Life just feels meaningless.. existential depression?

[Saladdressing]

And it’s not like I haven’t tried to or don’t try to create meaning in my life. I’m about to finish my master’s degree, I have a job in my field even before graduating, I have friends and family that care about me but I just see no point to any of it anymore?

I’ve had cyclical bouts of depression all my life but this time around it seems to be the the worst. I got better and discontinued therapy but am finding myself going back to see a counsellor this week it feels neverending.

I guess I’m just getting my feelings of my chest cos frankly I don’t think any of my friends understand or can relate. I genuinely think the world is going to shit. There are things that bring me immense joy and I try to submerge myself in them as much as I like for example, astronomy, live music and reading. But on a social level I just feel empty like I cannot connect with anyone and even if I do there are things I may judge them for because they feel like a product of what this world has become.

Hookup culture for example, I’m nowhere ready for a serious relationship because I want to heal from past wounds and better manage my depression. But it just makes me sad how people have become disposable. You see how rampant the use of online dating sites is in my age group and it just makes me sad there’s nothing real or of substance anymore. It literally feels like shopping for people, like people are just objects to swipe right or left on, their value and worth based on their appearance. And you give up so easily on somebody because there’ll be 10 others you can find with the tap of your thumb.

I guess I’m just rambling. I feel like I have no one to talk to who’ll understand and I don’t want to burden anyone but I need to focus on my assignments for uni so just thought I’d clear my head until it’s time to discuss this more with my counsellor in person. Thank you to anyone who’s read this so far.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Saladdressing,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post. I'm glad that you're here and glad that you're chatting this over with a counsellor too.

This is absolutely something I can understand and relate to - especially lately. I think there's a big difference though in questioning meaning and feeling like there's no point in living - where would you say you are on that scale?

I think in a way it's kind of a good thing to be having these questions. It makes us curious. It encourages us to think about the bigger things in life, and to choose to live in different ways.

Yes, part of the world might be going to shit, and I agree with you around how apps like Tinder and online dating can objectify people. But there's also other parts of the world that aren't going to shit. Where people date in person, or avoid technology altogether, or use their skills for good, or aim to make the world a better place. The way we know more about things like astronomy now than ever before because of hard working people, new technology and incredible discoveries.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful? I'd be interested to know how things get on with your counsellor if you want to share.

Hope you enjoy being apart of the forums anywho.

[Mihai-Eugen]

I guess you are just too judgemental . "It's not reality that makes sad, but our judgements on it". Try to fix your view on the world, so that you don't get so easily annoiyed out of ordinary things. As you will escape from the trap of worrying about things, you can put more energy into building a great life for yours and for the ones you care about (which is what really matters in the end) . As long as you won't start a social movement around how the world should return to its core values, worrying about the hookup culture it's useless.

[Billyc]

Hi Salad dressing,

I didn’t read any rambling in your thread,

I read some genuine difficulty dealing with your illness, if I may call it that.

I find it’s still difficult to put a label on what you go through, I do know it can Be crippling.

Im at a point where I feel numb, and I don’t know how not to feel numb. All the excuberance I used to have has left my body, to the point where I can’t even properly a knowedge my own brothers diagnosis of cancer. I stayed with him at hospital the first night, but couldn’t or just didn’t say anything positive.

I dont have a lot of positive things to say to you, sorry about that! I guess I’m sharing what you are sharing.

[Ruby__2]

You sound very young to me.I know the world has changed and everything happens online,but my advice is join a group, be you and give social media a rest for a while. Get out there and live!!!