think it just hit me!

[bbqsauce]

I was wondering if I had depression, I didn't think I had because I thought people with depression stayed in bed all day and couldn't function, but I go to work etc and don't feel bad every single day. I suppose I have had weeks of feeling down for the past few years I just thought maybe I had extreme moods only when I am in these moods I feel like nothing in life is positive, theres nothing to look forward to, I feel like ive been hit with a ton of bricks and nothing can cheer me up. I wondered if anyone else feels like this? Anyway I made an appointment for this afternoon with the dr and an appointment with a psychologist next week, as this week I feel terrible I snapped at my son this morning for something small, then I got upset that I over reacted and then I went to work and felt like I couldn't breathe or calm down for over an hour, and then someone said something to me and I burst into tears, I'm so negative and I haven't always been like this, I cant put a finger on what exactly is bothering me. Any advice would be great

[SubduedBlues]

Believe it or not, bbqsauce, you've just taken a very important step towards finding the path back to your own state of  normalcy; you've reached out for help. For that, I congratulate you and welcome you to the BB forums. I am certain that if you take the time to read, listen, reflect and change a little bit each day that you will eventually start to find your way back. I know I did.

I ain't no doctor, so I cannot say for certain that you do have clinical depression, but it sure does seem like you have a case of the blues. It's good that you have already made appt's with your doc and psych, I'm sure they'll help. My advice is to set out a plan of what you want to accomplish for each session, and try to keep on topic. For me, that helps me ensure that each time I go I have a productive session and not waste an hour jumping around from unrelated memory to unrelated memory. (though that does happen some times)

Keep in touch with us, and I'm certain that you'll find lots of help here.

D'

[bbqsauce]

Thankyou, I am glad I made the appointments. And started to tell people that I am not ok, I was hiding it before. My partner though doesn't understand that I am miserable for no reason he thinks he has done something wrong and then we argue and I cry get worse blah blah, he said I will go to a psychologist and they will twist my mind, If I end up on medication it will make me worse, that everyone has issues and I need to get over it, also I need to relax, I wish I could just relax, and be happy but I cant snap out of it, its not as easy as he thinks. I'm glad I found this site, I don't feel as alone was starting to think I was going crazy, thanks for your reply 🙂

[white knight]

Hi BBQ,

Miserable? This rings a bell. I've written around 250 poems and many are sad. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2, anxiety , depression and ?? Dysthymia.  Google it and read the wiki thread. Longer lasting, mood disorder etc.

So there are other depressive disorders that could be your answer.

For me it was a revelation. Most of my life I'd been sad, extremely emotional etc. This part of the diagnosis led to mood stabilisers and low AD's for the depression. It was the answer for me.  My stability has improved. Where once I'd be down for 10-12 days at a time, often coming around every 2 months or so, now I'm down for a couple of hours every 2 months.

Like D'jected mentioned- good to see you on BB forum.

Good luck

[White_Rose]

Hello BBQSauce

Welcome to Beyond Blue. Glad you found your way here and that you will stay for as long as it is helpful.

The thoughts and feelings you describe sound very like depression so it's good that you are going to see the doctor.

Your partner sounds like my ex. All medications are bad for you because you can get well on your own. I wish!  I wonder if the mental health experts believe they can can control or twist our minds? They can only do what you allow them to do. And this goes for anyone who wants to control you in some way. We all have the tendency to want control over our own lives and by implication, control over others in order to keep our own control. And of course we all try at times, from the child screaming for something, upwards. Don't be afraid of psychs.

Your partner's reaction to your distress is normal. Because he cannot see your illness (no broken bones or spots) it's hard to understand that the illness exists. Therefore he must have cause your unhappiness. In a way it's rather nice that he cares but frustrating that he lacks the insight to understand.

Look under the tabs at the top of the page. There is heaps of information about depression and some is written specifically for family and friends of those with depression. BB will send you this information free of charge and perhaps your partner can read it. It may help.

When you talk to the psych you could mention your partner's concerns. It may be useful for your partner to attend a session with you and see what happens. However you will need to discuss this with the psych.

Keep in touch. I am interested in how you your psych consultation goes.

LING

[geoff]

dear Bbqsauce, thanks so much for deciding to check this site out , as the new people who are joining us everyday is enormous, so we welcome you an board.

By having depression doesn't necessarily mean that you have to stay in bed all day, sure there are times when we want the comfort of being there under the doona, but it happens spasmodically, maybe when we are by ourselves, or it can happen in the company of others.

What you have described certainly means that you do have depression, and whether it's on full bore or it doesn't matter the smaller it is means that it will grow.

I like the warm replies from D' and LING and they are correct in what they have to say.

The psychologist certainly won't twist your mind, that goes back ages ago when people were put into white jackets, but not now times have changed a great deal, they will just let you talk and then the discussion begins, it's totally free to say what you want to say, and whether these visits extend to many that all depends on whether you and he/she connect, which is really important.

The medication that will probably be prescribed to you will start off on a low dose, and the reason for this is to see if there are any side-effects that you can't cope with, and if so then they will be changed.

It's good that the appointments have been made.

My worry here is that your husband is against this help, and remember in depression we wear a false mask for the majority of the time, pretending to be happy, so we have to convince him that this illness is a real disease and that you have it.

Click under 'resources' at the top of this page and order the 'printed material' from BB it's free but very good as it describes al about depression, not only for you but also for your husband.

He may however refuse to read it but just leave it lying around, and he will hopefully glance at it every now and then.

It's also important that you have trust in the many people here on this site, as all of us have been to hell and back several times, and some still struggling with it, but they too post back to others who also have depression. L Geoff. x

[bbqsauce]

thankyou all for your replies, I went to the doctors last night as I needed to see someone, she was good she did the k10 thingy and said it was depressive symptoms/anxiety too she said I should try the psychologist so I go there next week, she said I need to not drink alcohol which is hard because I find a wine relaxes me but I know it makes me worse. My partner was ok last night when I told him but I still think he thinks I'm over reacting but how does he know how low I feel inside? We have his parents around for dinner tonight and I'm dreading the small talk I don't have the energy for it I just want to go to bed, but I can't make him cancel as its been planned for a while and he will get upset, plus they will all be having a drink and I can't, they will probably think I am preggers haha! Thanks everyone for your nice messages it really helps I hope I can help other people too 🙂

[bbqsauce]

and as for psychologists twisting your mind I sort of want them to do that as how I am thinking at the moment isn't normal!!

[Snoman]

Hi bbqsauce,

I got an ironic chuckle out of your last post.  Only because I have felt the same.  I'm also glad you can see that your thinking isn't quite right at the moment.

How about thinking in terms of the psych "untwisting" your mind.  As LING said, "they can only do what you allow them to do".

AD's may not work for you.  Or they may work great.  Or one may not work well for you when another one does.  Often I hear of people to were on AD's and said never take them as they mess up your head worse.  I'm guessing that they should have tried another type, or waited a bit longer for them to work - it can take 6 months for them to really work.  While there are stories of people who had a bad experience, there are many people who, like me, are so very grateful they exist.

It does sound to me like your partner needs to read up on depression.  As Geoff said, get the printed material.  It will help both of you.

Sno

[bbqsauce]

so I went to the psychologist today and she wants me to go on anti-depressant medication, which is weird cos I felt ok today so I don't think I need it but I know when I am down that I really do need it........does that make sense?  I'm dreading telling my partner and I just told my mum and she said don't you think its too soon for tablets. what does everyone else think? Surely the psychologist knows from experience! I dunno!?? blah