What should I do?

[MikaP37]

Hi,

I’m not really sure how this works but I figured I need to talk about it. My problems seem to be a mix of anxiety and depression and I wasn't really sure where to post it but I think here will do.

My problems aren’t as bad as others. But someone said to me the other day, your pain is not diminished by the pain of others.

I’ve found myself getting really down lately. I’ve had cold symptoms for the past 3 months constantly. I googled it last night and it said it could be stress related.

A few weeks ago I realised that I felt as though if I went to sleep and didn’t wake up, I wouldn’t mind. I told my partner and he didn’t know what to say.

I feel as though my parents don’t care about me. Whenever I’ve challenges in my life, they don’t seem to notice or care. A few years ago, I went to a work dinner. It didn’t go so well because I was getting a bit anxious. I told my mother when I got home and her response was, ‘Well, that’s your own fault.’ I was already hesitant to tell her stuff before that but ever since then even more. I see and hear other parents worrying about their kids and think, ‘Why can’t my parents be like that?’ I didn’t ask for them to be my parents.

I feel as though I struggle to make friends with people I connect with. A few times I’ve found friendships that I feel guilted into or the other person doesn’t have friends so they desperately try to make me their best buddy.

I’ve been at uni in hopes of getting another job. I’ve studied to be a teacher. I’m currently a relief teacher. The work is either feast or famine and in times of famine I get really anxious about money. On days I don’t get offered work, I struggle not to see it as a personal reflection on myself. I’ve studied at uni for 6 years now and can’t find steady work.

I feel as though I’m high-functioning because when I’m in a routine and busy, life is good. When things are lullish and my finances aren’t organised and I don’t feel cared for, I get down.

A few years ago I tried to get into the police force and nearly got there. I’d like to try again. But am worried my current mental health state will let me down. I’m also worried about seeking help because I have to declare it in application if I try again.

I guess I’m looking for advice in all of these areas.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Mika

I hope it’s okay for me to extend a caring welcome to you to the forums I think you seem to be getting the hang of things around here. Nice one 🙂

You sound sad, discouraged, unsupported by family & feeling perhaps lonely too. I feel for your pain & sense your craving for social connection, as well as emotional support. I think it’s really hard when loved ones either don’t know how to respond, or when family isn’t very supportive...it can be painful...

The feast/famine work situation must be so stressful. I think it’s the lack of stability/security, which is hard...

I like how you try not to compare problems though. I think you said something very wise when you talked about how your own pain is real & valid. Good point...

I don’t know too much about the teaching job market, but it does sound very competitive based on your experiences. If you haven’t already, I wonder if you’ve considered maybe teaching at schools a little further.

It’s just that I’ve heard rural areas and small towns sometimes struggle to recruit teaching staff. That being said, I’m not sure if that’s something you’re interested in as it might involve a potential relocation, and uprooting your whole life if you’re not from a rural area/not used to rural life...it’s just a little idea, in any case.

Alternatively, I wonder if you’ve looked into teaching posts in tuition centres. I think they’re less likely to offer full-time jobs, but you might be able to get casual or part-time work there to supplement your income...

While I’m on the topic of tuition, I wonder if you might like to consider try to offer one-to-one private tuition services- that’s another way to supplement your income...just some gentle suggestions...

I know those ideas (aside from maybe the 1st one) can’t exactly replace a full-time teaching job, but it might mean a little more financial stability, which could translate into overall reduced stress...

I feel that I understand what you’re saying about how routine/activity and financial stability means periods of better mental health. I completely agree that all those factors can have a significant impact on our health...hopefully if more steady work comes your way (or at least a steady income) then it will improve your quality of life and overall mental health...

It’s lovely to have you here on the forums. No pressure but please feel free to write if you want to chat, vent, discuss ideas, etc...

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Mika,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and well done for reaching out.

It sounds like you have a whole lot going on. You know, someone once said to me (when I first got sober - hence the username 'Soberlicious') that if I was to focus on improving just one area of my life, instead of trying to fix my whole life problem at once, that other things in my life would automatically improve along with the 'one thing' I was working on.

So that would be my advice; perhaps rather than working on everything, start with just one thing. Such as, for example, maybe your mental health state. You could talk to your doctor, and/or a counselor about what is going on for you, and develop some strategies as to how to manage the depression and anxiety that you are experiencing. Do you think that might help?

Life can only ever be lived one day at a time anyway, so in the meantime, just deal with one little chunk at a time. Perhaps you could write down a small plan of what actions you could take in order to see your doctor and a counselor, yeah? Seeking any form of recovery from anything, is more about taking baby steps, rather than big ones; dealing with one thing at a time, instead of overwhelming yourself by trying to fix it all at once.

Anyway, I hope that helps at least a little bit. And please feel free to keep coming back to BB for as much and often as you like; it's what we are here for. Take care. xo