Hi Janan
I feel for you so deeply, with your words sounding so heartbreaking. I don't think a lot of medical people can truly feel how soul destroying such a debilitating lack of energy can become unless they've felt that for themselves. And unless people in the field of psychology or psychiatry can personally relate to how mental exhaustion can impact people in so many different ways, it can be hard for them to truly understand the full impact. As such people treat medical and psychological conditions, we can be left wishing someone would just treat what feels so soul destroying.
With 2012 heralding such an incredibly challenging number of years to follow, I can relate to the vast difference between a long term depression vs periods in depression. As a 56yo gal, I spent my late teens through to the age of 35 in long term depression and the following years facing depressing periods which there have always good reasons for. If there's one key thing I've learned over the years when it comes to a depression, we don't experience it for no good reason. I don't think some experts wonder anywhere near as much as they should when it comes to the enormous variety of reasons. We may simply be led to believe 'I'm someone who's prone to depression'. While there can be physical triggers such as thyroid, B12, iron, dopamine deficiency or sleep apnea or the depressing side effects of certain meds and other physically related factors, there can be all the mental factors too. Depressing memories, depressing inner dialogue, depressing belief systems about ourself that we can't shake can be just a few of many triggers. With such a huge amount of potential catalysts, to be told 'You're most likely someone who's prone to depression' or 'You have depression' is what I'd call incredibly poor detective work. You need someone who's going to shed light in the darkness you're experiencing and someone who's going to lead the way while you're feeling so lost. What we don't want to hear is 'You have depression', what we want to hear is 'You're in a depression and I'll tell you exactly how you entered into it and how you're going to come out of it'.
I'm wondering whether anyone's been able to shed light for you in a way that feels brilliant, even if that involves just a little bit of brilliance. From my own experience, we'll know brilliant when we feel it. It'll be the feeling that comes with exactly what we need. While it took more than a decade and a half to finally feel exactly the thing I needed to take me out of long term depression, it took only months for a GP to finally pinpoint a seriously depressing B12 deficiency. The B12 shots well and truly lit me up, filling me with energy again. Every single depression I've experienced in my life ended with exactly what I needed, no exception. Janan, there's always a reason for us remaining in the darkness and it's typically because no one has brought what's truly depressing to light. I feel for you so deeply with you having faced such challenges long term. Short term, we get a break with which to make sense of things. Long term becomes exhausting, to say the least, with no break. You deserve a break.❤️
