Vent (Let it out)

[Hoeneka]

I vent all the time so I thought why not create a forum for me and others to vent. Heres mine today.

My masked depression.

I sometimes wonder, would I be better off without emotions? I get so sad and angry and I hurt, alot.
I don't see much use for my emotions really, I may aswell just have sadness because that seems to be the only thing I can feel.
Sadness and anger, they can't really be controlled, can they? I try to supress my sadness but it flows out of me, I'm sure anybody can tell I'm sad.
But, its not just sadness, I feel alot of different things, sometimes I think, maybe despair, the whole world if it took over, everyone would feel like me.
But how do I describe my feelings, I mean to be fair I'm not even sure why I'm writing this, I guess I just wanted to vent.
My life really hasn't been the greatest, primary school was horrible but my parents just put it down to "kids being kids" It kinda hurts, having your experiences doubted by parents who weren't even there to experinece it all.
I don't really get an "escape" I'm stuck with this, this depression, sometimes I feel like I've made my depression into a whole new emotion, something different from what other people experience.
I have alot of really low points, I'll just cry and cry, sometimes I'll put on a happy face but thats just a mask.
A histerical mask, my depression, it feels like its driving me insane sometimes, I feel so numb but at the same time I'm feeling almost everything.
I want to be taken away to a different world, where she cares, the girl I've tried so hard for, I just, I want to feel, I want feeling so badly.
But at the same time, I never want to feel another thing, because its so goddamn painful, I mean I'm in constant pain, whether It be mental or physical, I mean sure people are nice to me but it just, I can't fully appreciate it.
I feel like a broken record writing this, I feel as if every line is just repeating the same thing, with no difference, but depression isn't even the only thing weighing me down.
She really thought I was getting better, because I was starting to look after myself a little more, but I guess I was just unintentionally masking it, can you even do that, put a mask on without even realizing it?
I guess stress is also a big factor in all of this, highschool, oh boy, I mean sure in thr long run it sounds fun but it makes me feel even worse, the people here are much smarter than me. Theres alot more but character limit got me by 1600 words.

[white knight]

Hi welcome,

You suggest sadness and anger can't be cured...but indeed it can

Dysthymia is a low mood depression usually suffered in short periods regularly. Start a diary if your mood to dee if there is a pattern. That will be handy for a doctor one day.

My cycle was about 10 days feeling sad, very emotional every 7 weeks.

I'm 60yo. At 53yo I was finally diagnosed with bipolar 2, dysthymia and depression. I was given medication and for the first time in my life I felt normal.

Have some faith that if you feel you can't be assisted through life, through your down times...you can.

Tony WK

[Kathryne]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue,

Tony has a wonderful idea commence a diary and see what the patterns are to your mood swings.

And yes High school, its meant to be the best time of your life. However , with all the stressors in today's society to obtain employment after school can make it unbearable.

Have you spoken with your gp? Maybe you could start that diary then visit gP armed with the results. Maybe have some bloods done to see if a chemical imbalance is in play.

One little step at time chisel away at those feelings.

Kathryne

[Doolhof]

Hi Hoeneka,

Welcome to the community here at Beyond Blue. Earlier today I was thinking of starting up a thread just for Venting.

My post original post could be very similar to yours regarding feelings, emotions, the confusion and pain they can cause. Many people using this forum can well relate to all you have written.

It is great to vent, it can be very releasing. I find if I write stuff down, then I better understand what is going on with my thoughts and feelings.

I'd like to suggest you check out some of the information and the resources that are available here.

There are many different ways of looking at how you are feeling. You can think

-I am never going to get past this

-I can explore my emotions, thoughts and feelings and try to understand why I feel this way

-I can acknowledge I am sad and angry and find ways to overcome these feelings

-I can have a chat to a Dr or a counsellor and ask for help to understand what I am experiencing.

Hope some of this helps. Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[AJ2014]

I need a vent. My vent is on the phrase "I wish they would have said something" ... to which my response is "I wish they would have listened".

Why is all the advertising etc. always focused on the talking and not on the listening? it makes me really angry when people say that or i hear it because from my point of view people don't really care. They are not really listening and the phrase is only said to get people off the hook. Give them out so they don't have to look at themselves and realise that they were part of the problem. Does anyone else feel like that?

[Doolhof]

Hi AJ,

Do you have specific occasions and times in your life where you feel that people do not or have not listened to you?

Is that why this issue upsets you so much?

Some people do seem to have listening issues. They don't seem at all interested in hearing what the other person has to say.

Being a good listener and being able to reflect back what people have said can be very beneficial to make sure you understand what has been said.

One day I knew my husband was not listening to me at all, so I told him there was an elephant in the bathtub. He told me that was good and walked out the room.

Maybe I should have said I was going on a holiday!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Kaefacex0]

I just came to vent because today has been so overwhelming, helping people and going unappreciated is starting to get to me. A bit of a back story ~

I’ve always been one to help others, always offering support when someone needs it. Whether it’s at my workplace or at home, with friends and extended family. I do it because I want people to feel good and be able to go throughout their days without worry.

but with this recent chaos and people carrying on about our current situation, I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed - people’s lack of sense, racial slurs and just disrespect for others.. today I went shopping and witnessed an elderly man get shoved around the toilet paper aisle, not being able to get the product he asks the staff for assistance.. who also didn’t help. Today of all days, I took a step back and just watched everything unfold. This elderly man begging for toilet paper, the staff not showing any empathy nor giving him a resolution to his problem.. Just no care in the world as this chaos erupts around them.

I come home and begin to think “If I had done something would that have prevented everything” ~ yeah probably but I’m exhausted mentally that I just don’t want to be the fixer anymore. I just don’t want to care.

so I’m home, I cook dinner for my mother.. I tell her, “Dinner is almost ready” - I already feel like a slave, I take care of her and work 6 days a week, mostly 12 hours.. today’s my day off, I’m looking forward to a roast dinner.

She takes a phone call, she’s invited 3 of her friends over for a cup of tea. Ofcourse it’s rude to serve dinner while they’re there, I’ve cooked just enough for the two of us and some for my lunch tomorrow. I hold off on serving.. hoping they’re here for a short visit.

3 hours later, dinner is ruined. My mother has asked me to “serve dinner” because she’s hungry, I said no, I’ll wait until they leave because I know it’s going to be ruined and I was already highly emotional.

They leave, the roast veg is dry and inedible. The mixed steamed veg turned to mush. The meat was just dry. Everything has gone in the bin.

Not a thank you for cooking, not a sorry for allowing them to come by, but I get yelled at instead..

I’m just that drained at the moment, I haven’t eaten all day and I can’t even be bothered now.

I feel so unappreciated all the time, I don’t want to stop helping people but I’ve just had enough.

I don’t expect a response, I just needed to get this off my chest...