Depression

Depression leads to low self esteem and worthless- what do I do.

replies: 11

Hi, It’s not typical of me to express my feeling as I usually find it intimidating to do so. However, I have been suffering from a lot of depression and old self hatred from my head. I wish I didn’t exist in this world. I have been seeing a psycholog... View more

Hi, It’s not typical of me to express my feeling as I usually find it intimidating to do so. However, I have been suffering from a lot of depression and old self hatred from my head. I wish I didn’t exist in this world. I have been seeing a psychologist, but obviously didn’t help much at all. As a mother, I never set up a good model to my children. Apart from feeding them, I don’t do any extras. No school follow up and not much bonding etc. I fee so shameful. As a wife, I look so ugly and I don’t do make up. At time, I wonder why my husband still stays with me. He can easily find somebody else who is more attractive and more capable. He would deserve more than this... I am just so useless. At work, apart from having a postgraduate qualification entry ticket, I only work as a clerk, you can see how low my self esteem is. And you can see how much time and money I have wasted to invest in study. I don’t get high pay and don’t earn any respect from others. Why can’t I climb up to the ladder a bit higher to use my skills etc? A Simple answer is that I am worthless!!! I always believe that I have some sorts of mental problems apart from depression since in my teen. My Psychologist and GP just don’t have the patience to listen to me or diagnose me! This vicious cycle goes over and over again forever.. now I don’t know what to do to regain my self-confidence. I just want to write it down here to release my painful self hatred.

Depression

replies: 19

Hi I am a 37 year old male with chronic depression. I also have anxiety and have become addicted to alcohol. Does anyone have any tips for how to become better.

Feeling weird

replies: 8

Hi all, I hope you all had an enjoyable Xmas, lots of yummy food and quality time with the family. I’ve just recently joined the forum and wanted to get some advice about something I’ve been experiencing and any response is much appreciated. I’ve bee... View more

Hi all, I hope you all had an enjoyable Xmas, lots of yummy food and quality time with the family. I’ve just recently joined the forum and wanted to get some advice about something I’ve been experiencing and any response is much appreciated. I’ve been feeling more and more weird over this past year. I’m 37, single, no kids, no close friends, and nothing is going on in my life. The worst thing is that I can seem to socialise with people, I just lose my concentration, I blank out, I can’t follow what is being said, my responses are dull and don’t even make sense, I get so anxious that I have nothing interesting to say. People don’t even want to talk to me because of the way I am. Its not their fault really, I also avoid people when I feel this way. It’s starting to affect my work, my life, my everything and I feel so sad. Has anyone ever experienced this? What can I do, really just want to get out of this slump

Seeing a psychologist isnt really working

replies: 13

I hoped that seeing a psychologist would slowly but surely steer me out of depression and isolation, and back into the world of social contact and proper employment again. I have been seeing a psychologist for 18 months now and while it has been an e... View more

I hoped that seeing a psychologist would slowly but surely steer me out of depression and isolation, and back into the world of social contact and proper employment again. I have been seeing a psychologist for 18 months now and while it has been an enormous relief to tell someone what has been going on inside me, and feeling the hurt and painful feelings instead of just pushing them aside as I do with other people, i'm not actually getting out of my isolation or feelings of fear and unconfidence. It's just that im telling someone and they are being kind about it. In some ways I feel further away from meaningful social contact than I did before. Not that the psychologist has made things worse, just that talking about my sadness doesnt change the conditions that make me sad: unemployment, loneliness, parents dying. How can i ever get better? Will i ever be happy in the world again, make new friends, feel valued again? Or will it always be this now ... for the next how long? 40 years? Fearful, withdrawn, worthless. How is everyone else going? Is there anyone who got very socially isolated, who has found a way back to contact with others? Id be so grateful if someone has ... and could share how it happened. best wishes, pawsy

I'm not who I thought I was

replies: 3

I suffered depression, anxiety and psychosis as a kid. It was without a doubt, the hardest time of my life. Now at over 30 years old with 4 kids I thought those times were behind me, until recently. I was doing all the 'right' things, getting a house... View more

I suffered depression, anxiety and psychosis as a kid. It was without a doubt, the hardest time of my life. Now at over 30 years old with 4 kids I thought those times were behind me, until recently. I was doing all the 'right' things, getting a house and a career. I was doing everything that you're supposed to do. And I thought I was strong enough to do it all, but I think it all just became too much. I've all but abandoned my work which I can't do with a mortgage. Last time I was going through this I was a kid without any responsibility, now I'm an adult and a father and everyone looks up to you to do the things that you just know you can't do. And your partner says she's there for you but you can just see that all you're doing is draining her of her own emotional reserves. Where does it end? I had a vision of who I wanted to be for my family and it turns out I'm not that person. I'm not strong enough to be who I wanted to be and I don't know what to do to get back to where I want to be.

My Life Feels Pointless

replies: 2

I don't know if anyone will read this or respond. This is my first post on here. If anyone here is reading I just want to say thank you. I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety and feeling worthless for a while now. Especially around this... View more

I don't know if anyone will read this or respond. This is my first post on here. If anyone here is reading I just want to say thank you. I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety and feeling worthless for a while now. Especially around this time of year. I'm 22-Years-Old and for nearly three years I've been working part-time in retail and hospitality. Prior to that I was unemployed for a long time and it hit me really bad with my self-worth. I'm grateful to be working the last couple years now but I still struggle a great deal. At age 22 I expected to have my life stable and to be a fully independent individual. I see all over social media people I graduated high school with four years ago now getting engaged, moving out, travelling and finishing college. Meanwhile, I'm working part-time, still living at home, still on my L's, though I've done over 70 hours driving now and I'm.going to be sitting my drivers test this year. I'm only just managing to get by and to save for a car, I dropped out of university when I was 19 due to not knowing what I wanted and being unable to cope. I did a Certificate III in Aged Care in 2018 and completed it but I feel I even struggled with that and I'm scared to go in to a new field of work. I love to help others and make people happy but I feel like I'll mess up as I had a hard time with everything. I am also lonely, try as I might to seem upbeat and happy I have no close friends. I blame myself for my past in being not the most positive person to be around. I understand my flaws and people's reasoning to maybe why they don't speak to me. That bring sad I've also been deserted many times by friends, can't open up to family and my psychologist I can't see until the end of the month. I want to go to college again someday but my mind isn't ready and I'm struggling mentally. I suffer from BPD, anxiety and depression. I feel like a failure and like I live a vicious cycle with mental health, always coming back to feeling like this no matter how much I try. I take antideppressants, recently started going to the gym and I still feel horrible. I'm ashamed for not going to uni or having my life together either. Am I alone in this? Will it always be like this? Am I a failure and stupid like I tell myself? I just needed to vent. Thank you for reading this far.

Sick of being told tales!

replies: 2

I am utterly sick to death of people making up or exgerating stories just to upset me. I don't understand why people make things up at all.. don't they hear what comes out of their mouth? It's really been effecting me lately.. to the point I'm depres... View more

I am utterly sick to death of people making up or exgerating stories just to upset me. I don't understand why people make things up at all.. don't they hear what comes out of their mouth? It's really been effecting me lately.. to the point I'm depressed for days. I just get better then someone tells me something.. I look into it and what do you know it's a lie and I look like an idiot. I'm a single mum of 2 under 4, everyone knows I'm not coping very well. My ex who I left 5 months ago has a 21 year old girlfriend living with him, I was obsessing over it really badly.. but are getting better until this happens all over again. My dad did it for his own pleasure and a family friend has been coming out with really out there stuff. I dont know why theyre doing this! I find it hard to just ignore it because once ive heard it i cant stop thinking about it. I have no social media, I'm just sick of it!

Poem - Men's struggle

replies: 3

Hi, I wrote this poem about how I was feeling being a man suffering depression. It's not meant to be a male only thing, but of course I don't know what it is like facing depression as a woman! There are some of us who live our lives according to conv... View more

Hi, I wrote this poem about how I was feeling being a man suffering depression. It's not meant to be a male only thing, but of course I don't know what it is like facing depression as a woman! There are some of us who live our lives according to convention, Knowing there's a part of us we don’t feel free to mention To others we don't wish to hurt, or who wouldn't understand, The daily inner struggle that in our lives was never planned It happens to so many, different backgrounds, different ages And unfolds just like a story, as we slowly turn life’s pages As we battle with the sadness deep inside that’s always there And at times it seems to reach the point we simply cannot bear Loving husbands, caring fathers, in a never ending fight As we struggle with our demons, ever present dark as night And we hold it in, aware that it can tear our lives apart Too frightened to reveal the truth, and share what’s in our heart We think no-one can understand the pain and isolation The complexity, the sadness with no easy explanation And we ask ourselves, what have I done to end up with this life- That delivers me such hopelessness and never ending strife? We wonder how can we go on, get through another night? And every day before us is the constant, endless fight Why me ? what will I become?, how will this anguish end? But we tell ourselves for now at least, “just continue to pretend” Our depression seems so constant, causing conflict and divisions And we worry that ahead of us are difficult decisions For we are caught, just like a trap, we are not really free And for some of us we think that is the way it has to be But we need not walk this road alone, there are many who do care And if we open up our feelings, and be prepared to share We will find that there’s assistance, a friendly helping hand From people who have empathy, who really understand There is help and great resources, and we all should make that choice But it does take strength and courage to release our inner voice Remember we are decent men just living life the best we can And our inner secret doesn't mean, we're any less a man.

Depression mood swings depending on the weather?

replies: 7

Is it just me or do others tend to find that there depression heightens when the weather is cold, dark and gloomy and then when the weather is beautiful, blue skies, nice warm breeze, suddenly you feel a whole lot better as if the depression almost l... View more

Is it just me or do others tend to find that there depression heightens when the weather is cold, dark and gloomy and then when the weather is beautiful, blue skies, nice warm breeze, suddenly you feel a whole lot better as if the depression almost left with the ugly weather? I asked my Psychologist the other month and she said that some people are actually emotionally affected by the weather a lot more than others and it can make our depression worse during the colder months! If so, does this mean if i travelled around the world, always surrounding myself with blue skies, warmer days and sunny atmospheres that i would concur my depression? And, just my luck to live in Melbourne where in 1 day, we can experience all 4 seasons, Wet, Sunny, Windy, Dark, Sunny, Windy!! No wonder I'm struggling haha

Squalor and self-neglect

replies: 9

Hi everyone I am extremely embarrasssd about what I am going to share, but here goes. On the face of it, I am a 33 year old with a modest job, live in the city in a small apartment that I own. Some may think I’m successful. In reality I have had seve... View more

Hi everyone I am extremely embarrasssd about what I am going to share, but here goes. On the face of it, I am a 33 year old with a modest job, live in the city in a small apartment that I own. Some may think I’m successful. In reality I have had severe depression for many years and have zero self-worth. A lot of it stems from childhood trauma. I am currently going through the following: 1. I live in squalor. My home is extremely filthy with rubbish everywhere on the floor, clothes everywhere, dusty, cobwebs etc. Things need to be repaired. My home stinks but I’m so used to it I don’t notice the smell anymore. I am so deeply ashamed and embarrassed about my living circumstances I make excuses to friends/family to not invite them over. This is not a lifestyle choice, I hate it. But I am so overwhelmed by the squalor I don’t know what to do or where to start. I fee paralysed by my lack of motivation. 2. Self neglect. For example, although I shower everyday, I don’t wash my hair frequently. I only wash my hair once a month or two. It’s itchy and I get scabs on my head. I have long curly hair down to my waist that most people would say is beautiful. I hide it by tying it back in a bun. I love the feeling of clean freshly washed hair, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I struggle doing basic tasks at home like pay the bills on time (not because I can’t afford it). I can’t explain it, it’s like a strong brick wall in my head stopping me from doing tasks. I also compulsively pick my skin. I have scabs/sores on my chest, legs and worst of all my face. I have had this one scab on my face for 3 years because of the urge to pick. My mum once made a comment that the scab on my face makes me look like a meth user (I don’t do drugs and I rarely drink, though I am a heavy smoker). There are other things but I won’t go into detail. i literally feel like trash. Has anyone else experienced forms of self neglect and squalor? How did you tackle it? Does anyone know of any online support groups for squalor?

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