Struggling

Guest_07734981

I’m 19, living at home. Just finished a year of online uni and am starting an online bachelor. Over the past year I’ve struggled with anxiety, depression and burnout.

In was a high school A student studying 12+ hours/day. I worked hard to make my parents proud, but I sacrificed friendships and a normal teenage life. After graduating I crashed. I had no idea what I wanted to do career-wise, while everyone else was motivated & certain.

Last year I had no motivation, focus or memory, & felt very isolated.There’s constant pressure and control from my parents (they even picked my courses).

I’ve always had social anxiety but it’s worse — I avoid going out alone or meeting new people (I'm very socially awkward). When I do see friends I feel better temporarily, but I don’t have many friends anymore and struggle to make new ones.

My coursemates were all older (30+) and were kind and living interesting lives (sustainable, off-grid, unique jobs etc.) that appealed to me. But I worry about financial stability, especially since my parents are very business-oriented and have a specific idea of success. I dream of travel, living in different places, and a family, but that feels very unrealistic.

My mental health worsened after Christmas after constant questions about my future, and coming back home from holiday. Now I’ve committed to a degree I’m only partly interested in, likely leading to an office job, which I worry would damage my mental health.

My mood shifts a lot. I stay in my room doing online uni, avoiding my dad (WFH) because he always criticises me. By afternoon I feel very low. I feel guilty because I should be happy (uni, live in a nice home, have spare time etc.). One day I'll work 9-5 and look back on the freedom of this time and wish I hadn't wasted it.

My parents are pressuring me to get a job (they worked PT while studying). I’ve applied for 25+ jobs with no success (stressful but also relief because of the social component). I feel like a fresh start (away from parents pressure) but can’t afford to move out. I’m overwhelmed by choosing a career, working 9–5 forever, and trying to buy a house. I’m scared I’ll always feel unmotivated, depressed and a failure.

I'm assuming I should go to GP for referral to a psychologist or medication but I’m worried about the cost (I'd be covering it myself). Are there affordable or free ongoing options? I’d really appreciate advice on getting help, managing social anxiety and burnout, and figuring out direction in life.

trying_my_best

Hi! And welcome to the forums!

I am also a uni student, and I totally get it! I was also a really hard working high school student and have family members with specific ideas of success (including specific degrees). I am now no longer friends with anyone that I was friends with in high school, which in the end worked out better for me as they weren’t who I wanted to associate myself with after I started uni. I totally get the comparison side of things in the uni sphere, I did that my first year moving to the city my uni is based in and seeing that everyone had different opportunities to me that I wanted to pursue. It didn’t help that I have family that don’t entirely agree with the career path I have decided on as it isn’t considered your traditional science. But in the end I found that what I feel is best for me is best for me!

I also remember being 19 and living at home and also feeling the desperate need to move out. I have also been in the situation of applying for jobs and feeling like it’s getting me nowhere. It’s a big and scary transition to go from high school to adulthood.

In terms of free help, they can’t give you medication but they can help you to have a release for these feelings is your universities counsellor. I have gone to my university counsellor for things such as this before and have found it immensely helpful! You can also find other platforms such as BeyondBlue that can help you, such as lifeline, ReachOut and Kids Helpline (helps youth up to 25yrs)!

i hope sharing my experiences and these options help 🫶

Psychdiaries2

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out on here and trusting this community!

I also relate to your experience as I also was a straight A student in high school and was under a lot of stress and pressure. It is really consuming and exhausting to feel that way and be constantly studying.

Your dream of travel and having a family one day is a realistic dream! You can accomplish it. Just because it’s not happening right now doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen. A few years ago I couldn’t even fathom going to uni one day because I was struggling immensely with anxiety and just didn’t believe I could do it. Fast forward to now, after a lot of working on myself and trying to get through the fear, I am going into my second year of uni! Things change and can get better with time. Believe in yourself to improve and to achieve your goals.

The job market is unfortunately really bad right now. I have 2 friends who have also been trying to get jobs but haven’t had any luck. Finding a job is hard. It took me ages to find mine (and I’m a tutor). Keep applying and hopefully something will come your way.

There are loads of free options out there for support! Like trying_my_best suggested definitely look up those organisations and try to book an appointment with a uni counsellor. You could also use BeyondBlue’s or the KidsHelpline webchat services if you prefer to talk online.

Take care of yourself today, physically, mentally and emotionally. I hope you will soon feel fulfilled at uni. Life is too short to be studying something you don’t want to do. Keep reaching out on here, you are more than welcome to. You’re not alone. All the best to you ❤️

melodica

Hello,

This sounds so heavy. What really stands out to me is that you actually already know what matters to you. Travel, living in different places, meaningful work and a family. These dreams are essential to hang onto, especially right now when you're currently blocked by exhaustion, anxiety and parents who have a very narrow view of success.

I agree with others that a counsellor would be invaluable, so you can unpack how much of your identity has become about pleasing your parents rather than figuring out who you actually are.
On the practical side, a GP can give you a Mental Health Care Plan for cheaper sessions, and headspace offers free or low-cost support for people under 25, including online options if leaving the house feels too hard.

One last thing. Your fear that you will always feel unmotivated and like a failure is the depression talking. I hope you will feel comfortable posting again if you need support.

Firefly3

I relate to you a lot and am feeling the empathy. I believe there is a good future ahead for us. It isn't normal for someone to keep suffering, at the very least. Dreaming of travel too, and it would help with the healing process! Have always preferred solitude as with the way things are, people seem to be likely to cause more stress, but I could be wrong. Breaking free might not be easy but it's possible, and that's enough to keep optimistic. All the best for us ❤️