What if nothing helps?

[20oney]

Hey all at BB,

I'm 22, treatment resistant depression for the past two and a half years.. Recently diagnosed as treatment resistant.. Chronic pain is another new diagnosis.. But they're all just words that I really do not want to take in at this stage.

I've been seeing a psychologist for close to 2 years now.. Maybe 9 months with the current psych.. I donno, I like them, and I am extremely glad to know that they are there, but when it comes to talking to them, I close up. It's always been that way for me, with everyone. I kind of thought I was being fairly open, up until the last couple of session where it's all sort of turned to crap. I've got it stuck in my head, that this is how it's going to be, until my final breath. Nothing seems to help in any way. I've tried meds, psychotherapy, exercise, eating well, seeing friends and family, drinking, weed, holidays, quitting my job, ending my 2 year relationship, I even went out and bought myself a trusty pooch to stand by my side (probably my best decision).

But yeah, despite all of this, here I am, in the thick of it all still. I feel like there's no hope left for me, and that nothing is ever going to lift this dark, low mood. Like I am going to be hiding this horrible side of myself forever, with no relief.. What sort of a way is that to live? I'm just really fed up with trying, and getting nowhere, in fact, going backwards. I want it all to end, but I know that's not going to happen.

Currently, I'm looking at a big change, a move to a new city. Somewhere fresh, with new smells, new everything. Away from all that I know and trust. In theory, I know that this may not be a great idea, especially when constantly battling away.. But, staying here, in this town isn't exactly doing me any good anyway.

Anyway, I just needed a rant, and know that someone will read this. So that's something I guess.. Thanks all

[20oney]

Hey neil!

My GP has actually been great throughout this, they're really supportive and actually appear to want to help. She trialed me on the first 2 meds. The first one had no hope, and the second one I was on for maybe 4-6 months, with no effect.. So I now see a public psychiatrist, who got me off the last one, and onto the new one. Which they are about to get me off of..

I'm sort of ok with the new path thing. Ok in a really terrified way. I had my career set out, I knew what I wanted to do with it and I enjoyed what I did. I miss it, but I don't miss the people, or the pain. So I have probably take a lot away from this experience yeah. It's just a series of unfortunate events has left me with not a lot of transferable skills. But yeah, I wouldn't be the same person without this part of my life, it has been significant. It's a waiting game, to see if someone might give me a chance in a new industry.

I feel resistant to starting a new job because of the low mood. From where I sit, now, it just feels like no matter what I do, I'm always going to be a miserable sod, so what's the point? To keep living, I need a job. But again, what's the point. These are all thoughts, with no actions attached. Just simple thoughts that lead nowhere.

BB has actually been good. It's probably what started me on my seeking help journey back way when, so I am great full to know that it is still here, along with all the great people.

Dogs are pretty damn good and I know what you mean, they seem to sense when things aren't so good, and come to the rescue!

20oney

[BballJ]

Hi 20oney,

That's half the battle regarding the road to recovery, being able to openly speak about everything without feeling the need to hide your emotions, I understand when you say you like to try and work everything out yourself believe me, I have done this myself so I know it all too well but there is nothing weak about reaching out for help in fact it shows great strength in yourself so I do encourage you to keep seeking help even when it feels like there isn't any. Seeking the help and continually trying to get better is the key... because one day it will click and you will feel this pressure that is lifted from you.

Keep being apart of the forums, I feel you have some great input for other people on here and part of healing ourselves is helping others I believe.

My best,

Jay

[Kazzl]

Hi 20oney, hope it's OK to add my 2 cents' worth. Not responding to just two drugs does not necessarily mean you are treatment resistant. Many people need to try more than two drugs before they find the one that works for them (I'm one of them - and my hubby had to try three different antidepressants before finding one that worked for him).

Treatment resistant is a horrible term which can create a sense of hopelessness because we feel nothing is going to work. Don't take it literally, keep trying. Try another doctor if needs be. Even the nicest GPS can have their limitations with mental health.

Seeing a public psych probably means long waits between visits? Have you thought about getting a mental health plan through a GP? That will allow you up to 10 visits with a private psychologist at a subsidised rate.

Please don't give up - there are ways forward for us all, it just sometimes takes a while to find them.

If you want to sound things out with another mental health professional, give our helpline a call on 1300 22 4636.

Very best to you

Kaz

[20oney]

Hey Kaz - I appreciate all 2 cents' received!

I'm up to 3 failed drugs now, which I understand, looking at a lot of other cases - reading books and all of that, 3 seems like nothing compared to other peoples' journeys. I'm not totally convinced that meds will be the saviour for me though.

I see a private psychologist - which I have a MHCP for, and a public psychiatrist, so the GP is no longer the pdoc in this instance. I don't know what's going to work for me, or if anything ever will - and that's not coming from a doom and gloom view. Some days I seem to be able to accept it a little more than others. Maybe that's all that will keep me going in the end.. I donno!

Thanks very much for the message!

Amy

[Doolhof]

HI Amy,

Medication can be one part of a strategy to help people improve. Quite often it needs to go hand in hand with a healthy diet, exercise, therapists and what ever else we can find that is beneficial to us in a healthy way.

For me it is gardening. We have a huge block here so I am never without a job to do. The fresh air, being active and having a sense of accomplishment helps me. I have indoor activities and hobbies as well to keep me busy.

What do you consider to be a good day? How can you create more "good days" in your life?

For me, accepting a not so good day as being just that helps me not to stress over it too much. I then try to make plans on how I can make that day better or make plans for tomorrow that will be more pleasurable.

It doesn't always work, but it is worth a go.

Cheers from Dools