What is Depression anyhow? Chronic Jet-lag?

[Jimboe737]

I have been unable to understand what Depression is about.  My daughter has suffered from Depression for many years and I've wanted to help her to recover but didn't want to exacerbate her situation by offering ill-founded or unwelcome advice.  In an effort to feel comfortable about directly addressing her situation I bought several books that purportedly would explain what it is like for her and what others have done to overcome or manage their condition.  None of the books I read really put it in a way that I could comprehend nor identify with, or what it must be like.

I feel like I've experienced a sudden epiphany or revelation in terms of my understanding of the illness.

I have just returned from a holiday in Europe/England and travelled economy class on a flight from London via Dubai which left England around 11pm.  We awoke at 7am so were awake for 16 hours before departure.  I had only a few hours sleep before arriving in Dubai.  The subsequent flight to Melbourne was disrupted and we had to return to Dubai so the entire trip took around 36 hours instead of the original 24 hours.  Except for a few hours of sleep I must have been awake for over 30, in addition to the 16 hours before departure.  Overall it was nearly 2 days without adequate rest.  As a result I experienced a severe case of jet-lag.  The symptoms included lethargy, irritability, confusion, fatigue, bouts of nausea and inability to relax enough to sleep properly at night, but uncontrollable sleepiness during the day.

I thought, 'if this is what Depression is like, no wonder people struggle to cope!"

I couldn't think straight.  I tried functioning during the day, e.g. I tried to order a new battery for my wife's laptop and couldn't even correctly transpose the part numbers into the online order form.  I mistakingly wrote an "8" where a "B" should have been,  an "S" became a "5" and I left a "0" out of a string of 3 zeros in a row.  No wonder the system couldn't find the correct model of battery!

This confused kind of behaviour continued for 3 or 4 days until I rested enough to be able to function somewhat normally, but at least I've now recovered.

I would appreciate a reply from anyone who is experiencing, or who has suffered Depression, to comment on my symptoms to see if they are similar to those of Depression.  If they are, I will be better able to understand my daughter's situation and why it's so hard to overcome.

With sleep, at least one can recover from temporary jet-lag!   

[geoff]

dear Jim, thanks for joining this site and I hope that your trip was enjoyable except for the problems that you now have.

It's been a long time since I travelled overseas and had to experience any jet-lag, but depression is even worse than what you have described, because with jet-lag you become better in a few weeks or so, but depression you don't, you may have it for months, or years, however we do have all of the symptoms but these can last for a long time, and then building up to a serious concern which again lasts for months and/or years.

With regards to the battery a depressed person couldn't even be bothered to order one, because we wouldn't give a damn about it, have no interest what so ever.

Jet lag you will recover from and do exactly as you have said 'With sleep, at least one can recover from temporary jet-lag!', unfortunately with depression this may not happen.

If you click under 'resources' at the top of this page and order the printed material from BB which details all about depression, it's free but very informative, and these pages will describe everything you need to know. Geoff.
regards to

[HelenM]

Hi Jimboe

I think it's really good that you want to help your daughter and are seeking to understand it.

As Geoff says in depression you wouldn't even order the battery. It's very hard to feel motivated in depression.

I have over the years suffered from various levels of depression. I'm presuming your daughter's depression isn't severe - that is very hard to explain and virtually impossible to understand.

I imagine your daughter has chronic depression that affects many areas of her life. Obviously life is tough for her. You have described mainly physical symptoms and these types of symptoms aren't unusual.

What is really hard is all the negative thinking. 

Feeling that you're a failure. Nothing you do is good enough. Someone comments on an achievement and you discount it.

Either feeling that people don't care or understand, or feeling guilty because you're letting everyone down.

Feeling that the future is bleak. You'll never be happy again/ never meet a nice guy/ never get a good job. There are lots of choices on this one.

Feeling very sad. Often you don't know why.

Feeling afraid of going out/ going in supermarkets/ working - anything. I'm afraid of my own company because I'm stuck with my thoughts.

Feeling like you're different to other people. Everyone else is stronger and you're weak because you feel this way.

Longing to be 'normal' again.

Anxiety is common too. I don't know if your daughter has physical symptoms of that. You don't mention if she's received help from a gp . Does she take medication. Or has she received counselling.

I wonder how it would be if you told your daughter that you know things must be really tough and would she like to tell you how she's feeling and what she'd like you to do to help. That's just an idea but perhaps it isn't feasible.

I hope the things I've put are a wee bit helpful. I would say the most important things are, Compassion, believing her feelings, being honest in a gentle way.

Take care, Helen

[Jimboe737]

Dear Geoff,

Thank you for the time and the personal insight you have offered in answer to my question, which was a bit long winded, I admit.

The revelation, and my comprehension it inspired, was reinforced by your comment about the battery and the fact that one suffering depression wouldn't have even tried to order it because there would be no interest in doing so.  In fact, I gave up after my first attempt, when I made the mistakes.  My wife asked me why I hadn't tried again and I said, "I'm afraid I'll just stuff it up again."  I waited a couple of days and then managed to correctly place the order on line, knowing that I would be better able to do so after catching up on lost sleep and casting off the jet lag.

I can now imagine what it is like for my daughter, and others like yourself, who can't manage to cast off the fugue caused by a depressive state or condition.

Deep down I've always been puzzled, and probably "critical" without ever expressing it, of her inability to "get over it."  Now, thanks to your personal confirmation of what it is like, I feel much more acceptive and better understand of what she's experiencing.  Hopefully, that will help me come to terms with it and I'll be better able to support her in times of need.

Thanks again for your kind and generous interest.

Regards,

Jimboe737

[Jimboe737]

Dear Helen,

Thank you for the response to my enquiry about the nature of Depression.  I appreciate your statement that it is different for everyone and that levels vary.  I have noticed times when my daughter is much better and experience a burst of hope that she is recovering to "normal."  So far periods of apparent improvement are temporary and she lapses into extreme melancholy from time to time.  I don't know how to quantify her condition in terms of severity but most aspects of her life seem to have been adversely affected by it.  She no longer works in her profession because of managerial concerns about her ability to safely do so.  On the other hand, her maternal interest and responsibility seems to be satisfactory.  I use that term advisedly and do not imply criticism.  She does a good job of caring for her kids.

Coincidently, I saw her and her children yesterday in a recreational setting for the kids.  She came into the city, got "bushed" and ran late for the activity for which the kids were booked. She handled the situation without "anxiety," or anger, which might have been the case at another time.

While the kids played I took your advice, "I wonder how it would be if you told your daughter that you know things must be really tough and would she like to tell you how she's feeling and what she'd like you to do to help. That's just an idea but perhaps it isn't feasible."  and told her I could help her with resolving a burdensome financial situation, if she wanted me to.

Until now, I have been reticent about making such an offer.  Although I'd like to help I don't want to intrude.

There was a period of 18 months or so when she wouldn't communicate with me and I didn't want to risk a recurrence of that situation.  I never knew why.

We'll see what comes of this recent contact.  I live in hope but have no preconceived expectations, which I'm more comfortable with, given your compassionate, insightful advice.

Thank you for your time and generosity.  I expect it to be of great assistance with the passage of time.

Regards,

Jimboe737

P.S.  In case you're wondering, I don't know why the font changed and don't know how to fix it.  I've noticed that it sometimes happens when I type a new paragraph but deleting the paragraph break and starting again has fixed it in the body of a post.  That technique hasn't worked since I pasted your advice into this post.  Anyway, Cheers! 

[AGrace]

Hi jimboe,

Geoff and Helen have given some amazing insight into depression, im pleased through this you've enhanced your understanding.  I wanted to add a couple of things.

Regarding the battery no one would have asked us to arrange replacement. Through fear people walk on eggshells around us. So we would never have been involved in this task in the first place. 

The other commonality of carers and loved ones is they have a strong need to help us fix our problem. My recommendation would be to start by just being a good listener.

It's admirable that you want to support your daughter, not many fathers would make this effort. As Helen has asked, is your daughter getting some professional assistance? 

AGrace

[Jimboe737]

Hi AGrace,

Thank you for the advice to start by being a good listener.  You're right when you say family and loved ones tend to focus on trying to "fix" things for affected family members.  I'd love to see my daughter live life as she did before the onset of her Depressive illness and continually wonder what I could do to help.  Based on HelenM's, geoff's and your advice I realise there's little I can do directly.   I accept that she's the one that has to deal with it but that realisation doesn't assuage my desire to be involved as a "fixer."

I will however, heed your advice.

Thank you for your interest.  My daughter is receiving professional advice and assistance from appropriately qualified psychological and medical practitioners.  Her medication was recently changed.  Although the withdrawal from the previous prescription was very difficult for her and the transition to the new one took some adjustment, she seems to be in a better frame of mind than she was earlier this year.

I think she has better rapport with her new psychiatrist and although her reference to her treatment is limited, she gives me the impression that she is confident it is helping.

You're very kind to take the time to write.  I appreciate it.

Jimboe737