Why dont people understand?

[white knight]

It sure is nice to come across a person with empathy. We dont ask for much but such is our mental challenges and feelings of isolation, we respond well to a few caring and encouraging words.

One of the reasons some cannot reach out is, logically, they cannot see the injury. A broken leg will fing others swarming to assist, asking about how it occured and moves to make you comfortable. Not so with mental illness unless you are one of 20% that understand either from having one, being a carer or that empathetic quality.

Then there could be the jealousy factor. A high rate of envy can be present if you arent working. If you have some good days and immerse yourself in your hobby, that wont reflect well to your friend working their 37 hour week. "Its alright for you, we dont have down time like you" a friend recently said to me". I wanted to scream out "I'll swap you"!

Then there are the people without any capacity to comprehend MI. These people might well care for you...they just dont "get it". Be aware, such friends might seriously love you. They just cannot "walk in your shoes".

Finally there are the non believers. These people will harbour thoughts you are dodging work or seeking sympathy. I often reply "so psychiatrists study for 15 years but you can diagnose without any study at all"?

Sadly many of these people above have to be avoided/discarded from our lives if we are to seek harmony, stability and self esteem. Google-

beyondblue Topic fortress of survival

Once you protect yourself by giving up the ritual of convincing the unconvincible, you'll erect those protective walls.

But also forgive the naive and judgemental for they make up a significant portion of society, including love ones.

It doesnt mean they dont love you....

TonyWK

[blondguy]

Hi TonyWK

Thankyou for writing about this as its a topic worthy of discussion

Without quoting all of your opening thread topic....I found the following statement invaluable.....

TonyWK mentioned "forgive the naive and judgemental for they make up a significant portion of society, including love ones. It doesnt mean they dont love you"

This is something I keep forgetting and have get through my head and I understand it may take a while to do so

This will be pinned on my fridge as a reminder to myself that we can forgive the naive and ignorant where mental illness is concerned

Thankyou Tony for your clarity on this....Sometimes we need to hear the words phrased as you do so well

my kind thoughts

Paul

[white knight]

Hi Paul

You are always so proactive and that's your greatest asset.

I suppose that phrase is similar to the bible's "forgive them for they don't know what they do". I'm atheist but been willing to take from any source words that resonate.

One interesting phrase is Luke 10-32. It is the only section I memorized in 1993 when I read the bible. It tells of "the good Samaritan". In short it tells of a beggar lying on a roadside. A priest comes by and deliberately avoids the beaten traveler. A good Samaritan comes and helps the man, pays for lodgings, feeds him and leaves.

What I got from that is that people in so called high places, authority, even leaders of churches can be the opposite of what they portray. Masks if you will. Our own personal judgements on people should be on their deeds, intentions and care not on their lapel tags.

Wont be long you'll have a book of sayings for publishing lol.

Thankyou my friend

TonyWK

[PamelaR]

What an awesome topic to start Tony. Thank you. Wave to Paul and everyone else who might like to join the discussion.

It resonates with me as I think about those of my loved ones who don't understand mental illness.... especially those loved ones who have mental illness. So difficult some times.

But to add to the book of sayings..... but let me say first that I'm more an agnostic than atheist.

Let he amongst us who is without sin, cast the first stone.

Please don't ask me where this comes from in the bible. I just remember it well. I think it was one my father taught me (he too was agnostic) to remember on my life's journey.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[timmy123]

Hi Tony,

I agree with all you have said above. We really can’t blame on those who don’t understand mental illness- they just haven’t travelled the road and cannot get it. I was one of these people before. I remember when I was a kid, my mother always complained about feeling unwell all the time and often without an apparent reason or “visible” symptoms. My dad was cranky who showed no empathy at all. She was harshly criticised as being lazy, not good etc. Now I really get it….

To make things worse, correct diagnosis isn’t always easy and straight forward. My mother had been to the hospital multiple times because she was fainting, feeling light-headed, sleepless and so on. It seemed that all these symptoms are so common that everyone can get it for many reasons. After thorough medical examinations and tests, doctors could not explain the reason behind her illness. It was not until about 5 years ago when she went for a specialist where she was finally diagnosed with major depression. She was medicated since then. So I really understand from the suffers’ view and also from the outsider’s.

Although there has been campaigns around to educate people about mental illness, there are still a lot of stigma and misunderstanding towards them.

It’s hard to change.

[white knight]

Hi Timmy

On the other hand my mother has, I firmly believe, had Borderline personality disorder all her life and leaving train wrecks in her wake but is still even at 87yo in total denial. We've been estranged for many years, the damage done.

So stigma, naivety and denial are three major issues society had a long way to go.

I'm glad your mum eventually got help.

TonyWK