Quarter-life crisis

[OLilium]

I will be turning 30 next year and my life is turning to shit and I am falling into depression. I am stuck in a relationship that I don't want to be in any more. I want to leave but we still have six months left of our lease so I haven't ended it yet. I don't have a full time job so I am stressing because it will be expensive to live by myself but I don't have any other option. I won't be able to look for work for a few months either as I am recovering from surgery. I don't even know what work I will be able to or want to do. I always thought by 30 I would have a career path but after other jobs not working out I am back to square one. I just want to get away from everything at the moment. I want to travel with some of my savings but I know that if I am away too long it will affect my job seeking and I will feel bad for leaving my dog. I had been saving for a house deposit but realised it is an impossible dream. I hate not being able to be independent. I feel like a failure.

[smallwolf]

Hi OLilium,

Welcome to beyond blue.

From your post, there is a lot going on in your life that would make anyone worry, if not depression. And that is not making light of your situation either. It is normal or natural with all that swimming around your mind, you would feel like that. I sometimes have to remind myself myself that all problems have solutions. It is case of whether I like the solution or not, and whether I can commit to it, OR NOT.

It might also be the case that some of the issues might be related. For example, you are not working (?) because of recent surgery and so you are worried about supporting yourself next year should you be living by yourself, because you want out of the relationship. BUT... despite these worries about supporting yourself, you also want to travel using your savings because you believe you cannot afford a house.

I could be wrong, and please tell me if I am, but putting aside the surgery, financial concerns (supporting yourself) are a side-effect of wanting to get out of the relationship? You don't have to explain here why you want to get out of the relationship, but if have someone you can talk to through the issues as you presented them, you might the solution you are looking for? Is there anyone you would feel comfortable talking to? Family? Friends?

Or...

While my story is different to yours, there might be something in there for you? My issues were caused by things at work. I closed in on myself, did not talk to anyone that night (family). My wife knew something was up. Anyway, I did the K10 test at beyond blue. It recommended I see a GP about depression and anxiety. Things were worse the next day. But I saw the GP who referred me to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion. While I thought my issues were minor, I would find out that I had major (or severe) depression, anxiety and suicidal. It explained a lot, but I am now getting help.

Perhaps the one thing you could get out of this is talking with a professional who will/might indicate you have a "problem" or not. And from there work out what to do?

Tim

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi OLilium,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out.

I'm sorry that you're going through so much; it sounds like kind of a bundle of things and a lot to unpack (if you want to).

One thing I want to tell you though; you're not a failure. If you can take anything away from this post let it be that.

I can see that everything is kind of piling up on top of you right now. For me personally, I can resonate because I thought by now I'd be in a good place too - when I was younger I had this mindset of 'I'll definitely get things figured out by age x', and nope! Life doesn't work that way.

But what I know, is how much I've learned from everything. I don't think people build as much resilience and strength when things are too easy. Like relationships for example, you may have learned what it is you like and don't like about relationships; or what you need and don't need. What helps you grow and what makes you shrink. When jobs don't work out, you can learn about your career - the environment or lifestyle you'd like to have, or the team/culture that you need to thrive.

Not being able to live independently yet can also be a growing experience - because it shows how much finances are a priority for you; how you're willing to sacrifice what you need to get what you want (house deposit).

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful or resonates with you. I guess my aim is to help you see that just because you aren't in the place you wanted to be doesn't mean any of it has been a waste of time or makes you a failure.