WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?

[goldilocks]

He's got an intervention order against me but says to me: "I have always liked you but I have kept it from you." Why is he playing games with me?

[goldilocks]

Hi MissBenthos,

I really can't pinpoint the reason as to why I became so attracted to him physically. Its kind of hard to explain, really. I first laid eyes on him in early 2016, and I didn't think much of him. But it wasn't until early 2017 when I saw him checking me out more often, then for some weird reason I became physically attracted to him, then hooked onto him. In mid 2018 he started ignoring me. I was hurt, confused and couldnt figure out why he was behaving in such a way. It makes me feel better having people tell me that I can do better, but there are times when I still feel depressed, because I really want to be part of this particular individual's life romantically. I just cant win 😞

[MissBenthos]

Hi Goldilocks,

Would it be correct to say that you are attracted to him simply for giving you a small amount of attention? I’m not a therapist but I wonder if you feel that it’s lacking in other areas of your life? You are worthy of attention. I hope you can come to love yourself enough that when another person gives you attention that you can ask yourself if they are worthy of yours rather than clinging onto them to give you more.

[goldilocks]

Hi MissBenthos,

No, that would not be correct. I have had other men give me attention and I have in turn only been polite to them. He showed an interest in me first, and I had not shown interest in him up until a certain point. It's past the point now where we could have been in a relationship.

[goldilocks]

Hi White Rose,

I think he definitely has a personality disorder. He is definitely abusive. He cheated on his ex-wife with so many women, and she takes him back so that he could have a relationship with their daughter.

[goldilocks]

Hi MissBenthos,

I just feel so sad. I wish I spent Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day with him. He needs a friend. But he was so awful to me. He used to call me names. He used to ignore me whenever I tried opening up a conversation with him. There was no need for him to get an intervention order placed against me, and now this is likely to last a lifetime, all because I stalked him out of admiration and adoration. We could have spoken about this, adult to adult, but he chose to go running to the police, his safety blanket. And now I am being accused of stalking his young daughter by his himself, his ex-wife and his step daughter, when they know for a fact that I have never done this. He needs a friend, but he has got a legitimate mental disorder that prevents him from maintaining stable relationships with people.

[MissBenthos]

Hi Goldilocks,

I’m sorry to you are feeling so sad and hope you can feel better soon.

At the end of the day you are not responsible for him and he is not responsible for you. This dynamic is not serving either of you. It’s time to let him make his own decisions and start focusing on yourself.

There are so many people in this world. You can find those who are worthy of your time to have happy and healthy relationships with.

Happy new year! I hope it’s a great one for you xo

[goldilocks]

I liked him because like him, my family treat me poorly.

[goldilocks]

Hi MissBenthos,

I was admitted to hospital not once, but three times over a man who emotionally abused me with his narcissism, and was detained all three times because I stood my ground against him. His so called ex-wife and his step daughter (who is older than me) spread lies and indoctrinated their young daughter/sister into believing that I "sit and watch her" and that I "know what school she attends." This man and his ex-wife know for a fact that this inst true and are stirring trouble, for whatever reason. I hardly know the family and I think they're a bunch of rotten scumbags. I was in love with this man, and I did not go about showing him my feelings for him the right way. He knew this, and what does he do? He goes behind my back to get a restraining order against me. He used to flirt with me, full on. But I bet he failed to tell his happy family this.

[MissBenthos]

Hi Goldilocks,

It sucks big time when we have to be our own executioner - by that I mean cutting off the people we care for when we want nothing more than to be there with them - but in these types of situations the other person is never going to give you the closure you need. By allowing them in your mind you are allowing them to cause you unnecessary distress. You deserve more.

There are relationships out there that people have moved on from even when the good outweighed the bad because the bad was unhealthy. This man and his family are not worth your agonising. What can you do to start thinking about life without them?

[goldilocks]

Hi MissBenthos,

Do you have any suggestions?