Hi amy
When I read your post, I instantly felt so deeply for you. Also felt the words 'Snap out of it'. Grrr!
As a 52yo mum and as a wife of 20 years, I've faced a number of periods in depression since my late teens. Always been good reason for each one of those periods. A depressing lack of energy's a major trigger. If energy's what connects us to life, you can feel the disconnection on such a deep level. Also depressing when your partner leaves you to feel it alone, as opposed to helping make sense of why you're feeling it.
Pays to be surrounded by wonderful people. They wonder with you, when it comes to all the possible reasons for your feelings. They'd never say 'Stop over analysing'. They'd sit and analyse with you, speeding up the process.
- 'Stop over analysing everything'. Not the best thing to say to someone who's trying to analyse the hell out of life, in order to find heaven on earth (pure joy, peace, greater drive and self understanding etc)
- 'You're too sensitive', as a criticism, is not the best thing to say to someone who holds the ability to sense/feel their experiences, energy levels, internal dialogue etc. Insensitive people lack the ability to feel on such a deep level
- 'Just get on with life'. Hmm...thanks for the detailed management plan
and on it goes.
While my husband waits for me to be happy, when I face depressing periods, took be years to figure out he doesn't help raise me to find what brings me joy (aka leaving someone alone to feel what down feels like). While we lead/raise our kids to feel what joy feels like, what excitement, personal growth and more feel like, the question is 'Who raises the raiser of others?'.
From a physical, mental and soulful perspective, what do you feel the lack of energy could be about? Could it involve all 3 factors? Could new year's day could be a trigger? Excitedly declaring 'This years' going to be different' and then going on to feel no difference (stuckness) has a feel to it. Standing still at crossroads in the middle of nowhere, with little energy to move forward and no signpost or solid guide, has a definite feel.
