Depression and anxiety and ptsd

tank-89 · ‎12-03-2023

Hi guys I’m at 34 year old bloke . When I was younger I copied it really hard form my mother she used to flog me around the back of the head and always yell at me for doing the littles thing wrong 😑 , and still too this day I’m still really scared of my mother . I don’t feel comfortable being around her I always make sure that there is another person there because I get intemperated form her I can’t stand being out with her in public.. it’s starting to get to the point where I want to runoff though the night an not tell anyone else about it.

It feels like a big dark cloud is always following me around and I don’t have any friends an I don’t have any self confidence and I don’t have any self of steam and I don’t have any energy. I don’t like moving out of my comfort zones and I don’t like talking to my family members about things and still to this day I’m still scared of her, an still does yells at me if I do the Little’s thing wrong 😑..

sbella02 · ‎12-03-2023

Tank-89,

Thank you for finding the strength to post on here, and we warmly welcome you to the forums.

I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship with your mother. That kind of treatment from her is not okay, and it can really impact on somebody's mental health for a long time. I can guess that this experience has contributed to your feelings now, with regards to your self-esteem and self-confidence. Would you feel comfortable discussing this with her, or is this avenue not a possibility? Opening a conversation is one of the best ways to start resolving an issue, particularly something that is this ongoing and harmful to your wellbeing. I understand that not everybody responds well to these kinds of conversations, and if you believe this would be the case with her, distancing yourself may be a good option for you.

If you'd like to have a chat with an objective third party, I'd recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT, or 1800 737 732, which is the national helpline for people like you who are struggling with mistreatment by somebody close.

Have you tried reaching out to your GP, a therapist or psychologist about how you're feeling? They may be able to help you work through your feelings and some of your experiences, offering professional advice, tips and tools for you.

Do you have any interests or hobbies that you can engage in regularly? Are there any sports that you like, or any solo activities that interest you? Immersing yourself in hobbies and passions can be great for your self-esteem, as well as helping you to consolidate and process some of the more difficult feelings. Sports can also be a good way of making new social connections, and social support can be revolutionary for wellbeing.

Journalling and recording how you feel can also help. Whether it be something as simple as writing down how your day went, or recalling an event from your past that is troubling you, this can also be a good method of processing difficult emotions.

Please feel free to chat with us some more, as we're here to support you.

Take care, SB

therising · ‎13-03-2023

Hi tank-89

My heart goes out to you as I think of the many fearful, stressful and depressing experiences you must have faced over the years. The mum in me wants to give the kid in you a massive hug.

I hope it helps in some way to know the following... As a 52yo woman, it's only been in the last few years that I've come to realise why I struggle with a number of the things I do. While my parents are basically good and kind people, they never gave me a number of the skills I've found I need for life. In no way do I blame them, I've simply come to understand why I struggle in some of the ways I do.

I was never taught skills in being fearless or skills that lead towards the development of high and healthy levels of self esteem. While I'd occasionally go out to social functions as a kid with my family, I was never socialised to large degrees like others kids can be. Such kids rarely face social anxiety. While not pleasing people around me was met with judgement and rejection, I came to hate myself as opposed to having been given the skills to truly love myself beyond various forms of judgement and rejection. It was easier just to please in some cases, forming me into somewhat of a people pleaser, so as to be accepted. So, you could say in a way I was conditioned to not be fearless, confident, self loving and socially able. While my 17yo son and 20yo daughter face some of these challenges to varying degrees, the 3 of us have been developing a lot of strategies and skills together. We're all guiding each other in a number of ways through what none of us are expert at, yet. As I say to my kids 'You face some struggles because I couldn't give you the skills I was never given, just like my parents weren't able to give me the skills they were never given'.

Tank, while your mum's conditioned you to fear her, starting from a very young age, she's also conditioned you in other ways. You hold every potential yet perhaps not the tools to create who you so desperately wish to be. You could say 'I'm a carpenter' or 'I wish to be a carpenter' but if you are not given the tools or the knowledge in carpentry, how can you create? Gathering the tools and knowledge for life can begin at 17, 20, 52 or 34. Sometimes the greatest challenge can involve knowing how to begin gathering such things. Perhaps the gatherer in you is now wishing to come to life.