Very low and Sad.

[Joycey83]

Hi, i am Male 42 and i have accomplished nothing in my life. I am lonely, i feel so empty. I do battle every day trying to understand why i was born into the world, i have no purpose or meaning in my life. I didn't do well at school, i had difficulty keeping jobs. I always thought that i was just unlucky that i wasn't smart, intelligent or skilled at anything. I never married or had children, i was hopeless at absolutely everything and i gave up so easily when things got to hard. I was always weak. I used to drive a car and 1 day i just stopped, years past and i lost a lot of confidence as a result of it. I have a lot of fears that greatly effect daily life. I've lost feeling, i have no motivation or get up and go. I hate my life, i hate who i am and what i became. I am not suicidal, i would never hurt myself but i do constantly wish for something bad to happen to me, a health condition that would end me quickly. No suffering, just instant because i have nothing in my life, nothing at all. I feel like i am in a deep, dark hole and i am trapped and there is no way out of it. Everyday is the same, i wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror and i hate what i see. I wasn't meant for this world, i sort of knew early in my life that i was never going to amount to anything. I was addicted to video games in my youth and it destroyed me in a lot of ways, i only wish i had seen it sooner but the damage was done. I wasted so much of my life and i am paying the price for it now. If only we could turn back time, i never would have touched games knowing what they were going to do to me.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Joycey83,

Thank you for sharing so openly with us here. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially when you’re not feeling your best. It sounds like those thoughts of “I don’t matter” and “What am I good for?” have been weighing heavily on you for some time. When those thoughts take hold, they can be incredibly loud and difficult to ignore. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and you’re certainly not alone in experiencing regret - those “if only” moments can make it really hard to stay grounded in the present when the past feels so overwhelming.

Is there anything—or anyone—that helps you get through when things feel this tough? This is a huge burden to carry on your own, and it’s completely understandable to feel exhausted after holding it for so long. If you ever feel like you need more immediate support, please know that the Beyond Blue Support Service is available online or over the phone on 1300 22 4636.

Thank you again for opening up here. We’re here to support you. Even if we don’t always have the answers, we’re here to remind you that you’re not alone and that you do matter, even when those thoughts try to convince you otherwise.

Take good care of yourself 💙

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[snakes_ladders]

Hi Joycey83,

I came in here to talk about myself and saw your post. I would say my life is very different to yours, but yet I'm feeling the same way right now. I'm a male of similar age, am married, have lovely children, nice house and have a decent job. But more often that not I feel much of the same way. I feel like I didn't achieve anything that I could have achieved and am always experiencing failure after failure. Right now I'm in a very bad moment in life despite everything.

If I stop and think, I can see what I have really accomplished and how fortunate I really am - but I am more and more understanding that that alone is not what fulfill us. I heard once a story that says that if on the exact same day two people have two very opposite experience - say one wins lottery and the other suffers a very serious accident and loses some member of his body. The story says that in on a random day, a year from that day,  those two people will be feeling the very same level of happiness.

I think the expectations of what we 'should be' and we are not, is what makes us feel this way. We don't need to be this, behave that way, accomplish that something else to be happy or for our life to have a meaning. We just need to accept to be who we really are. Do you really hate your life or do you only hate your life because you don't have some other life that you think you were supposed to have.

See, it doesn't matter if you are a gamer, a loner, introvert, bad driver, tall, short, fat, skinny, gay, dog lover or cat lover. It matters if you accept who you are and take the pleasure in doing what you really want to do. Granted you may find much harder to find people like you - but that is because everyone else are just pretending to be someone the think they should be. Everyone has fears and are suffering inside. Everyone wears a mask. I bet you right now that there are tons of people out there who are thinking the same way as you.

If I can give you a suggestion, tomorrow morning when you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror, and think: this is who I am. Embellish yourself any way you want - shave, brush your hair, add a tattoo. Treat yourself and your body with pride. At very least you will be one of the very few in the world that won't be wearing a mask. And soon, once you feel comfortable of being yourself you will start finding other like you and finding joy in your life.

That is YOUR life not anyone's else. So live it for you.

Good luck. I wish you all the happiness!!

[Kalm15]

Hi  , warm welcome to you.

I just want to tell you that you still have time to do something for yourself if you want to. I am 59 and not married or have kids. Had a lot of regret in my life, so much. But I didnt want the last bit of my life to be like the rest has been so I started to learn new skills in the art world, I was never an artist but I am now and it's changed my feelings about myself. I'm happy for the first time ever.At 59!! I was like you and stopped driving for 6 years. But I got my license again and a car and now I drive everywhere. I was terrified when I started back driving, absolutely terrified but like anything  , after a few months it was much better. You may not believe it but your still young. You still have time. Take things slow but learn a skill. Anything that you feel interested in. Don't say I am interested in nothing, try to find something you click with. Honest, it will be a real help for your mental health. I speak from experience.  I had nothing and felt such a loser. But I looked at courses on youtube and went from there. You are as good as the next person. That's the truth. We are maybe not as smart or fast as some people but so what. We are unique as ourselves. I really wish you the best. Come back on the forum anytime. We are listening to what you have to say.