I don't know what to do

[JJJ]

Hi,

I'm a second year university student, and recently I've been experiencing a lots of negative emotions that I'm struggling to cope with.

The constant anxiety I'm having with my studies is really impacting me day to days. I'm cyring all nights, nearly everyday. I would be eating and suddenly think of the assignments dueing soon, and immediately lose appetite, with that weird, disguting feeling emerging from my stomach, urging me to continue on study. But when I get to my desk I'd start procrastinating, franctically scrolling through social medias and kpop vids while torturing with the stress of assignments. Every morning I'd wake up and know that I'd need to study but am struggling to even get up off bed. I know I should stop procrastinating and take action immediately but I just can't

Things had gotten worse yesterday when I was taking my break from study. Standing on top of the stairs, I had such a strong urge off throwing my self down the stairs so I can get a broken limb as an exemption or a medical condition to apply for an extension. 

My self destructive thoughts had becoming more and more frequent. But what really confuses(?) Me is that these depressed and anxious moods usually occur during time at school. Like I'd be fine during the holidays, having regular appetite and no trouble falling asleep. But as soon as I get caught up with too much works I'll experience a super strong sense of eagerness of self harming. A few weeks ago I had an instructive thought about crushing myself into the traffic when I was waiting for my bus just to end and take a break 

I don't want to share this to anyone since I'm sounding psychotic. My sister had a severe case of depression and I don't want to add any more burden to my family. I also fear the efforts to reach out to a psychologist

[Croix]

Dear JJJ~

Welcome here to the Forum. It's a good place to try as I'm sure there will be others with the same problem.

OK, you have managed to get though first year, and that was an event in itself, though of course it did come to an end and you did well enough to get though to second year. Now the whole tihng starts again and you have already used up a fair degree of nervous energy in first year.

So it is not really surprising you have become so worried that you are avoiding studying again. It natural for most undergraduates, however for some reason it appears you are suffering more than  most. This makes you feel worse as you know not studying simply piles up more problems.

I do not think this is something you are going ot be able to cope with all by yourself. Although it was not a study situation I had much the same thing, wiht anxiety leaving me unable to do my job.

I too wished for an illness or an accident to incapacitate me and thus have no pressure.

Anyway things got so bad I sought help, going to a doctor who diagnosed an anxiety conditon and started to treat me for it. After a while things started to imporve, and nowadays I'm a different person, I can take on tasks that would once have left me paralyzed, and see them though.

So may I suggest you start by seeing a uni counselor to get you started with an appointment with a medical professional, and at the same time see if you can get a deferment until such time as you can do your studies justice.

Believe it or not unis want their students to pass and will help where they can

It does get better

Croix

[JJJ]

Hi Croix,

I really appreciate the heartily words- I really needed to spit things out and it helps knowing that someone has experienced what I'm undergoing atm.

I also wish things will go well for you

[SAVE888]

Hey JJJ, I'm in a similar situation, balancing my third year of studies with work. It's tough. I believe assignment anxiety often stems from worrying about what might happen in the future, like failing or getting poor grades. This fear can make us procrastinate or come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid the work. Personally, I've found it helpful to keep my expectations low. I just aim to pass the course, not necessarily ace every assignment. That way, if I fall short, it's not a big deal. Remember, your grades don't determine everything. There's so much more to success than what happens at university. So, don't stress too much and go easy on yourself! Maybe schedule a study break and reaching out to your university for some extra support? They're usually really helpful and understanding. Remember to keep that smile on your face and find happiness in whatever you're doing. You've got this!