struggling to reach out

[loganJ132]

as a tall, more muscular and traditionally masculine person i find it hard to reach out because i think people will judge me and even when they do i say it’s okay because i don’t want to be a burden on them or be seen as vulnerable. i want to be able to talk but i’m not even sure why i’m feeling this way, i have no reason to feel like this but i just can’t find joy in things i used to and it’s really affecting my relationships, job, school etc. i just want to know how to deal with these feelings.

[jaz28]

Hi there,

You are not a burden. I am sorry you have been going through some tough times recently, that must have been hard for you. Have you spoken to your doctor or a mental health professional about these feelings you have been having? I think that might be important for you to do, even if you do not want to be seen as vulnerable - remember, it is their job to help you, so please reach out to a professional. If not, you can call the Beyond Blye hotline at 1300 224 636 if you need to talk to anyone.

I hope things improve soon and we are here to help,

Jaz xx

[Bob_22]

Hi loganJ132,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. I'm sorry to haer that you've been feeling like a burden and are finding it hard to reach out. I think you highlight a very good point in that there is still a lot of stigma around mental health when it comes to men.

As Jaz pointed out, you could definitely reach out to a professional if you like. This way your issues are kept completely confidential. However I would also encourage you to open up to your friends and family if you are feeling isolated. I know from experience it can be hard to start the conversation and feels awkward at first, but you might be surprised at how much your loved ones care about your mental wellbeing (despite your masculine exterior). Beyond blue actually does some work specifically with men and offers some research and resources which can be found here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/about-us/about-our-work/our-work-with-men 

There are also some great resources which highlights some statistics and issues around stigma here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/who-does-it-affect/men 

I would definitely recommend giving these a read as a starting point if you are hesitant to seek professional help or open up to your friends and family. I hope you can also connect with other men in similar situations here on the forums. Thank you again for posting here and please keep us updated on how you are going. 🙂

Bob

[therising]

Hi logan

I feel for you as you face this deeply challenging time in your life. I hope coming here makes some difference in finding a positive way forward.

For guys, there's definitely an expectation to have it all together. It's just so wrong, the way guys are led to suppress so much. As a mum to a 17yo guy and 20yo gal, self expression is encouraged across the board in our house, when it comes to feelings and making sense of them. During years of having managed mental health challenges in my life (largely depression related), I've come to understand the importance of expressing feelings, for a number of reasons. Btw, like his sister, my son has brilliant instincts/great intuition. They're both amazing when it comes to getting a feel for people and situations, based on them being encouraged to feel while developing trust in what they feel.

'Feeling your way through life', 'To get a feel for something', 'Feeling when something's off' etc, they all relate to feelings. Something feels depressing, something feels stressful, inspiring, troubling, lacking etc. It's the feeling that often leads to significant questions that need to be asked.

Took me decades to realise we begin life typically as feelers. We feel boredom, injustice (leading to the occasional tantrum), the resentment of having to visit a relative we detest, pure joy, inspiration, the need to climb something or adventure somewhere. Over the years, so much of it is shut down, the way we express our feelings. We're conditioned to suppress until eventually our ability to feel so intensely resurfaces, so many years later, and we've forgotten how incredibly important and valid our feelings once were. They've always been a part of who we are.