What is me, what is the depresssion and what's the med? What I think...

[Beetle]

HI

I have read many posts and where people were wondering how the 'real me' feels. With me I can tell the difference in my solar plexus( the area behind your breastbone).The real me, my soul is there, the real me lives there.

If depression/anxiety takes hold that area hurts, it crushes my chest and I cant 'be'.I want to run, die, or cut the feeling out.

The med manages to take that feeling away and replaces it with a positive warm feeling.

I know the real me is the positive warm feeling since I did experience this feeling before-but only randomly since my mental health was 'suboptimal' and I was down in the dumps.

So I believe there is only one real me- that one which can only exist with the med. So the real me was always there, and is still there, but the depression/anxiety suffocated those warm positive feelings and I could therefore never feel the real me. So now I can at least feel and am grateful for that. I lack the negative feelings which I don't miss.

Sorry this post probably doesn't make any sense-but I thought it may help people to learn feeling again.

My compass for the state of my mental health is my solar plexus. Its good to be able to feel that part again and not wanting to cut it out of my chest!

Beetle

[Chris_B]

Hi Beetle,

Hope you had a nice weekend. After the recommendation of a few people on the forums, I'm most of the way through 'The Happiness Trap' by Russ Harris and in it he talks about connecting with your negative (and positive) emotions by where you feel them in your body. It's a way of accepting your good and bad feelings, stepping back to observe them, and in turn to not become overwhelmed by them.  There are exercises in the book which teach you to do this, and I found it quite helpful.  

It sounds like you have come to this awareness on your own, which is great.

[Beetle]

HI Christopher

Thanks for your reply Christopher.

I definitely agree with you that we have top accept our feelings, otherwise we turn into robots. I think I am pretty good with connecting with my feelings, after having had counseling until the cows come home since I refused to take meds. I tried all the exercises on the planet from chi gong, yoga, fantasy journeys to deep breathing and exercise. They are all helpful and did help me and I still do them. However I got to the point where I  ran out of energy to keep my feelings in check. You know all of the above requires time and energy and in a normal life u gotta earn money and function. Cant just say to ur boss' oh no just gonna do my fantasy journey for a while cant pick the patient up from the floor right now, gimme 5 min....".

I can only speak from my experience but there is a breaking point where all exercises and counseling will not work anymore where we need chemical help. I gave up to ask myself "why" I feel how I feel and accepted that my poor upbringing and the associated traumata have affected my brain chemistry, which caused 'feeling overload" and deficiencies in controlling my feelings on a healthy basis.

Now with the meds I can deal with my feelings better, since they are not so extremely intense anymore. The bad ones are muted and the good ones are coming back.

Life is good

beetle