When coping isn't enough anymore

[Enough_Already]

I have tried writing an introduction now for a good 10 minutes,  but every time I write something,  I delete it.  How do you introduce yourself to a world of strangers?  How do you type what you feel and what you think?  How do you know that people won't judge you or think something of you?  That's the thing,  you don't!  This is my life, these are my everyday struggles. 

I am 27 years old and I have been struggling with anxiety and depression all my adult life and more then likely childhood, which is probably where it stems from.  I have been to psychiatrists and made some progress, but,  it only lasts for a while and then I revert right back to the same thing as before.  

I have reached the severe depression obstacle and overcome some of the struggles,  sleeping all the time,  not wanting to get out of bed.  Shutting everyone out,  hiding from the world. But I fear it is settling in again and sometimes I have no control over it. Somedays it is easier to give in then fight it.  

My anxiety and I are not the best of friends,  a few years ago,  I couldn't go into a shopping centre by myself,  I couldn't talk to anyone by myself,  I had no life,  and no where to turn,  I sat in fear of my own fear.  

No body understands what it is like to face the day when they have never suffered from depression or anxiety, people will only assume what they think or believe but for some one who battles to just get through the day, we understand each other and we understand everything.  

I am new to this whole forum thing, I hope to share my stories,  advice and my survival tips with you some day and I look forward to hearing about yours. 

[Starwolf]

Hello Enough Already,

You write that you are hesitant about wording your feelings and story but fear not.You are perfectly articulate and here you will not be judged : we're all in the same boat. Our experience may differ but we understand where you are at. Feelings of anger, frustration, helplessness, anguish, isolation etc...are familiar to us. We may not know each other but it doesn't make us complete strangers. This is a safe place.

I am wondering....you mention the short-term nature of your progress. Did you give up therapy when you came to a pause ? Plateaus, where not much happens for a while, are a normal -if frustrating- part of the journey and persistence may be the key. Sometimes also, a second or third opinion is useful. Therapy offers no one-size-fits-all solutions. Among therapists, opinions and methods vary just like they do among the rest of us. This is just a question which popped into my mind while reading your post. Feel free to answer or not answer it as you wish. It was only expressed for your own personal consideration.

It seems that significant progress was made over the years, though and that's a blessing.

I agree with you, the world can be a scary place depending on which perspective we look at it. There is a lot of judging and misunderstanding going on but the way I see it it, the problem (mostly ignorance) rests with whoever passes judgment, no one else is at fault.

I hope that navigating these forums will give you a sense of safety and freedom. The remote control is in your hands. You can click us on and off at will. Enjoy !

Thank you so much for your willingness to share some of your journey with us. Your contribution will be appreciated.

I wish you all the best.

[Enough_Already]

Hi Starwolf

Thanks for your message and well wishes.  I have been in therapy for the past year and have made progress with my thought patterns, understanding people and understanding myself, but I still fly off the handle at the smallest things,  I still overly care what people think.  I am still somewhat experiencing anxiety and I feel I may be falling back into deeper depression again.  I more then likely need to go back but I am hoping to find someone else as my last psychologist seemed to get too comfy towards the end of my sessions and instead of focusing on certain topics,  she would go off on other topics,  including talking about herself.  So although I have had luck in therapy,  I am also left feeling like I could have gotten more from it.  

My anxiety and depression have been an on going battle now for quite some time,  it has affected my life,  my career,  my relationships,  my friendships and my closeness with family.  So I do know I have so much more work to put in,  but even when I am trying very hard,  it can take just one thing to knock me back down.  I think that is why I am now here,  I need further support and perhaps surrounding myself with people who understand might be just the start to feeling better and coping.  

[White_Rose]

Dear Enough Already

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Unfortunately we know all about the horrors of depression and the constant battle to stay upright.

Your psych, as you say, seems to have lost the way a little. Her job is to focus on you, not discuss her personal life. So I suggest you visit your GP and ask for a referral to another psych. Do you have a mental health plan? This enables you to have some Medicare subsidized psychologist visits. If you don't have one, talk to your GP about it.

It doesn't take much to upset the apple cart. A day when things don't go according to plan, a joke that's not really funny, a weird comment. It's really horrible how this can affect you and it can take days to get back on track. These are the sorts of things antidepressant medication is supposed to help. It helps to make you feel more calm and for the brain chemicals to get their act together. Sadly it doesn't stop the hurt. Surrounding yourself with people who understand where you are is a great help. But remember you also live in the real world. and this is where you must be able to function.

You have learned a lot in one year. Congratulations. You may got more from your therapy but believe me to have reached this point is a huge triumph. Don't have unreal expectations. Getting the Black Dog under control is often a long battle.

Keep writing in here.

Mary

[Starwolf]

 Hello Enough Already and thanks for your thoughtful response.

Reading your first post, I had a feeling that you were somewhat disappointed with your therapy experience. Perhaps your present or ex therapist has taken you as far as she could go. The reason for this is -as you felt- probably due to her own standpoint. The feeling of being left stranded is not what we need, when all we wish for is to move on to a more comfortable head space. This is not the end of the road, just a pit stop.

As White Rose suggests, there are alternatives worth considering. One door has closed, another will open. Meanwhile, your past achievements are well worth celebrating !

I hope you will keep in touch and let us know how you go.