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im so lost

dopamine
Community Member

hi,

im so lost and confused, i have huge mood swings, from happy to just wanting to kill myself. i cry often in my bedroom and i have no one to reach out to. im also still "in the closet", my parents are huge homophobes. my dad said he'd support me, but i think he wont, he actively uses the 'n' slur and the 'f' slur. i really want to reach out to someone or talk to a therapist, but i ask my parents theyll start critisizing me or i dont even know. but it will definetly be negative. im also at an awkward age where i need to behave and think like an adult, but also act like a child? im suddenly too old for that, and too young for this. my mother is very strict as well. ive also been having body image issues currently, and my parents are forcing me to eat, and after i eat, i try to throw up, but i cant. i feel so pressured all the time. theres still one month before school begins, i dont think i can handle this anymore. i just want to be done with this. im going to lose my mind or kill myself, its one way or another. i cant reach out to my friends because im too scared. please help me, i just really want someone who can talk to me about this.

2 Replies 2

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator

Hey Dopamine,

Thanks for sharing whats happening for you. It takes alot of courage to reach out so we're really glad you have. Being in the closest is one of the hardest things that many people face, and not having much support around us can make things extra difficult. This is a very common issue for many who identify as LGBTQI+. Know that you are certainly not alone in this.
 
We also want you to know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Some of what you have mentioned makes us concerned about your safety and well being, so we have also sent a private message to you also. Please check your inbox.

If you feel unsafe or wish to act act on thoughts of self harm or ending your life, this is an emergency and you should contact 000 immediately.

1MsPhoenix
Community Member
I am so sorry about your circumstances. I have a friend who has body dysmorphic issues and who is gay. I have learned a lot from him regarding his owngoing diet behaviours. Your depression is contributing to your self-image and your self image is contributing your depression. I have struggled to get on top of my depression and mask it, but of recent months it has become exhausting. I know you feel you have no one to talk to - you can talk to me if you would like to. I am older than you and maybe that would help. I understand completely the feeling you are caught in a loop that you can't get out of and please remember that depression is what exhausts so much you do not want to bother. I am sure your parents love you. Do you think it is possible they already know you are unwell?