Struggling with self hatred

[star76]

I haven't posted for a while now. I can't find my thread any more its been so long.

I'm back posting about my body image issues again. I've struggled since the age of 14 with my weight.This is when my depression first started also. I've both underweight and overweight ,currently over. I am very low in energy and my depression is bad.

I don't have the energy to write up a long history again as I have done before.I have done therapy 12 years with the same psychiatrist and many self help groups and methods for about 15 years . I'm not open to more therapy at this point.

I would just like to know other feel this way.

I'm embarrassed that these thoughts still rule me. To the point of despair. I feel ashamed. I want to hide away.

I feel hopeless and defeated.

star 76

[Guest_9809]

Hi Star76, and welcome back. I cant help you very much, other than to direct you to your previous threads from last time you were here. Some I couldnt find, but I have given you the address of one of yours from earlier this year. I cant give you the direct link, but if you google the address below, it should bring it up for you.

I thought it may help others who wish to read up on your history. And you too perhaps? Do you know how to access previous threads that you have contributed to? If not, you will see across the top of your computer screen, the following red tabs: All Posts, New Posts snd My Threads. Select the My Threads option and it will give you a list of all your previously opened threads as well as any other threads that you have responded to. Hope that helps.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/memories-of-when-it-all-began-gratitude#qmBGEHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

I expect some of the people who supported you before, will be along to offer advice and support.

Take care.

Taurus

[MsPurple]

Hi star76. Good to see you are back on the forums.

I understand how you feel. When I was 15 I was diagnosed with EDNOS (was underweight) I had lost lots of weight and went from slightly overweight to underweight. I had huge anxiety when it came to food. I was so scared of weight gain. I had to go to a psychologist and I was monitored by my GP. I got back to the healthy weight range but it took me ages to feel ok in my brain and for my anxiety to settle down.

Although I consider myself fully recovered I still have some issues. I feel like I am never fully satisfied with my body. I do sometimes compare myself to others. But then I realise how far I have come. I try not focus on my weight and my size but I am now trying to focus on my health and becoming fitter. I am trying to focus on health. I try remind myself it is ok to be a little heavier if I am happy and healthy. Some days I have bad days and the anxious weight and food thoughts come back. But I remind myself of how miserable I was then and that health is more important then a dress size. It is hard but I try my best

Overall it is ok to have some bad days. Just remind yourself that you are healthy and that a size or the number on the scales shouldn't define you. I sometimes do guided meditation (using an app called Calm, but I know other ones such as headspace and smiling minds are good) on body confidence and acceptance. It does help. The first time you may think it is not helpful but after doing it a few times it begins to really sink in.

Hope this helps. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. Let me know how you go. Another useful website is the butterfly foundation. I have been there a few times and they are pretty good.

[Guest_9809]

Sorry Star76, slight correction to my first post. The tabs are not red, they are a light blue, and a darker blue once selected. These tabs are located under the red rectangle saying Community Rules.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Star76,

I wanted to let you know that I too just want to hide. And part of the reason is because I feel ashamed about how I look. Anyway I say all this in hope you won't feel so alone.

And do you currently eat healthy foods? Or have issues with emotional eating or anything similar??

Shelley xx