Hi TheBigBlue
My heart goes out to you as you so actively pursue constructive paths with seemingly little result. Your efforts are truly admirable and I say this from the perspective of someone who tried so hard in the way of looking for help rising out of my own depression. It has been almost 15 years since I left my battle behind me and still I gain insight as to how and why I stayed in it for so very long. I hope the following helps:
In the pursuit of self understanding, we can have many observers (some with the best of intentions). We can have friends who console us as they witness our lows, professionals who have us trialing med after med with no significant support or words of wisdom when it comes to dealing with the low of each not working. We can have partners who may try to love us simply, when more active complex love is needed. And we can have our own self who witnesses perceived 'failures', when in fact what we're witnessing are not failures at all...
In our multiple attempts to raise our self out of our depression we rise again and again to many challenges. Again and again we may meet those challenges, yet end up doing this on our own, due to people not knowing how to raise us to find our natural self (free of pain). We are left unguided.
I wish that throughout my own years in depression folk had said to me 'Educate yourself in the way of self understanding'. I actually took up this quest myself. By the way, I have a pretty significant library of books on the subject. I have books ranging from the workings of the brain right through to the fascinating world of Prana. No matter the book or subject, I look back now and realise my thirst for knowledge in the way of self understanding was not met my others. Actually, some aspects were dismissed as foolishness but still I carried on. Many folk will attempt to tell us who we are but few, if any, will encourage us to explore this multi faceted subject for our self. We are wonderfully complex yet simple at the same time, with incredible potential.
With every cell in our body vibrating at varying levels of excitement, we are energy in motion. We are mental, physical and natural e-motion combined. The causes that lay behind our change in vibe can be plentiful. By the way, I highly recommend a fascinating read by Dr Joe Dispenza - 'Becoming Supernatural'. I have all his books and this one is my personal favourite. I love this guy. He takes self understanding to a whole new level.
Keep rising TBB 🙂
