Why can't isolated people connect?

[SucculentQueen]

So many of us are isolated and lonely so why can't we connect?

Depressed and alone + depressed and alone = connection.

Why is this sum untrue?

[SucculentQueen]

I've made an idiot of myself at work many times, as in I've really, truly done some stupid stuff. I get mocked and almost nobody talks to me. I can't leave as I'd be homeless, its humiliating. How is everyone else on this forum with a mental illness continuing to work? I'm a middle aged adult which makes it more humiliating. any other people my age experiencing this?

[Ggrand]

Dear SucculentQueen…

Many years ago I didn’t want to connect with other people, so I isolated myself from everyone and everything.…I was depressed and wanted to be alone….I didn’t want contact or connection to anything outside the little world I made for myself….I was happy to stay in this bubble I made for myself….but bubbles have to burst sometimes and mine did, when Centrelink forced me to do volunteer work to get unemployed payments…

I got a volunteer job, even though I was working with other people I was still depressed and lonely…more so then when I isolated myself…because I didn’t want any connections or to get involved….I tried to stay away from them and their personal lives and kept to myself…I was just to afraid of people to get involved with them…Isolation does that, makes you afraid of people..

The first few months of working there was horrible…I watched as the other workers laughed and talked their way through the days, which made me feel more lonely and left out, One day I was given a job to do, that required me to interact with the other workers…It was so hard at first, then it got easier the more I talked to them…That’s when I realised that not all people are mean or want to hurt me…there are some good and kind people outside in the big wide world…I went on to work there long after retirement age…I still isolate myself at times, that’s my ptsd coming in to torment me…but I can get myself outside now, visit my friend (from my volunteer job) and my neighbour whenever,  I feel that company and talking to someone will stop me from going to far into depression….

Can I ask you SucculentQueen…if you’ve reached out to your Dr. for some professional help, in managing your isolation?

Depression and alone + depression, alone, getting help for isolation and breaking that bubble we made for ourselves = a new chance at life…

My kindest thoughts Dear SucculentQueen…

Grandy..

[amd1953]

Hello SucculentQueen,

Are you by any chance fond of cacti?   Just a thought.   Cacti are succulents so if you are the queen of them, you must be able to rule over them.   I think some of us might just be a little wary of reaching out to anonymous people, but it could be safer than reaching out to the wrong person we already know.   If that makes any sense at all.   This forum is the perfect venue for contact and communication.   Anonymity plus Safety equals Positivity.

Perhaps we have to find ourselves first before we branch out into other contacts.   We have to be happy within ourselves before we can pass go and collect $200.   Not a bad sum though for playing a bored (board) game.   Couldn't resist that one.   🙂

[trying_my_best]

Hi @SucculentQueen 

I think this is a meaningful question. 

Just going from my own experience, I think the experience of feeling depressed and alone kept me feeling isolated. I didn’t feel like I would be a fun to be around or I would be a burden on others. What I learnt from the last time I felt this way is, that doing the scary thing and reaching out to someone (doesn’t have to be someone new), like your partner, family or close friends can be really helpful! I personally confided in my partner, talked through how I was feeling and I felt because I was able to talk about it that I was better able to connect with them, and over time I was able to make meaningful new friendships.

Wishing you the best 🫶

[Guest_05364009]

I feel the same. I have left a violent relationship and I wasnt allowed to have friends accept one. Now I feel completely alone, misunderstood, isolated and lonely. But I dont want an intimate relationship ever again but it would be nice to have at least someone to have a cup of coffee with. But I feel your pain.