Depression

Help at home: partners depressed

replies: 1

For a while now my wife has been depressed. I have seen a pattern, it is always external sources that depress her “I am at home all the time and I just want to do more I feel stuck” but when she is out of the house too much for work etc “I just want ... View more

For a while now my wife has been depressed. I have seen a pattern, it is always external sources that depress her “I am at home all the time and I just want to do more I feel stuck” but when she is out of the house too much for work etc “I just want to be home I miss my kids I don’t get to do X”. It’s like this with a lot. The biggest things that are getting me are that even though she will acknowledge what I do around the house, it’s will be rebutted with “but I just wish that you would do this…” I work from home and I do a fair bit. But my job is demanding, I manage projects for government clients it’s a six figure job. I work hard, I do school runs and swimming lessons. Clean the house when I can and look after the kids when they are sick so she can work or go to appointments or get out of the house. It destroys me to hear how she wants to be able to relax but can’t because she always needs to work around the house. As if what I do isn’t enough. I’ll get the conversation that she’s ok doing laundry and dishes but wishes I would remember to do it more Or that what I do isn’t the right and I prioritise wrong or how I did it was wrong. I am trying and I am coming off the back of a multiple year struggle with anxiety and depression due in part to losing my job in the Army because of various injuries. I’m trying and we seem to go around I circles. She takes an antidepresant but hasn’t seen a psych more than a handful of times and from what she has shared they always seem to point out my indiscretions and that I am an issue rather than her opening up about trauma in her life and what or why she feels certain ways. As if she only goes to complain about me. That’s probably not the case but I only know of what I hear. we have had providers for various things in the past like couples counselling that seemed to side with her and even call me abusive yet neglect to deal with her triggers and responses it’s always how I could do better. I struggle to find friends or people to chat to about this because if she finds out I vent to them she uses that against me as I have embarrassed her and I can’t be trusted or that I shouldn’t do that because it’s so inherently wrong and I should know not to talk about her. It manifests in very controlling ways for a lot of aspects of our lives. can someone help me or let me know I’m not the problem or that I might be?

How do I deal with guilt?

replies: 6

I wasn't sure how to title this but it's not wrong, hopefully this is the right place for this. For a few months now (roughly like 3-4 months, maybe longer) I have been dealing with a lot of guilt, self hatred and anxiety/depression. A couple months ... View more

I wasn't sure how to title this but it's not wrong, hopefully this is the right place for this. For a few months now (roughly like 3-4 months, maybe longer) I have been dealing with a lot of guilt, self hatred and anxiety/depression. A couple months back my girlfriend and I broke up, and I feel terribly guilty about everything. Our relationship was very rocky, and while I loved her a lot, there were a lot of times where I wasn't a very good boyfriend, and often made her feel terrible. She had asked me to get help earlier, and I wish I had listened earlier, but I was too stubborn and I wanted to fix my problems myself. Eventually, she decided to leave after a lot of thinking, and she told me that she couldn't move past the things that had happened in our relationship, and while I respect that decision and I wish her all the best, I can't help but miss her dearly, and wish that things turned out differently. I know this was my doing, and now I just feel so awful about everything. Ever since having more free-time and doing not much, I've had a lot of time to think and reflect and I feel that no matter how much I change, I'll never be forgiven for the things I have done and I'm afraid of that. I loved her a lot, and now that she's gone I just can't help but reflect on everything I put her through, and what I wasn't capable of providing to her. It's been eating away at me for the past while, and It's been getting me down a lot, no matter how much I distract myself. So my question is; How do I deal with this guilt? How can I move past my mistakes and become a better person? I plan to see someone in the coming months so I can improve myself mentally, but I just want some advice on how I can deal with this feeling better.

Really struggling

replies: 1

There’s a pit in my stomach while I’m sitting here staring outside my window because it’s the only thing that will stop me from crying. I feel so alone and sad and can’t help but think when will this go away. I have felt this way before, it lasted fo... View more

There’s a pit in my stomach while I’m sitting here staring outside my window because it’s the only thing that will stop me from crying. I feel so alone and sad and can’t help but think when will this go away. I have felt this way before, it lasted for 4 months. I do not want to wait for 4 months to come because those months were the hardest months of my life. I am depressed and alone with no support from family and my friends are to busy living their own lives with their relationships and lives. My boyfriend is in the army which is hard. I’m struggling with everything.

I’m not sure if I have depression or not?

replies: 2

I am a healthy 29 year old male, with a good job and a wife.lately I have been finding myself feeling lost with little purpose. I use to always love any free time I could get to work on my cars or work around the house, but lately I have no drive to ... View more

I am a healthy 29 year old male, with a good job and a wife.lately I have been finding myself feeling lost with little purpose. I use to always love any free time I could get to work on my cars or work around the house, but lately I have no drive to do anything at all. I sometimes find myself opening up Netflix then just staring at the screen because I don’t even want to watch something.I spend hours scrolling through Facebook not even enjoying what I’m looking at.I’m not always sad, most of the time I am happy but I’m finding now I am starting to feel sad and lost for 1-2 weeks at a time.I have good friends but I don’t even feel like making plans.For the first time in my life I’m dreading a long weekend coming up because I don’t feel like doing anything at all, and I am scared that I will just sit around and feel worthless all weekend. I don’t feel comfortable talking to my wife about it, which makes me feel worse.I have seen sever depression first hand and this isn’t that, but I’m not sure why i am feeling so down lately

I don’t want to speak anymore

replies: 3

Every time I speak, be it to family and friends or complete strangers, I either embarrass myself by saying stupid things or no one seems to be interested in what I have to say. They talk over the top of me as if I’m invisible or if they do hear me, I... View more

Every time I speak, be it to family and friends or complete strangers, I either embarrass myself by saying stupid things or no one seems to be interested in what I have to say. They talk over the top of me as if I’m invisible or if they do hear me, I’m laughed at or told I don’t know what I’m saying or I don’t make sense.I just don’t want to be able to speak anymore and be mute. It would save me so much embarrassment and heartache. I just don’t have the energy anymore. It’s an honest effort both physically and mentally to think of the right words in the right tone.

Lonely, no family no friends. Have massive anxiety

replies: 2

Feel like I just got nothing to give anymore

How do I support him ?

replies: 1

My partner suffers from depression and recently spiralled into a deep depression, when I exacerbated a situation by not initially trusting him. We resolved that issue, however, in doing so he told me he wasn’t sure how he felt about me any more and n... View more

My partner suffers from depression and recently spiralled into a deep depression, when I exacerbated a situation by not initially trusting him. We resolved that issue, however, in doing so he told me he wasn’t sure how he felt about me any more and needed space. It broke my heart. I blamed myself. He told me the current situation had broken him. But when it came to telling me how he felt about me, all he could say was, he didn’t know. I’ve been trying to understand and educate myself now on depression and I realise that it’s probably not me or our relationship causing this and I’m trying to look for ways to support him. We don’t live together so I’ve been able to give him his own space and I’m scared that he’ll tell me it’s over. I also suffer with anxiety so trying not to blame myself. trying not to be scared is hard, but I know that I need to be there for him without being scared. he’s not very responsive to text right now but has let me know he’s okay. We had a couple of days where we didn’t see each other but we did text I saw him two days ago and now I’m questioning myself how much space to give him without making him feel like I don’t care and without encroaching on his space and pushing him away. Do I wait for him ask me to spend the night again or do I suggest it .. if I leave it too long will he convince himself he doesn’t love me anymore .. how do I ask him what he needs from me to support him without him pushing me away and saying he doesn’t need anything .. I’m lost and all I know in my heart right now, as hard as it is I need to treat my own anxiety if I’m going to be able to support him and not have it affect my own emotional and mental health. So I have done this and i have made him aware of the help I sought and that I’m taking action . Maybe he will follow . Maybe this will help me listen actively without panicking and trying to salvage things.how much space and time is healthy ?

Feeling very up and down.

replies: 4

Hi guys, So I've recently been diagnosed with depression after telling people I've felt down for a few months. I wanted to get onto it quickly before it became worse but basically I knew something wasn't right because I had the gut feeling that wasn'... View more

Hi guys, So I've recently been diagnosed with depression after telling people I've felt down for a few months. I wanted to get onto it quickly before it became worse but basically I knew something wasn't right because I had the gut feeling that wasn't just feeling depressed for a short time. This was something I've never felt before, just overwhelming sadness. At first it just kind of came on and I didn't know where it came from because I don't have anything that's really missing from my life which the made me feel kind of selfish because there's so many people with way worse problems than me. But as I started therapy it came to me that there are a few triggers that I hadn't really acknowledged and while it was a relief to discover them, it hit me more that there is a reality that I'm feeling. I'm on my way to getting through the list of values the psychologist wants me to aim for but I guess the main issue is stopping hating myself and forgiving myself for the smallest mistakes. There is a lot of small things that are going on in my head that are causing me to feel this way too, it's a bit complicated to mention on here. I'm doing ok, I have good days when I'm with friends and family and do things. But the gut feeling is still there so that's my main aim at this point.

Depression...a ship on the high seas

replies: 14

Imagine it. You are a ship in the ocean. 'Normal people' live on land and you visit there often but you are drawn back to your ship at the docks only to be sent off again on a trip to the high seas (depression) But there is no destination and no adve... View more

Imagine it. You are a ship in the ocean. 'Normal people' live on land and you visit there often but you are drawn back to your ship at the docks only to be sent off again on a trip to the high seas (depression) But there is no destination and no adventure In the ocean all alone you shut down the engine because- well there is no sense in proceeding when you have not directional control - no rudder (medication). Perhaps your parents were also born without one, or you had an incident or your construction is made of soft wood. So you go into the dry dock. Here you are dried of all control where others can evaluate you, ask you questions and repaint you. They install your rudder then put you out to sea. You head off with complete control but you have no map (therapy) nor do you have any contact with others (land) and others feel "out of sight out of mind". Land is not life on the high seas- they wont understand. Only sailors do. You search through to find comfort to find a map but this map has missing pieces (consultations), much searching is needed to find the missing bit to join them together.(therapy sessions). During this voyage your rudder is unreliable, the linkages are fragile. Your direction is always vague. You stand on the bridge with waves drenching your face often. You often want to kiss the world goodbye as you feel irrelevant, often adrift without energy. Some ships make it to shore but have to use anchors to land so they repel the forces that drag them back out to sea. Being a ship you will never be thrown onto land like most. But you do get some people waving at you from the shore. Lovely but not enough to call it support. And you do get the odd ship passing by throwing a rope ladder to connect you so you dont feel all alone, nice, but they also have their own problems as they are ships themselves. You accept that you are indeed a ship and always will be. You also realise that you can let out all of your emotions when ever you want,in your own hull. The echoes are deafening. The dock managers (psych's) know your struggle but when at sea if you have no rudder (meds) they cannot help you.And if you do not have therapy (maps) you cannot find direction.As you are a ship you will never get to be on land and return to the docks. You must fix your rudder,you must find all parts to your map and piece them together,you must make the interior of your ship seaworthy (caring for yourself). Then you can be repaired so you can anchor yourself to shore. A safe ship

Why am I depressed if my life is perfectly fine

replies: 3

my life is perfectly fine, I have a loving family, nice friends and a girlfriend, my parents are sometimes stressing as for school but I don’t really think that’ll make me depressed, I have diagnosed depression and anxiety I’m 16, I harm myself and h... View more

my life is perfectly fine, I have a loving family, nice friends and a girlfriend, my parents are sometimes stressing as for school but I don’t really think that’ll make me depressed, I have diagnosed depression and anxiety I’m 16, I harm myself and have suicide attempts I want to know why I’m depressed, but there’s no reason at all.

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