Hi idk
Self hatred is definitely one of the hardest feelings to manage in life. It's a brutal, torturous and depressing feeling, that's for sure. In coming here, I hope you find those who can lead you to feel it less and less over time, so you can begin to feel the kind of liberation that comes with loving yourself.
For decades I hated myself something shocking. Maybe on the odd occasion I would hate myself a little less but I never came to actually love myself until the last handful of years. I should add, there are times where a bit of self hatred threatens to creep back in but I try my hardest to manage it. There are ways of managing. I think my turning point came when what came to mind one day was 'Which part of your self do you hate?'. Perhaps that was the sage in me that asked the question. Up until then, I'd been hating my entire self. Things snowballed from there, in a good way. So, the questions
- Do I hate the harsh judgemental inner critic that is brutal and depressing? Hell yeah!
- Do I hate the part of me that tells me I will never amount to anything? Absolutely!
- What about the part of me that was born out of a collection of destructive, depressing and shallow social beliefs which dictate 'If you look and act this way, you'll be accepted. If you don't, you are faulty and worthless'? I resent it with a passion! I think that's the part of us that compares and measures us against everyone else. So much measurement, when it comes to how we measure up
and the list goes on.
Then there is the question 'Which part of myself do I love?' or 'Which part of myself do I love enough to begin bringing to life through practice?'.
- Do I love the part of me that is sage-like, the part I can rely on to guide me in the right direction at times? Perhaps that's the part of you that brought you here to the forums
- Do I love the part of me that craves adventure and that is crying out for some?
- Do I love the soulful part of me that relates to soulful stuff, the kind of stuff that gets poo pooed by others?
- Do I love the wonderful and curious parts of me that thrive on greater self understanding?
- Do I love the part that is in some ways a philosopher, who sees the world in a unique way?
- Do I love the seer in me, the part that sees or is led to see the best way forward through imagination, even if it's only on the odd occasion?
etc etc. There is so much to love on this list.
I'm not sure that I've ever met someone who was raised to strategically love themself or aspects of them self in a lot of ways. How can we follow a guideline in the ways of self loving if we were never given a guideline to begin with? I've found there comes a point where hating yourself becomes so intolerable to the degree where you're kind of forced to find ways of loving yourself. I figure, if we don't have the guideline, we gotta find the guides who can show us how to do it, how to do what we've never done before ❤️
