Where do i go from here?

[Lea_]

I have been feeling lost for over a year.

I know i should be grateful to have a roof over my head, i have an income and enough to eat.

But i just feel hollow. I try and fill the time with tv, books, music, friends any thing to keep my mind busy. But i end up staring into space.

I have tried therapy, exercise, cbt, medication. None of it worked.

I just don't know how to move forward getting up is a challenge even for something i enjoy.

Can anyone help me with coping?

[Kidle]

Hi Leah , really feel for you as I am on a similar journey ..all I do is go to work, sleep , eat and watch tv. I have tried to focus life on my health and beach walks and positive things around me.. but still end up alone and staring into space at night. Hopefully here you can start a journey of finding your way , and a passion in life. One suggestion I may give you is to do a soul photography book.. find your fav thirty photos of life and put them into a book, it reflects where you are and where next you might want to go.. hope some of this helps as I can only try for you , paul cx

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lea.,

I wanted to reply because your post really struck a chord with me as it did with Kidle, and most likely, countless others.

I can empathise deeply with your feelings of emptiness and feeling lost. I think it’s confusing, frustrating and unsettling to feel so uncertain about what we are doing in this thing called “life.”

You seem so disconnected from the world and people around you or maybe I’m just projecting my own issues on you (sorry if I am).

I don’t really know you so I could easily be wrong but I wonder if part of the way you are feeling stems from lacking a greater personal meaning/purpose in life. I feel no amount of CBT, exercise, etc can directly help with finding life meaning/higher purpose. I mean, if there isn’t a sense of greater meaning then even enjoyable things can feel pointless and unrewarding...

On a personal level, I know my relative lack of meaning is one of my issues and helps feed my depression. Also about friends, I feel there is a world of difference between friends who are mostly just company for the sake of company versus a deeper connection (I am sorely lacking in the second group). I’m not saying you’re necessarily the same as me but maybe they are just things to consider...

To close, welcome to the forums 🙂 Thank you for sharing a little about yourself and I hope you feel comfortable sharing a bit more. Of course there is zero pressure but if you do feel like writing again, naturally, you are most welcome to do so 🙂

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Lea_]

Hi Pepper,

Thanks for the welcome.

You are right about the lack of purpose i don't have one. If i am honest with my self i have been dealing with depression and anxiety since year 6 but i did have a reason to keep things together since a family member need my support. Now my support is no longer required and hasn't been for a while.

I have tried to find some purpose like work i use to teach kids how to swim and i loved it but when i got depressed it would effect how i was and that wasn't fair to them. I volunteer and help with adult education but alot of people involved are couples and i feel jealous or lonely. I end up hating myself for my envy.

i can't really claim to have a passion. I try things on and enjoy them but i never really become passionate about it.

I have a few friends who i am really close with however, they are fighting their own battles and i can't stop myself from saying i am fine when they ask me what is going on.

I recently lost a friend. He was the friend I really opened up to but when our relationship changed from friends to more i no longer a felt i was a friend or even a person just some one to get physical with.

Have you ever seen the nightmare before Christmas? The second song Jack's lament, really speaks to me.

[Lea_]

Hello Paul,

I have never really thought about my favorite things. Most of what i do is a distraction these days.

The only thing that comes to mind is my cat. She has been my companion for the last 5 years and has been the reason i get up in the morning and go to work.

Beyond that i have no idea. Definitely food for thought

[geoff]

hello Lea, I can totally sympathise with you just as Paul and Pepper have done, but it's a very good question because this happens to so many people whether they're still in depression or whether they're coming out of it, and yes the same happened with me.
What I did was change my life around, 360 degrees and no this doesn't mean putting you back in the same spot, but actually it made me do completely the opposite to what I was used to doing, so try and find something that once before you never wanted to do and see how it goes, it's another incentive, so forget about what you have done before, because maybe that was one reason why depression hit you. Geoff.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lea.,

It’s good to hear from you again. Thank you for writing back.

I feel a sense of understanding and connection to you even if our stories aren’t the same.

Dealing with depression and anxiety since year 6 is a long time and must have been very difficult and exhausting. You have clearly been through a lot. It has been a long road for you, I bet.

I suppose now that this family member no longer requires your support (or to a lesser extent), maybe it’s making you question your life more. Perhaps supporting this person also gave you a sense of purpose before and now there’s a hole...most people like to feel “needed.”

You must feel a great sense of loss for the friend that you felt the closest too. It sounds like you shared a great connection with him before but the physical side of things came into the picture. I wonder if there’s any chance that it can be repaired...

I just looked up Jack’s Lament online and I can see why you mentioned it; it pretty much summed up your whole opening post. It moved me too and I felt a sense of recognition and sadness in how Jack felt. Especially...

An emptiness began to grow
There's something out there, far from my home
A longing that I've never known

- Jack’s Lament, “A nightmare before Christmas”

Sending you kind thoughts and much empathy.

Pepper

[JenJen10]

Hi Lea, thank you for sharing your post. I have struggled with the black dog on and off officially for 7 years but in hindsight, much longer too. It has taken me a long time to find the right treatment for me, the right clinicians who I can open up to etc. I had to take it right back to basics and see that my depression is very much based on physiology so if I don’t eat well, exercise and sleep well, it has HUGE impacts on my mental health and mood. I wish I had a magic wand for you and everyone else who is struggling but I guess I just wanted to say that you will get through this. Recovery isn’t linear but it is absolutely possible and worth it. You will be stronger for what you have been through, I promise you. Stay strong and good on you for reaching out! Positive vibes, Jen

[Kidle]

Hi sounds like a few people share the same concerns and experinces , can only be a good thing to go on a journey with them.Guess with Christmas coming up life is going to feel very lonely , maybe your purpose in life might be just around the corner , a passion to help others who are lonely .. I don’t have the answers or experience but hopefully people here can help us reach out a bit more so we can finally find some soul friends, as we are here to live for others , we just have to find some acceptance and what’s best for us ..