33 year old male deeply depressed

[Hutch86]

Hi

I have been struggling with depression and a anxiety my whole life.

I have a good job, a degree, 2 kids, a wife and a house etc but I am never happy and I have a constant sense of impending doom.

I am basically an alcoholic, drug addict, and can not control my impulses on pretty much anything.

I have gone into a downward spiral over the past 6 months and really hit the alcohol hard. I have recently gotten into trouble with the police over a drunken assault and my wife is at her wits end with me. I am basically her third child.

I have really had a hard time transitioning from a partying 20 something into life as a Dad in my early 30’s. I am depressed all the time and have withdrawn from my friendship group as I am always anxious and don’t answer or return phone calls. I feel like I am just in a massive rut. I should be happy but I just can’t shake this depression and anxiety.

I also have massive problems with anger. I have never assaulted my wife but I flip out over anything minor and break things etc like a child.

My biggest challenge at this point is getting off alcohol. I have been going out drinking on my own to strip clubs and spending ridiculous sums of money which puts a massive strain on my marriage. Comes back to the impulse control I guess.

If anyone has any decent tips on how to get off alcohol I am all ears. I suffer from ADHD and everything seems very difficult at the moment. I am a liability to my family and I know they are ashamed of me at the moment as I am also ashamed of myself and my lack of self control.

I really hope I can get through this tough period and be a real man, Dad and Husband - it just seems like a monumental challenge..

[Knighty690]

Hey mate.

As bad as it sounds I know exactly how you feel. I also have had depression & anxiety for years. Im 34 with a wife, 2 x kids, 2 x house's & a business & a great job. I also have ADHD.
I have been into the alcohol to pretty regularly everyday. This website can be beneficial in some ways and not so much in others depending on what you read about from other people.

The only way I can clear my head is get away for a weekend with some close mates. Go camping, fishing, 4wdriving and tell them whats going on. If they are true friends they will understand and do anything to help you. Yes you can have a few drinks but where theres no family, no plans, no responsibilities & sometimes no reception (which can be great) you can clear your head and breathe for once.
If you can do that every couple of months you will always have something to look forward too and plan something different everytime.

Best of luck.

[Hutch86]

Hey mate thanks for the reply. Some good advice.

[blondguy]

hey Hutch86

welcome to the forums and good on you for speaking from the heart....that takes strength...good1

I echo what Knighty690 has to say about mateship as it can be helpful in certain circumstances...I understand you as anger is usually a sign of a 'tired mind'..I used to have chronic anxiety followed by depression for 30+ years and it can be a dark place to be in for sure Hutch.. I get it

You will get through this tough time...it may take some determination and patience...The feeling of impending doom is more common than you think...You asked for some 'decent tips' about getting off the alcohol...that can be hard to do yet I hope the copy & paste link below is helpful to you...Its a huge thread topic...

www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/long-term-support-over-the-journey/battling-the-booze

You are real man Hutch....seriously! To reach out as well as you have is a huge move towards recovery from this massive rut you are in....There is always a way out..even know we cant see it

we are here and listening

Paul

[Hutch86]

Thank you so much Paul for the advice and perspective.

[blondguy]

Hi Hutch

no worries at all! It took me 2 months to post my own thread topic in 2016....I didnt have your strength..

there are many gentle people on the forums that can be here for you.The forums are non judgemental and safe

I really hope you can stick around the forums...(only if and when its convenient for you)

you are not alone Hutch...your well being and privacy are paramount to us

my best...Paul

[Gambit87]

Hi Hutch,

Boy - do I know those 'I feel like I am just in a massive rut' feels

While I cant really offer any advice on getting off the alcohol - I've pretty much stopped drinking (I have the occasional beer) because my liver acts up. Its hard to give up but after a few weeks you feel so much better.

I can offer some advice on anxiety/depression - since my highschool years (im 32) I've felt a loneliness, sadness emptiness I could never describe (despite having an amazing partner, amazing family and friends). As I could never describe it, I never talked about it, just repressed it and putting it down as 'just another bad day' and moved on. I always wore the 'happy mask' I was afraid to talk because I didn't think people wanted to know about my problems.

Anyhoo - all those years bit me hard the day before new years eve 2019. In a way im kinda glad it did because it made me admit I had a problem and I needed to seek help. What I didn't expect was the love and support I received when I talked to my family and friends about it! I'm no longer afraid to reach out and tale when im not feeling the best. I've started seeing a psychologist who has been a huge help and I feel like there hope for the future.

Talk to your wife and lay it all out

Take to your mates! you'd be surprised.

Talk your GP and get a mental heathcare plan and a referral to a psychologist.

baby steps! start slow make small goals.

You are not alone mate.

[Hutch86]

Hi Gambit,

Thanks for your advice and insight. I really appreciate it.

[Hutch86]

I am just so depressed it’s crazy..

I went to see my GP back in October last year and just started crying in his office. It was one of the most embarrassing things in my life. Having to walk back out of the doctors office and pay the bill still sobbing infront of the whole surgery.

I hadn’t cried since I was a kid and it really rattled me.

I was put on anti depressants and the dose has been increased progressively to quite a high dose. Have good days and bad days but the bad outweigh the good days. I think these anti depressants aren’t the right type for me.

As per my previous post I take drugs / (nothing hard or chemical). I have been smoking since I was about 15 and it has gotten to the point where I feel like a looser who can’t stop the need to be faded every night and all day on the weekends. Weather it’s by alcohol or smoking. It was ok in my 20s but it feels sad these days.

After my last drunken weekend, blowing over $1,000 in a night from my wife and my joint bank account at the strip club my wife has gone to stay at her parents with the kids. I can tell she is getting ready to leave.

I am so low and have no one I care to share it with out of my family or friendship group (small friendship circle and don’t want rumours spreading that will further hurt my wife). I can see my psychiatrist later this week so I’m not completely alone with this I guess. But it’s a struggle to keep up a facade as a working professional every day. Depression is hard as it dumbs you down and changes the level at which you function. It’s not sustainable for too long.

I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and vent a bit I suppose. I have a court case coming up in a few weeks for a drunken assault from a bar fight which is stressing me out.

I have never had problems sleeping in my life (I am a bit on the lazy side at times and love my sleep). Lately I have been waking up at random time’s and night and staying awake for like 2 hours at a time before going back to sleep. It’s also random as I wake up really early and want to get out of bed which I have never done so easily. I work as a construction manager and have been doing this in some capacity since I was 21 - it is a cruel mistress and an unforgiving industry - everything these days is just disputes and unreasonable expectations / needy team members..

I’m not really looking for answers I just need to vent and I think this is helping me feel a bit better.

[SteveB1978]

Hey Hutchy,

This is my first post and haven’t even had the guts to post my own story yet.
However, I felt a connection with your story and have been/going through everything you are experiencing. Just wanted to write and let you know I understand what you are going through and it’s bloody hard.. take care mate