Why is life so hard? Had some rough things happen recently, thinking about taking AD's

[Goodvibesenthusiast]

HI Guys,

I'm feeling pretty flat and would love to hear some advice on how to best cope with this situation. To give you a little context I'm a 27 year old male, I work full time, go to the gym regularly have an 'ok' social circle and have battled with depression the last 2 years or so.

I'm with a girl - I love her we started seeing each other December last year everything was so great we became best friends she made me so happy and wanted to be a better person. I did a lot for her, helped her financially assisted her when she had an accident tried to be the best BF I could possibly be. She's from England and was on a working visa which had expired, we talked about things and after a lot of discussion we were pretty adamant to be together and she decided to come back on a student visa. I gave her a lot of chances to end things and not continue the relationship but we were mutual and she wanted to come back to oz. I was really cautious (I've been hurt before and have a lot of trouble opening up) as I knew how easily I get hurt when it comes to women and my trust so I wanted to do everything right.

We entered into long distance relationship it was hard, we knew it was going to be hard. We talked every night really healthily, we texted constantly we were there for each other. She was so good, gave me the support I needed showed no signs bad signs, this went on for about 10 long weeks. Until yesterday, out of the blue - it was a week out from her departure date and she tells me that she's no longer feeling the same and doesn't know if she wants to be with me or come back to oz.

Needless to say I was pretty distraught and in complete shock, I didn't know where any of this came from. I felt completely betrayed and so hurt how my best friend could do something like this.

My body just shut down, we were supposed to move in together so my whole lifes plans have shifted as well. Now I'm here finding it hard to get out of bed or be active or communicate to friends/family or even eat. After a long period of being single I opened up and became vulnerable just to get hurt.

I managed to put my feelings aside and tell her to take time to think about it, in the end I just want her to be happy.

In the meantime I left work early and called up sick.

Im feeling anxious and sick.

I'm really struggling and want to get anti-depressants to help me through... it's a last resort but I just want to feel level again.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[White_Rose]

Dear GVE

Hello and welcome to BB. I abbreviated your name and realised if I put an i in it would read 'give'. It seems this is what you been like with your GF.

Holiday romances do not often end up in happy ever after scenario. You were on your home ground while she was enjoying a working holiday. Once she returned to the UK she had a different perspective of Oz. The ties to home can be very strong and not being in the same country as your family can be very hard. I found that when I emigrated to Oz many years ago.

I am sorry you feel so hurt and betrayed. I would thinks she had no intention of leaving you when she returned to the UK. She probably became involved with her friends and the things she used to do and realised she preferred this life to one in Oz. It's always hard.

I want to comment on your idea of taking an antidepressant to help you get over this event. ADs don't take pain away. They help you to form a stable base and from there you can re-evaluate your life. You have described classic depression symptoms, but they are also classic symptoms for someone who has lost their GF.

I note you say you have been depressed for a couple of years. Have you talked about this with your GP? This is really the start of recovering from depression, if indeed this is your diagnosis. To be prescribed ADs you will need to see your doctor who may or may not prescribe ADs. It depends on his/her diagnosis.

I know you are going through a rough spot at the moment and I do know how this hurts. You also feel betrayed because you made yourself vulnerable to someone who you thought was going to be your life partner. This is an enormously hurtful thing to happen. Unfortunately there really is no cure for this except time. After a while the pain will lessen and you will manage your life.

I think you would benefit from a visit to your GP to be thoroughly assessed about your depression. This is really important and I urge you to do this. It may not help your pain in the short term, but it could well be the catalyst for a new and more full life.

I hope you will write in again.

Mary

[EloiseS]

You are suffering from shock, hurt betrayal and abandonment. I bet you are replaying everything in your head and wondering if you said or did anything wrong?? I know this because I'm in a similar situation where the other person focused on me 100% and was extremely charming then without warning cut me off. I'm searching for answers and just feeling like general crap in every respect.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you but just wanted you to know you're not alone!! Sh!tty things happen to good people and you are a good person.

I think the above answer is correct in that this is going to take time. I'm hoping time heals me too.

Hang in there.