I am 23 year old male, almost 24. Since about 13 or 14, I feel I have
been depressed. Anxious since much younger. Started using drugs and
alcohol around 14/15 and struggled with mainly cannabis addiction up
until about 6 months ago, when I finally qu...
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I am 23 year old male, almost 24. Since about 13 or 14, I feel I have
been depressed. Anxious since much younger. Started using drugs and
alcohol around 14/15 and struggled with mainly cannabis addiction up
until about 6 months ago, when I finally quit. However in the past few
years, I have also been abusing alcohol as well as prescription drugs.
Every 6 months or so I seem to relapse on them while drinking, blacking
out badly. I was sober for one year off prescription drugs, until 1
month ago when I took some while drinking and felt so ashamed. I will
add that I never used them daily. It was always just a random one off. I
have been sober off of alcohol for one month now. I am now in my mid
twenties. I have been employed basically non stop since I was 14. I have
tried so many different jobs, and quit them all, because I was miserable
at them. I went to TAFE and quit after almost 2 years because I found it
too difficult and thought I was bad at it. I went to university and
dropped out after one single semester. I am now in a job I thought HAD
to be my calling. Now I am 2 months into this job and it is sucking my
soul. I feel like such a whiny child. Everyone else seems to be able to
suck it up and just get on with the job, but I am always so miserable I
quit after a period of time. I don't enjoy my job. I have no idea what
I'm doing at work and feel like an imposter as a result. I feel so lost.
I have friends, but I don't really want to see them. This lockdown has
honestly been great for me. Absolutely no social obligations. But then I
feel like I'm weird for having absolutely no issues with being socially
isolated. My roommate is a friend, and is losing their mind. I feel
guilty for not putting in more effort to hang out with them. I browse
useless subreddits trying to improve my life. Find a passion. I
sometimes find a bit of hope and start eating healthy, cleaning my room,
trying to find a hobby (something totally not me, like knitting),
getting out of bed and being productive, exercise, cooking, responding
to friends, not watching porn or drinking, but I ALWAYS go back to my
old ways. ALWAYS. Seen a psychologist since 16, recently started seeing
a psychiatrist. Tried an atypical antidepressant which did nothing. Too
scared to try traditional anti depressants as I already struggle with
erections... Pls help