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Walking Contradiction

Community Member
I woke up on Monday morning after a weekend sitting on the couch all day and night worrying and procrastinating about the things going wrong with my life, and decided to take action and took myself to a doctor.

I was actually shocked at the amount of problems or health concerns i've had in the past 6 months, hot and cold flushes resulting in severe rashes all over my body (nervous rash), cloudiness, lack of concentration and my "sensitive" side were all related to anxiety/depression.

Ive been calling myself lazy, stupid and a failure never thinking that my overanalysing of everything could be the cause to these feelings. 

A situation at the beginning of the year left me with a fear of leaving my house, I had to push myself to attend my full time studies running out of my house. The lounge room became my safety zone to which my boyfriend dubbed me "Couch Dracula".  Which was and is still amusing, in fact im sitting on it right now.

This fear catapulted into self doubt, hate and a whole lot of guilt/ embarrassment for the way I was behaving (mostly uncontrollable tears and even irrational behaviour towards teachers and other students for making out that im stupid (which of course looking back they were just trying to help))

It would be really great to talk to people in a similar situation, what you do to get out the door or to get that home work or whatever your job is done.

At the moment I've lost any vision of my future, and thats why I accessed help. I dont want to be constantly worrying and staying on the couch forever..


7 Replies 7

Community Member

Dear Couch Dracula counting the depressive ways of life,

Be boring.    Put the anxiety under the couch.   Try telling yourself that if you go to school you'll probably have some idiot comment directed at you within 3 minutes of arriving and then be pleasantly suprised when it takes 4 mins.   If you can predict or pre-empt the stresses then you lose all the OMG moments and reaching for the Doritos under the cushion.  Also, most the thinking has to be done somewhere.

Here's an example from my bipolar life (many years).  Excuse the digression but anxiety/depression/bipolar are very much connected.  Whenever I drop my wife off at Church there is a lady that lies in wait for me !  So, as I drive off with my dog she suddenly appears and then offers some semi religious ad hoc treatment plan in the car park.   I could get anxious and refuse to drop my wife off again or I could be predictable and think "Here she comes again - I'm thinking she'll offer me a fruit cake this week to "cure" my depression".   But today it was this advise, somewhat well meaning but also a bit ignorant..........."Have you thought of taking Milo before bed to cure your depression ?". 

The milk of human kindness just keeps flowing.   Good Luck with stablising.  Guess you're lucky that The Bold and The Beautiful is off rotation at the moment.

Adios, David.

PS  Maybe your boyfriend is a genius.   "Couch Dracula" inferring that you might come out and taste blood/life one day but until then the Couch is good enough.

Thanks for the tips David. 
There are many other factors that come into play, dealing with these situations. The waterworks and rash being a massive one. Sometimes its not even a reaction to what is being said.. but more so, me beating myself up about how I got into the position in the first place feeling frustrated and guilty.
Too many thoughts running through this head.

Dear Miss Couch Dracula,

The avatar, leisurely lying down with a white robe, white towel around the head, cucumbers covering the eyes, probably listening to soft music (or falling asleep to Wayne Swan's budget speech played at a suboptimal volume, the comfort of the bed,  whilst what looks like a body (but seems to be a ginger cat) soaks up the stress is a good projection of what you want to feel or need.

Peace of mind is highly valued in society.  Maybe the racing thoughts and constant jumpyness can be employed as a detective or sports commentator.   Or even, to have a dig at politics again, as a political spin doctor.  Ever changing.

Plenty of wars, films and take overs of the remote control have been engineered whilst on the couch.  Even the Simpsons couch cover at the start of each episode just wouldn't have worked if they'd gone for covering dining table seats or "Who wants to wash up tonight ?" manouvres.

Adios, David.

Community Member

Hello Couch Dracula

 I have had several years of battling to get out the door but I am slowly getting on top of it. CBT helped me realize my fears were based on past situations and it is unlikely the things I fear will happen again.

I would choose a situation like going to a particular place and go through in my mind what I perceived happening once I got there. I could usually dream up some pretty crazy scenarios of people staring or laughing at me. Or worse. Then I thought more about the situation and had to admit that was really unlikely. The reality was most people would not even notice me.

 I enlisted the help of some faithful friends and would get them to come with me to where ever I wanted to go. Knowing I had them to 'rescue me' if necessary helped. It was still scary but I have gradually added a list of what I call 'safe places' where I can now go alone.

Looking back on situations where I have felt really vulnerable in the past and acknowledging that I was never really in any danger has helped me to see most of my fears are ungrounded.

 It has not been easy an there are still some situations I cannot handle but I can at least live a fairly normal life and have some fun.


Hope this helps and you can make some progress.

Thanks for the advice Jacaranda,
I think the problem is that I've given up trying, quitting so theres no chance of failure or embarrassment.
However, in the end the quitting is also the embarrassment and only causes guilt.  
So now I just hide away in my house.   m(._.)m

@David, I would make an excellent Detective hahaha.

Community Member

Hey Drac

The couch is very comfy! That's why it's called a couch. 

But there's lot of fun things that can happen on a couch. One thing I discovered is whenever i'm on a couch with a computer - which is often - is to try and learn something that I don't know how to do. In dunno - like learning photoshop or one of the tons of free graphics programs. Or learning how to build a website...a few years ago in a fit of obsessive behaviour I zeroed in on that and it ain't too hard...but when obsession is your biggest strength, at certain times turning obsession into a positive can really work in your favour...the secret is not watching but doing..and the detail can shut the world out nicely for a while and provide an achievement.

Being on the couch doesn't mean being passive - but getting out is cool too. If you like lying down but going out is tough, try going out to your closest Planetarium...you can sleep on the reclining chairs if you like or get spun out by the universe. That can really put things in perspective. All you have to do is get there - and believe me, no-one cares what you look like. It's fun - alone or with company...child, friend or date. I did it on the weekend and had a really good time...it's full of every kind of person including us. 


That sounds really fun, lying down and getting spun out by the universe! The amount of times I've thought I'm not 'allowed' to do stuff (because I'm too awkward, weird, wrong etc) and have shown up and seen that there are all sorts of normals and weirdos who don't stare at me and ask me to leave, I can't count. No one's ever asked me to leave btw. Oh, once for being too loud.

I wish I could REMEMBER that I am allowed to do fun stuff and no one else seems to know that I feel like an imposter. It's a daily battle. Very tiring.