what happens in hospital?

[chociloni]

I feel Im almost at a point to go to hospital. Ive already seen a psych, plus a mental health nurse and they both think itd be worse for me if I was to go in there, and worse for me to change meds. How can this be? What is supposed to help? Im getting worse. I cant see a way out of whats happening. My life cannot go on with the same thought patterns, or loneliness, or poverty, so Its supposed to be ok for me to just stay in this mental space? Im just supposed to live a comprimised half life forever? Thats all there is for me?

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Chociloni,

First of all, nice to meet you! I don't think I have messaged you before. Given how much I am on here, that says something.

Prepare yourself for a long post. I'd like to preface this by saying thankyou for posting. This forum is full of people only to happy to listen. If you feel like you want to scream and need to talk to someone, we are here to help, as much as we can. We aren't in your situation, but most of us have been through tough situations. We know how not fun it is. If you're having a really tough time and you see no other way out of the darkness, please call Lifeline or the number at the top of the page. We are here to listen but due to time differences, life and moderation of posts, we can't respond instantly.

I don't know you well enough to know if you would be better in hospital. I am also in no way near qualified to make that decision. I can however share my story of what it was like. You see I got discharged from hospital this morning.

You know what? Hospital wasn't for me. I am heavily introverted.

If you track back through my posts on my websites I go into my issues there, but this post isn't about my issues. I lost my support network, all aspects of my life from financial to life goals to family to education were, without using foul language, screwed. That's how I ended up in hospital.

At a time when I was dealing with all of that, being in stange environment with strange people I didn't know (nurses and patients) were added stress. This added stress prevented me from working on my problems. I flat out did not leave my room. My psych team agreed that hospital wasn't working for me and were flexible. They gave me a weeks leave from hospital, so basically I could be at home with my husband on close watch for my moods and work through stuff with the psych team but at at the same time be in my bed, in my house dealing with people only I wanted to deal with. If I ever felt unsafe or my husband felt that I would not be safe at home, my room at the hospital was open.

Clearly something worked because after two weeks of leave, I am here at home permanently. Am I no longer living from Centrelink payment to centrelink payment? No. Have I dealt with the issues with my father? I am just beginning to. That will probably take years. Do I know where I am going in life or what job to even look for? No.

Most importantly, do I still have days where the only way I can stop myself from hurting myself is to lay compleetely still and not even speak? YES.

I am not completely, magically  better. However I have my support network back. I have ideas for coping mechanisms. I have the weapons I need to fight this. It will take a long time. It will be hard and it feels some nights like there is no end.

I am not going to tell you I am happy all the time post hospital. I'm not.

I am telling you this to let you know that it is true that for some people hospital does not work. Maybe it won't work for you. Your psych and mental nurse don't seem to think it will. I'm sure hospitalisation work for  some people. I'm just not one of them. You might be. You might not.

I also can't tell you what hospital will be like for you if you go. All hospitals are different, just as people are.

It feels like this is a wall of text for nothing but let me leave you with  one last addage. When I went into hospital, my girlfriend gave me a card. It's very Hallmark, I know, but it read " When it rains, look for rainbows. When it is dark, look for stars." I have since expanded my own thoughts on this in another post. This mental illness makes it so we can't see the stars. THe night feels heavy, dark and untraversible. The secret is the stars don't stop shining just because we can't see them. The stars are still there. Fight to see those stars.

Take care and talk soon

GA

[geoff]

dear Chociloni, on their part none of this makes any sense, if the medication isn't working then it needs to be changed, and if you feel at all suicidal or the thought of seriously harming yourself then you would be wish to go to the hospital.

What does your doctor think at this stage, as he/she can admit you to hospital plus they can also change your medication.

If I was you I would change psych etc, but I know that it's not that simple, and it takes time, but by the way you are so concerned, it would be a good idea to try and get into hospital.

I'm not exactly sure what these people are talking about, just like pay my fee and go, that's not how depression should be like. Geoff.

[joey]

Hi Chociloni,

Sorry you are having such a hard time. Just wanted to let you know there was a period some time back where I wanted to be put in hospital. I don't know why I guess I felt things were so bad and it was safer in there. Also maybe I felt that it was acknowledgement of how bad things were, In a way I felt because my psych hadn't put me in hospital he didn't understand how bad things were. Like I wasn't being taken seriously. Anyway many years down the track, and having got better myself and seen a close friend spend a lot of time in hospital I now understand they were right that I was better off not being in hospital. It's not a magic fix. Certainly has its place but if there is any way you can get the help you need out of hospital (and your doctors think this is for the best) then I think you should give it a try. Is there an intensive outpatient / day program you could do at the hospital. More support without having to be admitted. Sometimes its necessary but I believe its hard to move forward with your life when you are in hospital and not even living it. Good luck - let us know how you go. Joey

[Jo3]

Hi Chociloni

I too have many times asked my psych and GP to put me into hospital.  But they both refuse and say I would be worse off if I was admitted.

So they are trying positive intensive therapy in my sessions. And they both know that if at any time I am that fragile and need more support they will be there for me.  All I need to do is call my GP.

No, it's not okay for you to stay in this mental space.  Is your GP and psych helping you with therapy?

I feel for you and sorry that you are going through a tough time.

Pls let us know how you're going

Take care

Jo 

[chociloni]

seems to me in hospital all they do is pump you full of drugs. i really feel like i just need to see someone like every 2nd day (like a psych) otherwise im not going to make it through.

[Neil_1]

Hi Chociloni  

It’s been a little while since I’ve posted you … and I’m concerned about your latest message.  You will get through this, we just need to get you some of the professional help that you’re after. 

What is your situation regarding seeing a GP?   I’m sorry, I can’t remember … have you seen a GP recently?  Because with how you’re feeling, they should be providing you with a mental health plan so they can then refer you on to a psyche, so you can then get into the process of some positive therapy.  

You know you’ve got so much support and care for you on this site and we really want to help you as best we can, so you can start to feel a little better.  

 I hope you can or are able to make an appointment with a GP soon.  

Can you please get back to us to tell us how you’re going?  

 Kind regards  

Neil

[Guest_3712]

Hi Chociloni,

I see it's been a while since your last post so I don't know where you are at currently. I saw your title about what happens in hospital and as I have had several admissions I thought I would tell you of my experiences.

My first admission was not my choice. I had a complete breakdown and was on the phone to my psychologist just crying so hard I could barely breathe and then the next thing I knew I was being admitted to hospital. My problem at the time was pain med addiction and also depression( the latter I didn't know I had)

I cannot speak highly enough of the staff at this hospital. They were sensitive and caring and made a very scary situation a little easier. As I was in there to detox as well I wasn't  plied with drugs. After a few days settling in I attended group sessions that were held twice a day. An observer at first I gradually began to contribute and was amazed how many people were in the same boat as me.

My second admission I requested from my psych( he was assigned my case in hospital) as I was extremely depressed and at times suicidal. Again I wasn't plied with drugs, occasionally I may have been given something to calm me down. The real benefit was I had a lot of one on one with my psych- at least 3 times a week. I also continued the group sessions which were beneficial in a different way.

As the other contributors have said everyone is different and all hospitals are different. Depending where you are too, why not research a couple of places or else maybe your doctors know the rep of a particular hospital they would recommend.

Don't get me wrong. It wasn't easy. It was really hard and I missed my family so much BUT I felt safe, and I felt confident that these people knew what I was going through. I was not judged I was supported and counselled and allowed to be myself. If I wanted to cry I cried and I didn't feel guilty.

Whatever you decide just know there are a lot of professionals out there who can help you

Good luck

Stressless

[Shock]

Hi chociloni,

It has taken me a long time to decide whether to reply to your post. On one hand I totally agree with your nurse that you should only use the hospital as a last resort. On the other hand I dont want to say anything to make you feel worse. 

I've decided to tell you my story. Heads up, its not really a nice story.

I've been to hospital twice, both times involuntarily. The first time I was dragged there by the cops like a criminal - I had was feeling bad and just went for a drive. I didnt break any laws but they dragged we there anyway.

The 2nd time I went to hospital to get some medicine for another condition. They looked at my files and dragged me in involuntarily again. Once your marked as 'crazy' its hard to lose that.

The first time I was in I was lied to the entire time. Its easier for the nurses to control you with dis-information rather then telling you the truth. They lied about what treatment I was getting, when I would be let out, when I could call my mum and dad, etc. It was always "just 10 minutes", "It will be done soon" etc. When I started asking more pointed questions they would just ignore me. Please note I am a very shy person and never came across as mean or aggressive.

For a very long time I was held in a kind of holding cell. All the doors had locks and the nurses station had a plexiglass screen. There was a little cage if you wanted to go outside but it just opened up into a concrete parking lot. There was nothing to do - nothing to read and nothing to pass the time with. 

Many of the other patients there were quite violent. Some were locked in little windowless rooms with nothing but a mattress. Some where threatened by big beefy security guards. 

Like prison, they take your belongings off you. They took my phone so I couldnt call anyone to tell them where I was. When I asked to call someone they took me to a room with a phone and jokingly said 'good luck'. The phone was broken or disconnected. 

After hours upon hours I was given a pamphlet with my rights as a patient. I remember seeing a section on it that said all patients have the right to an 'allied person' to help get their needs across. I asked the nurse for an allied person. She took the pamphlet away, as well as those out on the wall. 

More stting around just waiting. I start getting nauseas as I havent taken my meds (been over 14hrs). I ask the nurse for some but they refuse.

Eventually I just lied my way out. As everyone else in there seemed to do. 

I dont know what other people are talking about in here. My experiance was pure hell