Trapped in a well

[AdelT]

Hi please call me Adel,

Mental illness has had its grip on me form many many yeas and has recently taken a dark turn. I am off work a the moment and don't know if I will ever return, I am waiting for a psych evaluation to see if I have bipolar disorder (at my request). I have been on and off anti-depressants since my early 20's, I am now 34. 

 I feel so lost and struggle with whats real and whats been a dream,  a lot of the time now I just want to sleep as its the only time i feel free, when im awake i feel nothing but pain in my head and inside. I feel so alone right now. 

Adel

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[Neil_1]

Hi there Adel

I would really like to welcome you to Beyond Blue and to also thank you for coming here and providing your post.

I hope you don’t mind, but I may fire off a few questions in my post to you – just so we can be a little bit better informed of things.

Ok, so you’re off work at the moment – does that mean, you still have a job but are just taking some time off or are you completely out of work?   If it’s the first, then the sooner you’re able to get back, the better – for so many reasons, but occupation of the mind is one, financially is another.

How much longer till you have your psych evaluation?

And you say ‘on and off’ medications for a fair while – so at present, are you on anti-depressants?

Feeling alone now – is that meaning that you’re not close at the moment to having any family or friends who are close by to you?  If it’s at all possible to find or have just one friend or relative who you could open up to, then that can be massively beneficial to you.  Of course, this may not always be possible, but it never hurts to ask questions.

Would love to hear back from you on this.

Kind regards

Neil

[AdelT]

Hi Neil,

I have had my evaluation and have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, finally something that fits with everything I have been going though for the last 20 years, I always knew there was something more than just depression or anxiety. 

I am currently off work on unpaid sick leave and am deciding whether or not to resign as the environment at work is unhealthy for my illness and I am extremely fearful fo going back. I don't know what to do at the moment, I need to bring in somesort of income and time is running out for me to be well enough. 

AdelT

[Neil_1]

Hi there Adel

Thanx for your latest response.

I had a very similar situation that involved my former work place being very detrimental to my health, but my time away was up and I had to go back – which I did, and the situation was still the same.  However I was able to talk with different people in the organisation to try to arrange a transfer, which in time did happen, I did have to wait for a while, but it did happen.

I’m not sure if you work in a place where you may be able to seek out some people to help you out with this.

Kind regards

Neil