I want to run away from my life

[BrokenHearted88]

My life feels so hard right now. Insurmountable. I want to run away.

I have a 3YO and 5MO. 3YO is high energy, doesn’t nap, is challenging to get to sleep and wakes up alot. 5MO is pretty easy going but is teething and needy. I can only afford one day of childcare a week so have both kids by myself 6 days a week.

partner works alot, is renovating our house and generally does not understand how much im struggling. I literally said to him today ‘i want to die and burn this house down’ and he continued working in his office at home ignoring me as the baby cried in my arms and the toddler tore the house apart.

I dont have much family support because they live too far away.

We earn too much for any government support but our outgoings are too high to afford anything or any help.

i feel like im drowning. Im so depressed and desperate. I don’t know how to cope. I want to just run away and leave the mess to my partner to figure out.

[Sophie_M]

Dear BrokenHearted88,

We’re really glad you could come to the forum to share this with our community. We know it isn’t easy to share something like this, but we think it’s a powerful step and we really appreciate your openness and bravery in sharing.

We’ve reached out to you privately to make sure you’re ok. If you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There’s also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

We have also provided you with some extra resources that may be helpful for you in our private reponse, please don't hesitate to contact PANDA, Look at COPE's resources, or check out The Gidget Foundation for more support, resources and information that may be helpful for you at this time.

Please keep sharing your words on our forums. Many forum members may have experience with some of the challenges you mention and we think you will find great value in all of their kind and supportive responses.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[geoff]

Hello BrokenHearted88, raising kids is certainly not easy and can feel exactly how you are feeling and Sophie has givenyou link to get help.

Can I also suggest that your doctor can offer you a mental health plan, this allows you 20 sessions which are paid for by Medicare to talk with a psych, so is it possible for your partner to look after the kids for an hour or so when you have an appointment.

I know it's not as simple as this and realse he might say he has work to do, but remember a mum has to work 24/7 as it's not a 9 to 5 job and does deserve at least an hour to herself for couselling/help.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Like anxiety and depression, this problem I feel, needs a multi pronged approach. So let's start by what you yourself can change to assist in coping then I'll talk about other ideas.

When my adult children were toddlers I held down 3 jobs including shift work while my stay at home wife was really lazy. So I had to find ways to cope and visited my GP which is what Geoff suggested. His first question was - "what distresses you the most", I replied "my eldest one crying" to which he replied "mm, I've never treated a baby for crying, you do realise they never die from crying dont you".  That statement did bring me down a bit, sort of put things in a little perspective, that I can at least allow her to cry without stressing over that. It was the beginning of some change of views on my part.

What followed was- not a request but a demand for my then wife to lift her game but that simply wasnt specific enough so I had top introduce changes the first being- for her to cook all meals as she was the "homemaker" by choice and I was working 70 hours a week sometimes nightshift. So, in your case as a suggestion twice a week your husband look after the kids while you scoot off to the local shops and chill out, have a coffee at a cafe, window shop minimum 3 hours, evening, weekends, go to a cinema.... Write down the kids needs so there is no renovations taking place in your absence and nappies and other stuff is done when you get back. Take a friend etc.

Express to hubby you can make an exchange- you can when your kids are sleeping or quiet in a play pen, take 20 minutes to clean up the renovation site. That will be a change in environment from in the house, sweep, put tools away, have a laugh... be together. Another way to get closer is enjoy a cuppa and let your children cry, it's ok, remember what  the doctor told me and in this period company with hubby is important time together.

Geoffs mental health plan suggestion will provide some advice by professional medical staff.

Finally, this stressful period is an opportunity to rethink any future plans for more children. Some of reach our limits and without a hands on partner we reach them quicker.

All the best.

TonyWK

[Jitterbug]

You poor thing. I can remember those hard days when my own kids were little, we were renovating and my husband worked fly-in fly-out. It felt like those days would never end but thankfully it does get easier. I really feel for you. Maybe you’re doing this already but the best thing I ever did was get out of the house more. Aside from a change of scenery (not having to look at the unfinished renovations), it also meant the toddler didn’t have as much time to trash the place and I had less to clean up! I don’t know if you have friends living close by, but just going to have a coffee with a friend can be such a such a mood booster at these times. If you can’t leave your kids with your husband while you go out, meeting a friend at a playground or cafe with a kids’ play area can be good. If you don’t have friends living close by, perhaps joining a parents group, playgroup, or enrolling your 3 year old in a sport or special interest group of some kind would give you the opportunity to meet and offload some stress with other parents who are experiencing the same challenges. Aside from this, I would say that everything looks bleak when you’re not getting enough good quality sleep. You didn’t say whether you are sleeping well and maybe you are but, if not, I wonder if something can be done to help you get the rest a busy mother needs? For example, maybe your husband can get up for the kids in the night more often. You might already be doing these things anyway given that you have a 3 year old and it’s not your first rodeo! I would also add that counselling can be so helpful too. It’s usually pretty easy to get a mental health care plan put together by your GP so you can access Medicare subsidised sessions. I really hope things get easier for you soon.