Where do you go when you’ve tried everything?

[Florin1]

Here in middle age I realise that I’ve been depressed, on and off but always lingering somewhere in the background, for more than 30 years.

I have been able to access psychologists, psychiatrists, councillors, CBT courses etc not just here in Australia but also in big teaching hospitals in the US and Canada while I was working there, and also in Western Europe at various times. Whatever help has been available I’ve tried.

I’ve been on various antidepressants for many of those years.

Here I still am, unable to see how to make life bearable despite having an amazing job that allows me a huge amount of creative freedom, a very loving and supportive partner who would do anything to help me feel better, no money worries, a beautiful house etc

I have grown to hate the adverts and campaigns to ask for help, because for me it just hasn’t helped, so when I see those I feel like I’m beyond hope.

My GP is great but having sent me to 3 or 4 different specialists (psychs etc) I feel that I’m exhausting possibilities. I go to each one so hopeful, so ready to try damn well anything to feel better. I never do.

I do know that depression runs in my family. And it’s a curse. And I feel that mine is getting worse as I get older.

I just feel broken.

[PamelaR]

Hi Florian and warm welcome to Beyond Blue

Very pleased you've found your way to our community but I'm sorry to hear you are feeling broken. It sounds like you are doing all the things we generally would say to help support, e.g. see your gp, health professional.

Maybe think about having a browse through our forums if you haven't already. There are some very good threads here about what you are experiencing. You're not alone in how you feel at all. Some examples include:

• Depression: Fight It or Embrace It
• Do You Like Yourself: Your Thoughts are Welcome
• Self help tips for managing depression

You can find these by doing a search using the search tool at the top of the BB webpage.

When you feel up to, perhaps have a look at some of the threads in the forum Long Term Support Over the Journey under the Caring for Myself and Others category. You're not alone Florian.

Keep reaching out if and when you want to. It is good you've taken this first step by posting here. Maybe it is a pathway to help you understand and how to live with depression.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Billyc]

Hi Florian,

To answer your heading question.

My view is you don’t go anywhere, you stay put and You build on what you have done so far, small steps.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to kick start a cold engine..

[Billyc]

Hi Florian,

your in a safe place here, depression is a serious illness, and still has a long way to go with understanding what it is and how it affects us, and why..

I watched an amazing interview with A singer song writer Missy Higgins.

And she spoke openly about her experience with depression, she mentioned what helped her come along way in learning to manage it was to sit with her father, he opened up about it with her. And his experience.

I recall my dad crying one day and telling me his doctor told him he had depression. We didn’t go into it though as he was a very closed book.

just sharing with you as you have done with courage yourself

best