Hi, my name is andy
i'm a uni student, and not sure as to whether or not im feeling is actually depression.
for this past year, i feel as if i'm not my "normal self"
up till today, i've constantly played off the fact that i might have a serious problem, thinking that what ive been feeling is stupid and that i should just get on with life
but most days, i wake up feeling tired and demotivated to really do anything.
i often feel sad/miserable without even knowing why, and i feel as if i'm putting on an act to my friends and family to mask my true feelings, and i've never been that person who really wants to talk about my true feelings/emotions
i used to be that kid who was down to hang out with friends regularly, but my social life has been non existent this year, apart from going to uni and work
i also feel as if i can't concentrate on anything, mainly with studying, which shows in my poor grades at uni (after failing 3 of my 4 subjects in my first semester), i can never really get anything done or focus on study.
whats more important is that i've had constant thoughts and feelings about
suicide, i often feel like i dont deserve to live and that if i go, it'll be a better alternative than living.
i've had times where ive thought about ending my life, but never really mustered up the courage to do it, as every time i think about how selfish it would be to do it, and how i would let my parents/friends down
i've been relying on marijuana to help me feel a little bit better and get my mind off things, and i know it isn't that ideal solution, but it helps me on a short term basis
it was only today that i looked online about the symptons/signs of depression , and what i read, mostly applies to me
don't know what to do anymore
