How do I break the chain?

[Jersey_Girl]

I haven't always been like this. I used to be so active and enjoyed life. These days I struggle to get out of bed and when I finally do I feel like a brick is holding me down. I push myself to have a shower and then push myself to do things. I often find myself sitting on the couch wasting the day away. I lack so much confidence and stress about the smallest task. If I could I would spend all day in bed.

I have been reading lots of posts on here trying to get some strategies in place but I am so unmotivated. I guess I am hoping that some of you might have some ideas. I used to work full time but over dd it and had a break down. I now have a few hours of part time work with my sister. I have to push myself to get to work and stress about the smallest things. I have put on a lot of weight which is depressing in itself but lack the motivation to do anything about it. I do see a psychiatrist but I am thinking that maybe I need to see a psychologist for some counseling.

I am hoping that I can start a thread that will enable me to tell my story. Looking forward to hearing from others and hearing how they break the chain. Some days I just don't want to push myself anymore but I know that I can't live like this forever. I want my old self back. The one that was willing to give anything a try and enjoyed life.

I

[white knight]

Hi JG, welcome here to Beyond Blue forums.

Yes, you can add your story here on a thread designed for that purpose. An introduction thread.

You seem to be doing everything right, read threads here, under a psychiatrist etc. Motivation? could be the meds you are on. As one doctor said to me "they all make you tired".

Depression is all about management not cure so your "old self" may not return as you knew her. It's not all bad though, just changes.

Some of us have overloaded our lives in this fast lane of life so much so we have to unwind for quite some time before we can enjoy life again. Give yourself that time, dont feel bad about lack of motivation, try baby steps of progress instead of waking up in the morning hoping you can save the world only to let yourself down as not achieving what you planned.

Glad you posted. take care.

[Little_Rascal]

Hey jersey girl.  

Yup like white Knight said it's about management not cure.  I was recently looking to "snap out" of this low but it didn't happen, I kept going in the hopes I could fake it till I made it . Didn't work.  I've made some huge efforts to get help so next time I start to feel like this I can help myself before I sink too deep.  I didn't think I was making any progress at all.. but the last few days ive noticed it's not hurting to smile anymore, I'm not feeling so guilty and seeing people isn't such a huge issue.

Please keep in mind it's the work we do when we are well that helps us when we are sick 🙂 

[Jersey_Girl]

Thankyou White Knight and Little Rascal for replying to my post. As much as I would love for there to be a cure I understand that management is what I need strategies in. What do you do to motivate yourselves? I always have great intentions in the evening when things don't seem so bad but when tomorrow comes I find myself struggling again.  Maybe it has something to do with my medication, maybe it's depression but I just don't seem to be able to get my act together. Could it be that I just let myself heal slowly, baby steps.

Over the past 18 months I have resigned from a career in teaching that I worked very hard at. I am a sole parent who while bringing up two teenagers on my own worked full time in a position that was excessively overloaded to breaking point. Although I did recover and changed schools the stigma of work cover and mental illness bullied me out of school to breaking point again.

[Jersey_Girl]

Thankyou both for replying to my post. I have just spent the past hour or so replying to you both but it has disappeared into cyber space. It's bed time now so if my original..half finished post doesn't turn up I will reply to you both tomorrow.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply and take care

[geoff]

dear Jersey Girl, thanks for deciding to post your concerns on the site, because now it will open the door for not only you to continue, but also others to reply.

By having any type of depression can absolutely change our lives, and even when we come out the other end of the tunnel, it's no different, we change what we do and what we want, because it's never the same, it can't be, because this is what caused our depression, or stopped us from getting better.

I will wait until your post appears, but please remember that this is where so many people have also struggled with depression, so we really welcome on board.

I do hope that you get back to us. L Geoff. x

[Mares73]

Dear Jersey Girl thank you for sharing your experience.  I can relate to a lot of what you've described. I too used to be a social butterfly, held down a good job & never would of imagined where I ended up. I now don't work, have lost most friends and spend most days isolated & lonely at home. Like you I struggled big time with motivation-even having a shower became a chore & I could of easily spent each day at home in my pj's. I'm now fighting this. I find writing a little routine to follow each day to be a great help. I wakeup & just follow my routine, forcing myself at times. The other thing is have you been on the same antidepressants a long time? I ask because sometimes they can stop being as effective & perhaps you can discuss this with your psych. I hope you can stay with us & let me know how your managing. Lve Mares xx

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Jersey Girl,

Thank you for your post. Like our fellow members I am keen to provide support if I can. Your behaviour is familiar to me and some days I think that if it wasn't for the kids I would never do anything!

Keen posting.

Kind regards, John.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Mary,

I was worried you had stopped posting as I follow your thread on the abuse you suffered at the hands of the church. How have you been?

John. 

[Jersey_Girl]

Thankyou everyone for your replies. It is encouraging when you recieve responses and although it might not be what I want to hear it always makes It easier if you know others are in the same boat. Mares it seems we have similar situations, maybe we can help each other to overcome where our lives are at. John my kids are now grown up so I don't have that push anymore. Today I have decided that I am just going to do not much at all and not feel guilty about it. Geoff, I hope that I can stay connected with others like you that understand what we are going through and where we can feel that we are not being judged. Where we understand that you can't just snap out of it.

 My half finished post did appear so I will continue my activities from the past 18 months. In that time I have resigned from my career, one that I worked very hard to get and was bullied out of., I have sold my home and rebought to cope with my financial situation. 12 months ago I couldn't see how I would ever survive financially. I honestly don't know how I coped with the move but I got there and financially I am surviving. And yes Mary I used to be quite the social butterfly involved in my Salsa dancing and Dragon boating. Now I have to push myself just to have some contact with my friends. Everything is such an effort. But...I do feel better when I make the effort. Yesterday I caught up with my Salsa friends and felt much better. I just want someone to say that one day I won't need to push myself and that one day soon my life won't be such a struggle.  

Thankyou all again and keep posting, I am always keen to know what others do to keep motivated (Mares I will try to get a routine together but first need the motivation to do it!)