Where to start

[Herrr]

sorry, I don't know how to explain or where to start. I know I need to see someone but I'm never kid free or maybe I just to scared 

I have 3 kids oldest 13 youngest is 2 I live with youngest 2s father sleep in separate rooms because it's his house he owns it and he was always telling me to get out of his room when I wouldnt give him sex or let him touch me. I just felt after a long day with the kids on me 24/7 I wanted to relax in bed with my partner but not be touched. 

I do the cooking cleaning of everything inside/out have the kids all day everyday I feel distant from my kids like maybe I envy them idk. I'm cranky all the time partner is always telling me I need anger management. I know I'm depressed if I didn't have my kids or knew of someone I trust to love and care for them I wouldnt be here I think of it everyday. 

I try to have a day off but partner still calls out to me for help. 

The other day I stepped back done nothing all day. House was a mess youngest put poo everywhere. I made them sandwiches for dinner, ( lucky because partner just sent them to bed) he didnt even know I fed them. He had the audacity to ask me to vacuum. I do it everyday. I said no ill do it in the morning he got the shits. Everytime I ask to do something he says no one tells him what to do he will do it when he's ready. 

Fk after reading this shit I can tell I need to leave. 

[therising]

Hi Herrr

After reading you post I was left wishing I could give you a massive hug. Based on what you say, your partner sounds intolerable, enraging, depressing, stressful and exhausting. My goodness, no wonder you're feeling intolerant, enraged, depressed, stressed and exhausted. If he gave you joy, relief, inspiration, optimism, encouragement and service, you'd be feeling all those things. As 'sensitives' (those who are sensitive to what they feel) we can't feel the things we need most if they're not there to be felt.

When people say journaling serves them well in a lot of ways, I think it relates to the opportunity you have found. Instead of simply thinking our thoughts over and over (with them tormenting us to some degree), when they're written down in black and white things can become much clearer. They can go from being thoughts to becoming written statements that create a greater sense of clarity. Such statements can even become mind altering life changing revelations at times. While your post reveals a lot to those who read it, it also reveals a lot to you.

The next step after a major revelation can sometimes be the hardest step to take. Knowing what the next step needs to be can entail the need for a vision. What do you see in your mind, through your imagination? Can you imagine yourself speaking to a friend or family member for guidance? Maybe you imagine something different, such as with professional support, whether that involves mental health support or support in knowing how to leave the situation you find yourself in. Personally, I find if I can't see the way ahead for myself, I find someone who can see it for me. Sometimes it can just be so hard to see for our self in the darkness of depression. Who do you know who can shed some light for you and act as a supportive guide?

[Fiatlux]

Hi Herrr,

Sweetheart, I feel you.

My children were, 3,2,1 when I was forced back to work in the office. Prior to that I was still working, just admin and accounting stuff from home. 

Returning to work was really hard for me. My babies were cared for in my home by my husband’s parents for up to 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, but my mother in law refused to do any housework. So I came home to a messy house and a sink full of dishes, dirty laundry, you name it. My house was spotless when I was home. So after bath time and bedtime I spent a couple of hours cleaning the house and doing laundry only for it to be a mess again the next day. I also spent the weekend cooking and cleaning again.

 MY husband also didn’t help with housework and expected me to be in the mood for sex when I finally crashed into bed at 10pm. Things had to change, so after an exhausting year of this, I cut back to working 4 days a week just so I could get a day off to be with my children again and do happy activities like kinder duty and taking them swimming during the day. My husband still didn’t change so he started getting sex elsewhere but still wasn’t happy with me.

Its just some of the shit we go through while being, wife, mother and women.

My husband didn’t kick me out of bed but he definitely got his needs met elsewhere. Mine also couldn’t understand that a cuddle was just what we needed and sex wasn’t a necessity. I even resorted to telling him that he looked sexy when he vacuumed…

Life shouldn’t be this hard, I know, but he using the “this is my house, my bedroom, get out “ threat is not on. 

Is he father only to your 2 year old or all the children? 

Herrr, take a deep breath every morning. You can get past this. But your situation is not good for you. Stay strong and stay in touch. Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[Herrr]

2 youngest kids are his. I told him I made an appointment in town to get my eyebrows done. He accused me of having another boyfriend because apparently I'm trying to impress someone.

[Fiatlux]

Hi Herr,

It’s good to hear from you.

I don’t know why men think that if we don’t have the energy to provide them with sex, that we would have the energy to start seeing someone else. 

My husband is a serial cheater and even if I struck up a conversation with another man, as I worked in a very male dominated industry, that I was looking for an affair.

I have had male work colleagues witness my husband being verbally abusive towards me and they immediately stepped in to support me. One male employee told him that he didn’t appreciate or deserve me and that I could do a lot better than him. Even my daughter at age 21 turned to me and said that I deserved so much better than her father. This was hard to hear.

Take care dear and keep in touch. 🙏🏼 Fiatlux