Will I ever feel normal again ?

[LSP77]

Hi all just want to tell my story, I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I was a painfully shy and self conscious child and teenager, I had very few friends and found it very hard to relate to girls. I met my now ex husband when I was 18 and moved in with him after 2 weeks together. We had 3 children and we're together for 16 years before he left. Although we were both unhappy, him leaving absolutely devastated me, I'd lost my family.  

I was diagnosed with PND in 2006 after my 2nd child was born, and have been on AD ever since. Since the breakup I slipped into a deep depression and life has been a constant battle ever since. I've let myself go, put on 20kgs and generally hate myself. When I'm having a really down episode, I won't leave the house, I feel very anxious, I sleep a lot, and just lock myself away from the world. 

I have 3 healthy, beautiful and happy kids, but I'm scared I have damaged them as they saw me hit rock bottom. The only reason I'm still walking this earth is because of them. 

I know I need to exercise to be healthier mentally and physically, but the thought of going to a gym or walking the streets makes me so anxious, 

I'm so grateful to have a roof over my head, food on the table and healthy kids, but the constant struggles in my head make it hard to be happy.

Anyway enough of my whinging, have a great day. 😘

[LSP77]

Im also studying to be an AIN,  but I'm second guessing my decision, how can I help people if I can even help myself ? How can I work with people if I find it hard to relate to people. Arghhh I'm so sick of this 😡

[Neil_1]

Hi there lsp77

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thanx heaps for coming here to provide your post.

A few questions might crop up from me along the way, just so we can be better informed of your situation.

Ok, so you’ve been on AD’s since (approx.) 2006, so that’s coming up to 10 years.   Are they still the same ones (no need to mention any names of AD’s) that you’ve been on for all that time;  or if not, how long have you been on the particular type you’re taking now?   I think what I’m aiming at here is, have you had a recent review of your meds – because perhaps the “punch” may have gone out of them – “could” be time for an upping of dosage OR to try a completely different type.

I’m guessing that your daughters are into their teens now, so I hope they’re going through that phase ok – I’ve heard it can be stressful for teenagers and parents alike.  I’ve got a 16yo son and a 14yo daughter, but so far, it’s been relatively smooth sailing, which is awesome.   And with the ages of your girls, I would assume that they’d be aware of your battle and how you’re not your normal awesome self – and with that, are they proving to be helpful around the house, in doing odd jobs etc, to help lighten the load for you?

I wonder how many people can agree with your statement of:  “the only reason I’m still walking this earth is because of my children”.   I’m also living proof of that statement.

I’m not sure if you’re a gym person or not – but either way, the first thing I would recommend is for you to start to become a bit more active around your home.  Begin things nice and slow – with walking;   just aim if you feel really down or unmotivated to go past two or three houses and then turn around and go back home.  Nothing huge or not enough to email home about – but it’s a start.

Try doing some wall pushups;   where you stand a little distance away from a wall;   keep your feet in the one place;  with your palms reach out for the wall (about shoulder width apart), keep your body/back straight and lower your upper body towards the wall, till your face is close to it and then push back out;   they’re an easy start for push ups.

 

If you’re able to and can afford the gym, etc, then yes, get along.   But if you’re not a regular gym goer, then save yourself money & get an exercise plan at home; hardly any cost and can be beneficial.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Neil