Some people say that when a door closes, everything behind it should be left there. When another door opens, it should lead to new beginnings, not back to old pain.
Our relationship ended once. We spent a month apart before finding our way back to each other. We reconciled, but we continued living separately. Three years later, our relationship is stronger in many ways, and now he wants to make our future together official.
The truth is, I love him. But loving someone doesn't erase the fear of being hurt again.
My family knows about our relationship, and I can feel the unspoken tension. I often feel that they believe I should be with someone else. He feels that tension too whenever he's around my family, and seeing him uncomfortable hurts me just as much.
Even though we both live independently and have our own homes, I constantly find myself asking, "Should I, or shouldn't I?" Deep down, I don't think we've always been completely honest with each other. We both recognise the flaws in our relationship, yet we continue holding on because we don't want to let each other go.
The hardest part has been the dishonesty surrounding finances. Trust is difficult to rebuild once it's been broken.
Our social life often revolves around going out for dinner and then we tried on the poker machines. In the beginning, We won what felt like a lot of money, and those early experiences gave us hope that we could do it again. Over time, though, what started as entertainment slowly became a habit.
Sometimes love isn't the hardest part. The hardest part is accepting that a healthy future requires trust, honesty, accountability, and the courage to break patterns that no longer serve either person.
