New and Seeking Advice

[Ryan_C]

I’m not diagnosed with anything or on any medication.

Hi, for the last few years I’ve suffered only what I can describe as depressive episodes, and other emotional mood swings. There seems to be very little that prompts these, as I can be with friends and enjoying myself one moment and then the next suicidal, I’m aware the whole time that nothing is wrong or should be but I am reduced to near tears.

I rarely act on these impulses, and there’s enough of a period between them where I question if there’s anything actually wrong. Mostly I am also struck by a great deal of lethargy and try to stay asleep as long as I can, and a lot of the things I once enjoyed no longer hold any interest to me. It feels like the luster has gone out of life and I’m only existing out of obligation.

Though, I do not feel I am in any immediate danger to myself, I have made attempts in the past and it is a daily thought or consideration, and I find thoughts such as “kill yourself”, “go die” come unprompted and even to the point I sometimes verbalise them without thinking.
I will be taking steps to see a GP and work on my mental health plan, it's just all a little confusing and I feel lost in it.

[Here_I_am]

Hi Ryan.C,

I imagine these unprompted thoughts and intrusions are quite upsetting and concerning.

Well done on touching base here. Whether you have a diagnosis or not, this is a place where you will find acceptance and support, and I want to encourage you to stick around and keep us updated with how you go with your GP if you feel comfortable in doing so.

You sound like you have a smart head on your shoulders, and seeking some assistance from your GP and progressing a mental health plan is evidence of that.

You mention that you can be out with friends when all of a sudden the suicidal thoughts strike. Can I ask if these occasions also include alcohol or other drugs, or are you sober at the time they occur?

Hope to hear from you soon, and I hope today is a good day for you free from these troubling thoughts.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Ryan.C,

It sounds like things have been tough for a while now - it’s great that you’ve posted here to talk about it.  Not everyone who struggles is able to reach out like you did, and talk honestly and clearly about what they’re going through. We're really happy to hear you are taking steps to get a mental health care plan in place, that professional support is so important at this time.

Feelings of confusion and not knowing where to turn are very normal. Are you aware of Beyond Blue's support service? We would really encourage you to get in touch with one of our professional counsellors to have a chat, they can help to make the process of getting yourself some regular support clearer. We can be reached 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or on email and Webchat (3pm-12am AEST) through our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 

Although you have said you don't feel in any immediate danger from your thoughts, things can quickly change. If you ever feel you may act on these it is really important to take steps to keep yourself safe, you can do this by:
- Attending the Emergency Department of your local hospital
- Calling 000 (triple zero)
- Speaking with us - we can arrange for you to be taken to hospital

- Beyond Blue

[Rob851]

I felt very similar to you and didn’t know what was happening and slowly it progressed worded. I had no idea I was suffering depression until my gp sent me to see a psychiatrist. There she explained all that was going on was related to depression. Even if you feel you don’t suffer from it you may see it affect your life in different aspects.

just know your not the only one going through it and maybe see a psychiatrist to get a real diagnosis.
goodlick

[Ryan_C]

Thank you very much for your kind words, and consideration Here I Am. To answer your questions in regards to alcohol and drugs I rarely drink, and beyond prescription drugs for the occasional cold not at all. And these episodes I find have little to do with friends or family, and they can happen at any time with or without people.

It comes on me in a wave, like a sudden weight and I often feel nauseous after or during the experience. And there's also other separate emotional swings like anger & frustration; rarer still moments of extreme euphoria like I'm crying tears of joy for no reason and everything seems slightly sharper and crisp for it. But mostly dark depressions are the most common, followed by apathy.