Why am I so unlikeable?

[Rosie]

Just got home from hospital because of my mental health.  Lifeline, 000 and the paramedics were so kind and caring.  Then the mental health doctor arrived and he was so arrogant that I just felt like I was a nuisance and a burden to the hospital.  He said "what do you want me to do".  I said I didn't know and maybe I should go home.  He replied "fine, I'll walk you to the door".  I was suicidal and that was the last thing he said to me.  I am NEVER going to go to another doctor again.

I try to be normal and I even tried answering a few BB posts in a positive way, like the way the "community champions" do but I was pathetic.  I have nothing to give as I have very little life experience even at 63.  A fat, ugly old spinster that the neighbourhood bullies make fun of.

I'm so tired!

Rosie 😪

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Rosie and everyone ….🤗…

Thank you so much for what you said about our pets…even though I still have 2 more dogs, Ebony’s mumma and an abused dog I adopted, I still miss my baby fur girl so much….it really is heartbreaking….

I am so happy that you’re trying some grounding techniques I mentioned, I hope they continue to help you…I used to read a lot but unfortunately I don’t have the concentration anymore to read….You talk about your fantasy dream world…I can relate to that so much, when a small child and I needed to feel some type of safety away from my abusive parents and elder brother, I would hide behind our old BBQ and take me to beautiful safe worlds full of love and fantasy to escape my reality, I continued to do that throughout my abusive marriage and still do it today….I don’t think it’s a bad thing…my psychiatrist told me that it’s a a way our mind try’s to protect us….

When I started my volunteer job….I was outback sorting, I really liked doing that because I was on my own mostly and I didn’t have to interact with anyone….I was happy doing that…then my boss decided to try me out front when those girls left….I really don’t like working out front and yes,I have been triggered really bad at times…enough that I need to stay away from work, sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks….I know if I didn’t get myself out to work, then I can very easily isolate myself again….Its not hard for me to do that because I find most people frighten me in one way or another….I am very cautious of any words I speak to people in the real world….

Those boys are really scaring most people in town…especially me….last night I heard a gunshot just behind my house, a friend that lives in town and rang me, also very frightened about what she heard…my neighbour is taking them to court on the 20th this month…about another issue….retaliation will follow I’m certain of that…They have stolen cars, started fires, driving without licences and speeding around town with bikes and no helmets, constantly doing burnouts and they just get a slap on the wrist and a good behaviour order….which they have already broken….really so unfair….Grandmother turns around and doesn’t care…

Rosie, living alone and the loneliness that at times comes with it can get very overwhelming at times….Im so sorry that happens to you, I’m no stranger to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness at times….It can get real hard to cope through those times….I try to pop in here and chat to people when loneliness overtakes me….

I hoped I didn’t talk to much…and I hope you’re feeling okay….How are you today sweet Rosie?….thinking of you with care and kindness…If you were standing in front of me I would give you a warm hug….I can only do that virtually but know it’s in my heart….hugs 🤗 and care🦋, dear friend..

Grandy..

[Rosie]

Thanks Grandy.  I'm so sorry for what happened to you, especially as a child.  I keep seeing you hiding and it breaks my heart.  Stay nice and snuggly with your doggies as we are in for some cold weather.  

Warmest regards

Rosie 💜🩵