Time Frames

Della4 · ‎14-03-2017

I have been recently diagnosed with depression, anxiety and alcohol misuse. I have to see a psychiatrist and psychologist as well as a regular gp. All of my life I have been a very strong person who has dealt with a lot of major blows in life. I used to tell the story about the camel and the straw to people, when things went wrong I'd think, I don't know just how much more this camel can take. I lost my parents when I was young, had disasterous relationships mainly with domineering, controlling men who used and took from me. Divorced my husband who was an alcoholic and couldn't stop doing things that were destructive to out relationship no matter how I tried to ask or get him to stop. I have begun over from scratch with nothing more then once, just driving myself to survive and just when I thought I may have finally have my life on the right track I allowed it to be destroyed by another domineering, thoughtless, aggressive man in my workplace. I threw away my dream job and two years of study away because of his aggressive, thoughtless opinions that noone else shared and now after so many years of trying so hard I have finally quit. I no longer care about things I once thought so important and wonder why I bothered even caring. Just seems a waste of time to me now, why'd I even bother. I picture that old camel splay legged on the ground now. People keep saying I need to eat properly and drink less and exercise etc, etc and I can't even bring myself to care anymore. I drink because it makes me feel better and numbs everything, I no longer care about my health and fitness, if I die who cares. I used to be very fit and sporty and now I don't even care and there are several physical health problems that I used to ignore as I just used to work hard and soldier on that are now causing me pain and grief. I have a rotator cuff injury, disc damage in my neck and problems with arthritis in my hands and bad knees, mostly from working my ass off most of my life for people who never gave a damn about me. I feel like I just want to remove myself from all of society right now and do little more then just breathe, I don't care about so much, except my pets, that's all. I am getting sick of people who seem to expect me to just get over it and switch on again, be the dynamic person I once was. I try to explain it as it's like there is a big switch there but I have lost to ability to switch it on and I don't know if or when that will ever come back.

Starwolf · ‎15-03-2017

Welcome to the forums, Della.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. It sounds like you have been shouldering an overload much of your life. Of course, it has taken its toll and depleted you inner resources.

The time has come to turn the tables. Up to now, you have tirelessly helped others. Now you must reach out for the help and support you so much need and deserve. I know how difficult it can be to do the opposite of what we have been used to. You have already taken a brave and wise step by posting here. It shows you understand the necessity for change... and for healing.

I suggest you do the K10 test (see the Facts section, top left of this page). It will help you get a clearer idea of what you are up against.

If you are not already undergoing treatment, booking a long GP appointment would be wise. You may need to go on a mental health plan, which includes subsidized counseling/therapy sessions. With patience and persistence the switch can be found again. Depression is a medical condition that must be treated as such. It will not disappear if left unattended. You deserve to regain quality of life and peace of mind. Struggling alone is far too difficult and unnecessary.

Do you have friends or family support ? Trying to explain mental conditions to those around us is not easy. They're outside the scope of logic and reason. Due to ignorance, people often say/do unhelpful thing. Being told to get over it and that everything will be OK is not OK. It is incredibly infuriating !

For tips on discussing mental illness, please copy this link into your browser :

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it#findwords

Please feel free to post as much and as often as you feel comfortable with. May it be to connect or just to shed some of the overload. You will find support in the Alcohol and Drug section too.

We'll be here for you every step of the way.

Della4 · ‎15-03-2017

Thank you for your reply, I work with in a government organisation so have access to much support in regards to mental health, I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and alcohol misuse by a psychologist and psychiatrist with a tendency toward agoraphobia. Unfortunately it has been my service within this organisaton that has led to my feeling so lacking in resiliance, disillusioned and depressed. There are also practitioners here who are high achieving and driven within their own field and find it difficult to understand why I can't just get over it or switch back on. I only wish it was that easy.

I have no family and have just three friends who all live a long distance from me, we communicate mainly by email or on facebook. I'm loosing my jobs soon and moving to a remote area of Tasmania I can't wait to just be away from everything and everyone. I have a few pets, dogs and cats that are all I care about, I like the picture of your dog.

Della

Starwolf · ‎18-03-2017

Sorry I haven't been around. A shoddy NBN installation blew up my modem.

Mental health practitioners expecting you to get over it ??? Sounds like they're in the wrong job ! Perhaps for the wrong reasons too. Nothing wrong with dismissing unhelpful therapists and searching for one you can work with long-term. It may take time and several attempts.

I hope moving away will help you move on. But please keep in mind that inner problems are part of the internal luggage...they can't be left behind. Sometimes, living with little human contact is not the best incentive to look after yourself.

I'm with you...there would be lessons in unconditional love and loyalty to be learned from our furry companions, if only humans were humble enough. I'm a remedial trainer (mainly with dogs these days) so live alone with a pack, also in a remote area. I have found that volunteering with rescue orgs is a terrific way to meet and connect with compassionate people. Perhaps it could be something worth considering when you find yourself job free or have spare time on your hands. Perhaps a less demanding job would help prune off some of the stress too.

Let us know how you go.