I'm a Hard-working Failure

[Mayweather11]

Looking for guidance, my mind is in a dark place atm. I'm a hard-worker who has spent over 10 years trying to make something of myself. I have 2 advance degrees in science but have struggled to get/maintain work in my field (mainly due to politics & unstable economy). I have a patchwork quilt of experience in any job that would have me despite my education and internships - all this work in my field and no pay off just deadend jobs and minimum wage.

I tried to run a small side-hustle, that too has been a failure - moreso that I hoped it would help me find new purpose, an interest, a way out of my mind slump. It has proven to have made me worse. I'm financially worse off for it and I have decided to close it down...I hate giving up. I worked hard got dirty trying to make this work and like everything I touch it turns to ash and I am left worse.

I dedicated my early 20s to my future career, I did not party or enjoy myself. I have no friends and my only social outlet is my family and my wonderful partner.

My mental health is so declined that I'm scared of myself daily now. My last job was retail and due to increasingly impossible standards and abuse I had to leave. I left with no job before me and failing business that cannot support me. I gave up so much, I thought I was doing the right thing to never be here. I saw my parents struggle my whole life and swore never to get that low. But everything I do fails and I no longer know what to do.

Now I'm forcing myself to return to study to become something I have no like or interest in but I have no choice...I worked so hard...I did everything right...I sacrificed so much and I have nothing to show for it.

Lately I have been in a dark place worse than ever - I need help to convince myself to keep battling despite having no goals...no dreams. How do I keep going forward if my whole working life has been a waste? I'm burnt out with no purpose and nothing to give to my family for their unwavering support. Just disappointment and failure. How do I tell myself to keep living when my life is nothing to me but pain?

Thank you for reading if you do.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mayweather11,

Thanks for posting this, it sounds like your coping with some really difficult feelings, and you've taken a big step in sharing here. I'm sure we'll hear from the lovely community members soon, many of whom will be able to relate to what you’re going through right now.

It sounds like you feel a lot of pressure to succeed, and that can really put you in a difficult position. We'd recommend having a look into challenging the really self-critical thoughts, which this article on the Beyond Blue site talks about: When your inner critic is giving you a hard time.

It sounds like it might be worth reaching out to our support line to talk this through? You can get through to them on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat 11am-12am AEDT each day: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support

Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else. Do keep sharing, if you feel comfortable to do so.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Mayweather11,

Wellcome to our forums! I’m sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand it would be hard to study for something and then not find the right job for all the study you did…

Maybe this road wasn’t for you? Maybe there’s a bigger better job out there for you.. maybe one that you find passion in doing? A job you do even if it’s voluntary work can really fill your heart if it’s your passion and some times we can come to this job in the most unlikely way……

Are you passionate in anything in particular?

Why would you go back to study if your not interested in what you are studying?

There are plenty of jobs available that don’t require study and pay well.