Trapped in unhappy relationship

[MelodyWasHer2ndName]

I can't leave and I'm miserable. Can't afford to pay off mortgage and partner says he can't live alone so he won't agree to sell. I regret every decision I have ever made. I just got together with the first boy who ever paid me attention. I hate myself with every fibre of my being.  No one loves me not even my parents. I can't go on anymore

[Sophie_M]

Dear MelodyWasHer2ndName
 
Welcome back to the Beyond Blue forums, we are glad you had the bravery to post.  We want to let you know that we are reaching out to you privately also to offer you some additional support this evening.
 
We can hear just how trapped and powerless you are feeling at the moment, it can be hard to think of a future when you cannot see a way out of your current situation.  We have included some links below for you to obtain as much information as you possible can around what options you have, this knowledge will be your power in moving forward from here; they are all free to access, just click on the links below:

• Beyond Blue Relationships
• Relationships Australia
• Financial Counselling Australia
• Family Relationship Advice Line

In addition to speaking with trusted friends and family members, including your GP about how you are feeling, we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support.  Our counsellors are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat. 

As we mentioned, we can hear these thoughts and feelings are intense for you so please know that our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Thank you again for reaching out, we will leave you in the hands of our lovely community members who will be here on your thread soon. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M
 

[therising]

Hi MelodyWasHer2ndName

My heart goes out to you as you so strongly sense the intense and depressing feelings of being trapped and regretful. I don't think a lot of people can relate to how heartbreaking these feelings can be (at depressing levels) unless they've been there themself.  

Not sure whether you feel the same but I can feel when people are living to serve themself rather than serving the relationship they share with me. If they were to serve the relationship, I'd be feeling the service. While being a serious 'feeler', I can feel a lack of service from others, a lack of devotion, a lack of evolution and a lack of so much more. While also being part analyst, it's taken me years to analyse and make sense of 'the love factor', what it is and what it means to me.

Some of the most mind altering revelations I've had over the years stemmed from how I came to define 'love'. To me, love is found in evolution, in the word itself and in the process. When people lead me to evolve beyond what is depressing, I feel loved. If I feel me pushing myself to evolve beyond what's depressing, I know I am loving myself even if I can't always deeply feel it. Personally, I can't leave those I love in some anxiety inducing, depressing or hopeless challenge. I can't sit back leaving people to suffer through a lack. With this in mind, I have gradually come to question others.

One major question would have to be 'Why are you not helping or leading me to evolve beyond what I suffer through?'. Lots of reasons for people's lack of input. Some of the reasons sound harsh but they're undeniably true. Some folk are downright lazy, for others they don't know how to love people to life, others fully believe it should be our job, to raise our self and 'stop complaining' (grrr), some don't feel the need to make a difference, some don't want to feel our upset and will shut us down (rather than open up constructive conversation), some are not empathic and therefor don't feel for us in regard to the way we feel. List goes on.

From my experience, to be led out of self hatred, you know you're being truly loved in the right ways. To be left alone in that, you gotta ask 'What is wrong with the people around me?'.

[geoff]

Hello MelodyWasHer2ndName, I wonder whether you are still checking your thread, I hope so because there are a couple of options you can think about.

It's not about whether he can't live alone, this is all about you and what you need to do.

He can agree to buy your share and then release you from any commitment and if he reneges then stop paying your share and advise the bank that you want to separate and have no part in paying the house, a lawyer may also be helpful to achieve this and if the house is sold that you are entitled to your share as per that date.

If you want to leave then he has to make that decision, buy you out or sell the property, it has nothing to do about him not wanting to be alone, because he is only thinking of himself, which relates exactly to what you have said.

This is all about what you want to do because at the moment it's certainly not helping you move on and that's move important.

Geoff.

Life Member. 

[NDR]

Hello,

Just saw your post on here & sincerely hope you're ok.

Don't let what's happened in the past define what lies ahead, sometimes your greatest setbacks can provide great opportunities. 

Here if you ever need to chat. 👍

N.