Things keep getting worse...

unicornprincess29 · ‎31-07-2017

Hi everyone,

I've had depression and anxiety for about a year now, and the past few months I just feel like everything is getting worse and it's harder to keep fighting it.

Initially it was just that I was having problems at uni... I failed a few subjects last year and was on the verge of being kicked out, however I wasn't because they took my mental illnesses and things happening at the time into account. I am however a year behind my friends now, and I just feel like the cohort I'm in now is so unfriendly compared to mine. We were all so close last year, but my new one is just so segregated and no one seems to really have friends. I'm currently waiting for my results from last semester, and I'm really anxious about it, because if I failed again, I'm definitely getting excluded and I would have no idea what to do if that happened. I need this degree for the field I want to go in to, and it's one of those degrees where if you get excluded from one uni, you're basically guaranteed to not be accepted elsewhere either. There's nothing else I want to do with my life though except this, so I'm just really worried at the moment.

Apart from this, I spent the majority of last year having problems with my BF's family, and I've spent the majority of this year having problems with my own. And every time I feel like I'm making progress with my family, it's one step forward, three steps back. I've been lucky though that my BF has been my absolute rock. However now the problems between my family and I are affecting my relationship with him, and things are going downhill very fast, and now I'm worried that we're going to end.

I don't have many friends, and the one or two I do have, have really busy lives so I feel like I don't have many people to talk to at all. I feel really alone a lot of the time now, and as the bad things keep piling on, I just get more tired of trying to fight it. It's kind of like I feel like I make some progress, but then something else happens, and it undoes the work I put into trying to fight this, and now it's just exhausting. I haven't ever had suicidal or self harm thoughts, but I do sometimes wonder what's the point of all this pain.

demonblaster · ‎07-08-2017

Hey Princess 😄 YAY stoked to hear some good communications at last happening, at least on one side anyway, I think lack & poor communications one of our biggest probs as a race. Sounds like you're on your way at least with your fam to coming to some sort of resolve.
I feel that's right to want them to see for themselves what a good bloke he is and that he does have your interests at heart. Do they know what he's done for you? That's good proof of his love.
I do too understand they're reluctance outta love for you what are his intentions because of being on a visa, but looks like he's real aye.

I'm hoping/thinking both families love their members hence a lot of friction and shame beliefs have to interfere with genuine love.

Another plus his side are off again, YEEbah looks like things are slowly improving. At the very least less pressure as you say.

Look I contradict myself often lol, but re Uni, slap me if you want :), not too hard tho lol stubborn as but I say don't give up on anything until you've exhausted every possible avenue, they'd have all sorts of situations that arise and the fact it's absolutely solid that that's what you wanna do, sell yourself to the next uni if worst comes to worst at this one. Hey I get it if you really do wanna shake me laughing xx

unicornprincess29 · ‎09-08-2017

Agreed! I think at first maybe my family didn't realise how serious we were, and we've talked about our future plans before, but I think it just took them a bit longer to realise that this was who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with... and that if they kept rejecting him, that it would push me away too, and that's definitely not what they want.

And yes, they do know all he's done for me... the only thing I haven't told them is that he stood up for me and was on my side during the whole ordeal with his family... I didn't tell them anything about that whole situation. I feel like I eventually will, but at the moment, the last thing I wanted was my family to think he was as messed up as his family. I don't want to sound horrible, but if I had met them first, I don't think I would have ever met my BF because obviously they did raise him and it's almost unbelievable how he turned out so great with parents like that. But yes! Counting down the days until they leave... and I don't feel too bad about saying that, because I think my BF is just as excited LOL.

In regards to uni, I just wish they'd release my results already so I'd know what to do next! This has been the longest wait of my life haha. But yes I do hope that if the worst happens, eventually there will be someone who sees how much I want this.

xx

demonblaster · ‎09-08-2017

cool looking forward to hearing how it all pans out. Yeah the waiting would be so frustrating.
As you say once you know you can work from there.
You'll find a way if need be, it's what you want.

unicornprincess29 · ‎13-08-2017

UPDATE: I passed!! The relief is unbelievable. Feels like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! And everything else seems to be going well still as well! 🙂

demonblaster · ‎13-08-2017

WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!....CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! ....parteeeeeeee

Such great news, you must be sooooo happpppy

Keep that in mind, things don't always work out how we think anticipate they will.

SOOOOO happy for you.

and everything else falling into place now.....stoked for ya 😄 : D 😄 ... I'm guessing his families choofed by now too.

Goood for you (( hugs ))

White_Rose · ‎13-08-2017

Hello Princess

Many congratulations on passing this subject. Also good to know the pressure from the BF family will soon be considerably ended. I am so pleased your family have got to know the BF a bit more and is now supporting you.

I read your reply about the counsellor and yes I agree, they seem to focus on all the negatives which can be painful. I had that problem. I could talk about about anything without much encouragement but as soon as I mentioned something difficult or painful the psych was on to it in a flash. Of course this is what we are there, to understand our past to manage our present and future. Too much of this though is very hard and I wished he would talk about the more pleasant things in life if only to point out that not all was doom and gloom.

So what is your next step now you have finished at uni?

Mary

unicornprincess29 · ‎15-08-2017

Thank you demonblaster and Mary!! 🙂

I haven't finished uni yet though. Basically what happened was I'm doing a 2 year Masters degree, and so last year (my first year of the degree), I failed around half my subjects in the first semester, which meant I wasn't allowed to fail anything in the second semester or I could have potentially been kicked out. I did fail something in the second semester though. However because 2016 was the last year of that curriculum (they introduced a new degree in 2017), they gave me (and everyone else who failed anything) a chance to resit the final exams. So I actually did pass 3/4 of them, I only failed one. I did however still have to have a meeting with the academic staff to convince them that I shouldn't be kicked out. My BF was there too to back up my story, and I also had a letter from my psychologist, so I wasn't kicked out. I did have to repeat that one subject this year though, and I wasn't allowed to do it alongside the second year subjects, which is why I'm a year behind the really good group of friends I made last year. So I repeated the subject first semester this year, and now I get the second semester off to work and take a bit of a study break, before I go back to being at uni full time next year. And then I'll have my intern year the following year (I'm studying pharmacy). 🙂

As for my BF's family, they leave in a couple of days. I actually saw them yesterday. My BF thought it would be a good idea for us to say bye in a civil way, so we just went out to a dessert place. They didn't apologise or anything the whole night, they just acted like nothing ever happened. However before my BF and I went home, they did say thank you to me for coming back into their life, and that they know once they leave, their son is in good hands and that makes them happy. They did also say though that they were sorry but that we shouldn't dwell on the past because "it's nothing, it's not important", which I did find a bit condascending, because like I've said before, their attitude is that once they apologise, everything is all fine and normal again, but in reality they really hit some nerves, so I don't really agree with it all just being brushed aside... but I just wanted my BF to have a decent farewell with them and see that I made an effort to be there.

unicornprincess29 · ‎15-08-2017

Oh and just in regards to counselling, I'm not completely closed off to the idea, I think I will give it another try at some point, with someone different. I just think that at the time I was going, it wasn't giving me the kind of support I had hoped for. I don't expect miracles because obviously there's so many issues a psychologist needs to tackle sometimes, but I was really hoping for some guidance and strategies and I just wasn't getting any from her. We just went over the same life timeline for the first 5 sessions, which I understand is important, but even if she spent maybe 10 - 15 minutes a session helping me with some tips to deal with exam anxiety or low self esteem, I think that would have been beneficial, and I even told her things like that were what I wanted, but it just never happened

White_Rose · ‎15-08-2017

Hello Princess

Thank you for bringing me up to date on the happenings in your world. If I understand you correctly you are up to date with your studies as in you have now passed all the subjects in your first year. Now you are having a break until the start of next year when you will return to full time study. Sounds as though you are back on track which is great.

I think it was a good idea to have the farewell with your BF family. Whether or not they believe an apology cancels all the unkindness they gave you doesn't matter now. They have admitted as far as they could that they caused you some pain. You will not see them for a while so acknowledge to yourself that they tried and move on. It is important to understand their point of view whether you think it's sufficient or not. Sadly we cannot make others do anything so acknowledging they tried is the best thing to do. Now you can settle down again.

Did you see your psychologist via a mental health plan from your GP? Or did your GP refer you to someone? The GP mental health plan will give you up to ten subsidised psychologist sessions in a calendar year but after that you will be paying the whole fee. If you have private medical insurance extras you may be able to claim benefits but it does depend on your level of cover. In any event the rebate is much less than the Medicare rebate.

I think it may be helpful to chat to someone about the happenings of the past 18 months or so and put it all in perspective. Probably the ten sessions with a psychologist would be enough, though I am not an expert in that area. Worth checking out. Just don't return to the previous psychologist.

I noticed you said the psych did not give you any guidance or strategies. Mostly they don't do that. They want to help you uncover your trigger points and why some things really press your buttons. Telling you how to cope with them before you understand what it is you need to manage will only push past events into the background and they may well surface later. You then may need to go through the whole thing again.

For example, if you found it hard to control your temper the psych may suggest some first aid stuff such as counting to ten first. This is a stopgap measure to give you breathing space. You will still get annoyed because the background events are still there and still upsetting you. You will need to explore the background to getting angry. It's not always so cut and dried but I hope you get the picture.

Mary

demonblaster · ‎15-08-2017

Hey Princess,

Wow lot happening atm & majority on the positive side

BF's family yeah I'll give them that they did apologise, no idea yet how not to dwell on past but when people hurt it doesn't just stop but you've made some amazing ground there, they said they're happy you'll be there looking out for him ....wow ....that's mega coming from them aye. Sounds like there's a lot more ground covered than what you think hearing what you're saying darl.
tbh I wouldn't either be forgetting or forgiving but yeah moving on is the most harmonious way to go.

A break from studies would be welcome I imagine, & needed, heavy stuff esp pharmacy, good for you.

Look forward to hearing how you continue to get on darl 🙂