Struggling with life

[Moving forward happy]

I’ve always tried to be a positive person but recently I can’t shake the overwhelming depression I am feeling which leaves me sitting here feeling almost paralysed and not able to do anything at all. Each month my rent is behind (it’s been raised 4 times in the last two years) to which I recieve email after email threatening eviction, that alone causes me so much stress and anxiety, having the roof over my head and my sons threatened each month. Keeping up with bills and even food shopping these days is rediculous, I’ve had issues with my car being impounded and can’t get it back cause of the price it costs, I’m almost finished my studies in community service but I have 200 hours of placement left which means I can’t get a job right now, I’ve come too far with my diploma just to give up now. I’m over having to fight for everything. I miss the world and how it used to be, everything these days is just so cold and everyone seems to just look after themselves, life never used to be so hard, is it just me or does anyone feel this way? I just need a break, I just want to be able to live my life instead of fighting so hard just to keep my head above water. Everything revolves around money, or lack of, even taking the kids anywhere costs so much now, adding to my guilt and depression when I can’t afford to do what every one else seems to be doing.  

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Indeed, "money makes the world go round". No truer saying. The first 25 years of my working life due to mania and impulsivity meant living from week to week and never seemingly getting anywhere then after a divorce it all changed, built 2 houses myself and now at 68yo inheritance comes along and life if so much better due to those changes. But I dont forget the years of long distance commuting to work and financial hardship.

Having children is a accommodation problem (but you wouldnt do without them of course) but I'm wondering if a unit at a caravan park might suit better some are 2 bedroom. That way you are more mobile if needed. A move to a regional area might also be considered. There is few options and this dropping under the water line is sad and hurtful. 

Explore your 200 hours options- can you delay it? Does your ex partner pay child support? If so can payments come at different times eg prior to rent needed? Can you negotiate with the council with your impounded car? It is worth a phone call. If you got your car back one of the best actions you could take is buying a 3 man tent, a cheapy, and throw it in the car even just overnight and head off to the bush. A campfire, some march mellows and bangers on the bbq.

The one thing I would work on is your guilt. There is no real reason to feel it.  You seem to be a wonderful mum and that is all your kids need. See below.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604

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TonyWK

TonyWK

[james1]

Hey Moving forward happy,

Thanks for your post. It sounds like you are feeling so overwhelmed, I understand why you feel like you just need a break. Life can move at such a pace, people often get left behind, and I'm really sad to hear you feel you're barely keeping your head above water.

The feeling in your post is really coming through and it reminds me a lot of how a lot of people at work have been feeling burnt out. Life sometimes is just tough, but we can find ways to make it a little less crap. Taking an hour to create some peace at the end of the day can help us reset for the next day. The bills are going to be there, whether we actively think about them or not. At least if we're mentally a bit more rested, it can help us find other practical solutions to fix the issues over time, as white knight has suggested.

When was the last time you remember getting a moment of peace?

James