Just here to vent my feelings since I don’t think anyone understands me that well that I’m close to.
I’ve just come out of a long term relationship. Months pass and out of the blue they thinks we should return to being friends- that I have not grown or developed in the last few years and kept up with them. They’re older than me and naturally ahead in his life. Turns out theyve been hiding that they were reconsidering our engagement or even wanting me for months- but held it all in until I had met everyone they loves.
this triggers my abandonment issues- I never use to have this issue- I’ve come to realise it was a thing post covid lockdown - due to isolation, rejection from others, being put down and being kicked out essentially by people I thought I trusted.
it’s been a couple months and I hoped he would come back to me. I’m getting more and more of a sinking feeling he won’t. even though I know my worth and he won’t find anyone better than me. I still want them back
But my heart breaks whenever I have to leave them or they doesn’t respond to me. Yet we agreed we would remain best friends. It doesn’t look like this separation even bothers them, yes they’ve been thinking about it for a long time so I guess they’ve done the processing.
I shouldn’t tie my worth and happiness to one human. But I don’t think I could ever love, or trust, or be willing to be this raw and open to anyone else.
i cry every night. I feel abandoned everyday not by them but by the world. The last few years have been tough and I no longer trust.
no, cutting them out is not an option.
im at a loss. this is not how I pictured my life to go. Everything was so perfect, more than perfect right up till the split. And now we are here.
