Too tired to try fighting it

[Jude7]

Let me start by saying i've had depression since I was about 12, it started with bullying and turned into something very different over the past 6 years. In that time I've been on antidepressants but stopped taking them after a year as i felt "normal" again. There have been darker times and easier times but all the while I have put in effort to see someone, go for a walk, take my mind off things.. etc. In the past year I have gained 20kg. I eat a lot of unhealthy foods and will often decide to take "me days" in which i will stay inside my room and eat junk. I have trouble controlling my appetite and despite not being happy with my appearance, have stayed fairly positive as far as my body image goes..(to an extent). In the past 5 months however its gotten worse. Every day has become a "me-day".. I've lost my friends, confidence, and my boyfriend of 2 years is no longer attracted to me. Although he stays, he wants to see me fight my depression like i always have. But I can't. I'm exhausted of trying to fight to get better. Until coming on this website I refused to speak to anyone including him and my family about how I feel. I can't fight the same problems anymore. I'm already overweight and i have no motivation to get up and try to put my life together. So i sit inside my room and complain that I'm "too exhausted" when in reality i do nothing with my life. This has been a hard couple of months. I want to make things better. But i need help getting my drive back. Where do i start?

[Neil_1]

Hi Jude

Welcome to Beyond Blue;  although, did I not welcome you on another thread somewhere else within here just recently?

My first port of call for you after reading your post would be to get off and see a GP.  But not just any GP - one who specialises in mental health issues - and on this site, Beyond Blue have a list of those kinds of GP's.  Do a search and hopefully you'll find one or more in your area.  From there, they'll be best placed to possibly provide you with medication;  and an appropriate referral for further support (counselling).

I hope you can do this, as it's super important to be able to talk about this with a professional.  It's great that you've come here also and please please, this is an anonymous site, so please feel free to come and post, unload, vent, whatever;  there's a lot of people here who'll be willing to jump to your support.

You sound like you have a good handle on things;  knowing right from wrong with regard to diet, and eating etc - and I believe it may not take too much to tweak a few things for you to get you back on track here.  I used to be a personal trainer;  back in the day, so I'm more than happy to try to advise on eating and exercise if you're wanting to go down that path.

But everything starts with the first step;   of which you've already taken;  by coming here - the 2nd step is what you need to produce now.  I believe you can do it.

Would love to hear back from you soon.

Neil

[HelenM]

Hi Jude,

 Neil's given you lots of good advice. And as he says it start with a single step. I don't suppose it'll be easy - fighting depression isn't. What I've found after many years of fighting is that little by little you get there. A gp will or Neil has offered with regard to diet etc.

Take care, Helen