things on my mind

[spnnnmo]

i just really need to get some things off my mind. i wanted to use the chat service but it's past 12 am. so i guess this is like an online diary where people can feel free to respond

1. i helped this girl with a scholarship type thing a while ago. the situation was that she wouldn't have been able to get it if she hadn't asked me for help bc of deadline and availability issues. this girl and i used to be semi-close, then this year we just don't talk. she doesn't talk to me normally. and it seems like she only talked to me, acted friendly and tried to be nice when she needed to get something from me. and i hate myself for just being a stupid doormat and giving in to everyone's demands. idk in the moment i'm happy to be nice and help, but later, when i'm at home and reflecting, i get so angry.

2. this other girl and i go to the gym together. it's a pre-arrangement that we go twice a week. a few days ago, she texts me 2 minutes after our session starts and says that she can't go. i brought my things especially to school in preparation, and that was my plan. it was a part of my schedule. to cancel so abruptly with no explanation left me feeling like she broke my trust, idk it might sound dramatic but i'm trying not to be too specific in case she ever reads this and realises it sounds familiar, highly unlikely though i know. i didn't have any other plans for that time period and then i had to go make some plans. it's strange because in the past, if she or i had to cancel we would do so at least the day before and like at least say why we can't go and say sorry. and i texted her asking if she had something on and she didn't reply even though im pretty sure she usually would have by now. so yeah i also feel as though i just have trust issues in general in terms of friendship

[geoff]

Hello Spnnnmo, thanks for your comment and sorry that your thread has not been answered, sometimes this happens when the site is busy, new threads get pushed over to page 2, 3 or 4.

I just want to respond so that your comment will be back on page 1 and people will able to reply back to you, please excuse me as I'm about to log off, only because I start very early in the morning.

Hope that you can get back to us, it's important you do.

Geoff.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi spnnnmo,

I think it’s good that you’re reaching out here. Sometimes writing can be cathartic so I’m glad you’re unloading some of your emotions. It sounds like you have a lot on your mind, and I sense feelings of hurt and feeling used, and perhaps even (understandably) feelings of abandonment and betrayal.

I feel it would have really stung that you helped your friend out with the scholarship application. But then suddenly didn’t hear much from her after she received it.

I understand that would have really hurt. I hope it’s okay for me to ask and I do apologise if I’m being too forward. But I wonder, have you tried reaching out to her to see what’s going on? It may or may not be the case, but there could be an alternative explanation e.g. she might have become very busy since getting the scholarship.

Personally, I’m big on punctuality and reliability in the offline realm, so I can definitely empathise with how a last minute cancellation would be upsetting. I do understand it’s particularity distressing if there’s no explanation as was the case with your second friend.

But considering you have usually meet twice each week, do you think it was just a one-off that she did this or do you think it will be an ongoing issue?

Sorry, I’m only wondering because if she has a mostly good track record of showing up then maybe something unexpected happened. I suppose what I’m saying is I feel it’s a very different situation if it’s a friend who’s consistently flakey cancels yet again, compared to a relatively reliable friend cancelling last minute...

I have friends who fall on both ends of the reliability spectrum and I tend to respond differently to both. Personally, I’m usually a lot harder on the flakey friend but I’ll just let it go with the more reliable friends. Granted, you and I are different people and I don’t expect us to have the same reactions to our friends, but I’m simply sharing my own thoughts & experiences. I hope that’s okay 😉

I hope writing was helpful for you. No rush or pressure, but if you’re feeling up to it, it would be great to hear how things are going and whether you’ve heard from your friends since your opening post 🙂

Kindness and care,

Pepper