Suffering so much

[peacock]

I’m going through a terrible time at the moment. Depressed and sad for most of the day, crying a lot. Spoke to my psychiatrist yesterday who said to increase my meds which I have done. I guess it’s a waiting game for the higher dose to kick in. The trigger for my depression was that I finally stopped contact with my dysfunctional siblings after years of emotional torment and abuse. Glad I made that decision but sometimes the pain of what went on is overwhelming. I’ve been here before and know I’ll get better but some times it is so hard to take. I’ve been ringing Lifeline and Beyond Blue several times a day and they have been so helpful. This is so so hard to take.

[Ggrand]

Hello peacock...

I broke all contact with my eldest brother after he did some horrible things to me when I was younger..that was 41 years ago..At times the memories of the abuse that I received off him does pop up into my thoughts and still can bring me down...

About 2 years ago he contacted me to say how sorry he was..I couldn’t accept his apology because when I asked why he did those things to me..his answer was..We we’re just kids...not good enough he was 15 when he crushed my soul...Through his younger years he was so mean to me and my younger brother..very physical abusive..that I could have forgiven him for but not the other...

I get myself out of my trigger by saying..it wasn’t my fault.that these things happened to me..then I ground myself the best I can...

Try hard Dear peacock to not remember those things..when they pop into your head..Please try to ground yourself..and remember that your safe now and they cannot hurt you anymore....Do something you like to do..to bring you back to the now..music, colouring, meditation, mindfulness out side in nature..

I hope in time you will accept that the decision you made to stop all contact with them..is the right decision...You must care for your wounded soul and self the best you can...

Keep ringing lifeline or Beyond Blue as much as you feel you need to....They don’t mind you calling them..and they do help...I’ve rang them and they helped me..

Its okay to cry lovely peacock..I believe that it’s healing for our soul...It’s okay to not be okay at times as well....You have managed these feelings before and I believe that you can do it again...We are all here to help hold you up and support you the best we can....

Please talk here anytime that you you feel up to it...

We are here with our care and kindest thoughts..

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi peacock,

Letting go of people and relationships can be difficult, confusing, cause hurt and also be so very liberating and freeing at the same time.

I'm wondering if their is an element of grief and a sense of loss happening in this process. On one hand we know the benefits of cutting ties with people, on the other hand, even though they hurt us deeply, they were still people we knew.

Grandy has responded with a lovely and caring reply. I echo the words she has shared with you.

Right now you need to find ways to be kind to yourself. If possible, think back to what has helped in the past and try to implement those things into your life each day when you can.

Hope you have a little more peace in your day today. Regards from Dools

[peacock]

Thanks for your lovely post Grandy. Very kind and warm.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear peacock..

Just checking in on you..to see how your doing today..

Talk here anytime...we are all here for you if and when you need our support...

Grandy..

[peacock]

Hello. Today is really tough for me because it’s my birthday and the first birthday that I have not been in contact with my siblings since I broke off contact. Really struggling today with sadness and grief. I don’t regret my decision to sever ties but it does hurt at this time.

[Ggrand]

Hey lovely peacock...

I am deeply sorry that today is such a hard day for you...

I want to wish you a happy birthday...and give you my kindest and caring wishes for you..

Do you have something that you like doing that you could do today..to make it special for you...a special meal to cook for yourself....or maybe buy a special treat for yourself...go out or invite a few friends over to yours, or pop in to your neighbours with a couple of small cakes and have afternoon tea with them...I really would love to give you a birthday cake if I could...and celebrate your birthday with you...I have had many birthdays on my own..I know it’s hard Dear peacock and I hope in time they become easier for you..they have for me...

My kindest thoughts dear peacock and if you like them.,a warm birthday hug..because I care and if I was there in real life with you I would definitely give a hug...birthday or not..

Grandy..